Gilded Cage
by Haiku Kitten
Summary: Light finds a use for L. Rape, MPreg, one sided Misa/Light, non consensual Light/L, future Light/L DISCONTINUED
1. The Death of the Firebird

**Gilded Cage**

By Bluegrass Elf a.k.a. Haiku

A Death Note Fiction

Rated: M

Pairing(s): One sided Misa/Light, Nonconsensual Light/L, future Light/L

Warnings: Rape, Violence, MPreg

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note in any way, shape, or form. I do, however, claim the plot line of this story as my own. I don't mind if you use some of the elements in it, of course, but it will really irritate me if you blatantly copy my work. You're better than that. Don't do it.

I also make no claim on the lyrics of Still Burning by Sixpence None the Richer.

**Author's Notes:** There's just not enough believable MPreg in this fandom so I decided to try my hand. Of course, once I started writing it I realized why DN doesn't have much MPreg. It's hard to come up with a plot that makes sense! I come from the Yu Yu Hakusho fandom, where Hiei is the most perfect candidate for MPreg ever, so I'm not used to having to work hard on it. But I did my best for this one and I hope you enjoy.

I love feedback from my readers, so if you have suggestions for the story, please throw them out there! I'll gladly look them over and if I use the idea then you'll get a nice little blurb at the beginning of whatever chapter I put it in.

**Chapter 1: The Death of the Firebird**

_You are the burning_

_the flame that is turning_

_my smoldering ash into a bird._

_So stay close my brother_

_I couldn't stand the loss._

_You are the bridge of action._

_I need you to help me cross_

_I need you to help me._

_**-- Still Burning, Sixpence None The Richer**_

Act one: the stage was set with three characters; opposing forces but perfectly balanced between each other. What was grandest about it all was that they did not even realize it. Ryuk couldn't help peeking in at them all just once to see how the great Yagami Light was handling things without his memories. What he found made the shinigami cackle with delight.

"So, Light, you really are a normal child underneath it all." A boy with his girlfriend and his best friend and what truly seemed to be an excellent alibi. After all, how could he be Kira if he had absolutely no recollection of it? So once again Yagami Light got to have his cake and eat it too.

Misa was beautiful, whatever rubbish her brain might be made of. Ryuk found that he truly enjoyed her and understood, to an extent, why Rem was so protective of her. Without his memories even Light seemed to care for Misa's welfare. She was sweet, charming, and meant well. Surely there was something lurking beneath all that beauty, some scars from her past. The deaths of her parents could not have left her unscathed but Misa did not let it show.

The detective… Ryuk was very amused by L. He'd been expecting someone far more… impressive. Of course, he gathered that L had that effect on most people. He was barely more than a boy himself and certainly still had the mindset of one with his childish narrow-mindedness. Ryuk knew, though, that inside that odd, awkward man-child was a brain that rivaled Light's own.

And of course, Light, dear precious Light, was simply fascinating. He was the model child, caring for Misa and L as though they were his younger siblings. He would entertain Misa whenever she wanted and he did his best to keep L in good spirits and focused on the task at hand (though sometimes his tactics were a bit questionable). Ryuk snickered to himself, thinking that Light could have been perfectly happy just like this but soon it would all be gone again. The Death Note would ruin it all.

--

"Misa-Misa! Is it true that you're currently living with your boyfriend?"

Amane Misa was not an idiot despite popular belief. It wasn't like she was just going to blurt out that she was actually a suspect in the world's biggest murder case or that she was actually under constant surveillance. She just smiled sweetly at the reporter and gave a cute giggle.

"Actually, I'm just living in the same apartment complex," she said. Well, it wasn't a total lie, anyway. "A friend of his gave me a good deal on a place there and all. Light-kun and I aren't ready to move in together yet. Of course, I'll be glad to take that step when the time comes!"

The reporter eagerly soaked in all of this information. "His friend, you say? Are you friends with this generous person as well, then?"

Misa frowned thoughtfully. How best to respond to this question? "Ah, well, he's another genius like my Light but he's a bit odd. I think that we are just too different to really get along. He and Light-kun get along extremely well, though, and that makes him totally okay in my books." She flashed another charming smile.

--

The soft lilting of music was a rare and much appreciated treat for Misa and Light. It was a compromise, L had said. If he was permitted to continue with his work during their date and they would agree to be calm and quiet, he would in return provide them with whatever music they wanted. Luckily, it was Light who chose the music and it was bearable for L. Light had good taste.

"This is… nice," Misa remarked after a while. She was snuggled up comfortably beside Light on the couch and L was perched opposite them with his laptop on his knees.

Light made a soft sound of agreement, his arm around her shoulders, holding her close. His eyes had drifted closed, the music having lulled him into an extreme state of relaxation. Misa was right, this was nice, being able to calm down and not worry for a while.

"I almost wish it could stay like this," Misa continued wistfully. "You know, it's not so bad, having Ryuzaki around. I think… we are good friends."

Surprised, L looked up from his laptop at her curiously. "… That's very nice of you, Amane-san," he remarked.

The blond gave a contented little sigh and smiled back at him. "Well, when Ryuzaki is nice like this he becomes much more tolerable."

L snorted at that and returned his attention to his computer.

--

Being chained to L twenty-four hours a day, it was no surprise that Light would find need to amuse himself somehow. He found this amusement by watching L, eyes carefully taking in every detail. His brain took those details and broke them down further, creating theories for why something about the detective was a certain way.

While L slaved over documents and leads and basically ignored his unwilling companion, Light investigated the mystery of L's ethnicity. He looked up basic body profiles of all different kinds and compared them to the detective. L was small with a rounded face, which suggested Asian descent. His nose was large but elegant, and his eyes were too wide. European, perhaps, and then the thick, lustrous black hair made him think perhaps L was part Italian.

He listened carefully to L's accent when the detective spoke. There was a slight accent but it was hard to catch because L must have worked hard to completely erase it. Even something as simple as an accent could give his enemies clues. However, Light could find it; he could hear it despite L's efforts. It was an important clue because what Light heard was, undoubtedly, a British accent. Identifying the accent made the other pieces of the puzzle fit together. The nose, the eyes, the hair, the long spindly fingers and large feet; there was no denying that L was British.

British L was but Light could also tell that L was as mixed as a mutt dog from the pound. It was an odd combination, whatever it was (and he was certain, by now, that Japanese and Italian were in that combination somewhere). At first Light couldn't quite tell what made it seem so strange. Perhaps L didn't seem to fit together quite right, almost as though someone had taken bits and pieces from other people and merged them all into one. But then, that made it sound like L was unpleasant to look at and that simply wasn't the case. He was a fascinating person to watch and examine and often times Light would muse about L's body structure. What did the detective's skeleton look like? What medical malformations could be discovered in those bones? What about the muscle? And then, the skin? What did L look like underneath those baggy, unflattering clothes?

Light himself would never have acted on his curiosity. Without his memories of the Death Note he was simply an observer with no ill intentions or resentment for the detective. There was no killer instinct in him wishing harm on L. Kira, however, was a different story.

--

Misa knew that something was not quite right. She was known for hanging on Light's every word, watching his every movement, and that said, she'd have had to be blind to miss the way his eyes lingered on L when the detective's back was turned. What could she do about it, though? He'd never promised her his heart… she was the one who'd promised to win it. It seemed that L had beaten her to it.

L, however, did not seem to notice at all that Light was so fascinated with him. Occasionally he would feel Light's eyes on him and he would turn curiously to the boy and inquire if there was something he needed. Misa got the feeling that L didn't really know how to tell when someone was undressing him with their eyes.

She would return to her room and pretend that she noticed nothing. She wanted to cry about it but L would see her on his cameras and then he would wonder why she was upset. He would ask about it and Misa was not very good at avoiding direct questions, especially not questions from L. He had such an intimidating stare, it was all she could do not to spill her life's story out to him whenever he gave her even the smallest of glares.

Amane Misa could only suffer in silence.

--

"Misa, you and I will create a new world."

Her heart soared with happiness. Light loved her! It was all he had to say to her and she would gladly do whatever he asked of her. She knew he knew this and she vaguely knew that he was probably manipulating her. However, she didn't care. This was love she was being offered, after all.

Still, she felt a little guilty. He wanted her to kill Ryuzaki… She should be happy for the chance to erase the one who stood between them but all she could think was that it was such a shame.

When she realized that she couldn't remember his name she pretended not to be relieved.

--

"You're certain you don't want to stay here?" L questioned, his eyes glued to his coffee cup. There was the slightest tone of disappointment in his voice and Light reveled in it. L was already missing his constant presence and they'd only briefly been unchained. Inadvertently, he'd won L over.

"Will you miss me, Ryuzaki?" he taunted with the slightest of smiles, his good boy routine still in play. Poor L, how was he to suspect that things would soon turn sour for him?

L looked up at him with an expression Light had not seen before on him. A confused, disquieted look that showed L was not comfortable with the current situation he was faced with. "Perhaps," he replied softly, stirring the teaspoon in his coffee absently. "I've become used to having company as of late. Amane-san has promised to drop by now and then… I suppose that won't be too terrible of an annoyance."

"I'll be here on and off, Ryuzaki," Light assured him, easily picking up on what L was hinting at. "I am still part of this investigation, after all. I just want to try and catch up a little in school, if I can."

"I understand," the detective murmured so quietly that Light almost didn't hear him. "It's a shame though, isn't it? It was fun for a while."

Yes, Light thought to himself, it's a shame; a shame that I can't use you. He was going to kill L and there was no way around that. If only he could have had the opportunity beforehand to really teach the detective not to challenge Kia. "Now is not the time for fun and games," Light said firmly. Ah, but what fantastic games he could have played with L.

L nodded. "It's just a shame it's over is all." His long fingers absently gripped the arms of his chair and he watched Light with those bottomless eyes, never blinking, never giving anything away. Light let his eyes drift down the expanse of L's body and the old question came back. What was under all those clothes?

"Don't act like you really care, Ryuzaki," the murderer replied. "We're not really friends, after all." His words were specifically chosen to try and get a response out of L but the detective remained unmoved, cold and blank as always. Light wanted to erase that frost-over expression, melt it away with a hot blush and a look of unrestrained terror. L was right. It really was a shame that the detective would die before Light got the chance to see through his façade.

Game over, L.

~TBC


	2. The Gilded Cage

**Gilded Cage**

By Bluegrass Elf a.k.a. Haiku

A Death Note Fiction

Rated: M

Pairing(s): One sided Misa/Light, Nonconsensual Light/L, future Light/L

Warnings: Rape, Violence, MPreg

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note in any way, shape, or form. I do, however, claim the plot line of this story as my own. I don't mind if you use some of the elements in it, of course, but it will really irritate me if you blatantly copy my work. You're better than that. Don't do it.

I also make no claim on the lyrics of Anywhere, by Evanescence.

**Author's Note: **Dang, this one's long. Hope you guys enjoy, I'm sorry it took me so long to get this out. It took a while to get it all worked out just right.

**Chapter 2: The Gilded Cage**

_Forget this life  
Come with me  
Don't look back you're safe now  
Unlock your heart  
Drop your guard  
No one's left to stop you._

_**Anywhere, Evanescence**_

Light's bedroom was the same when he returned as it had been when he left. His bed, his clothes, his school books and personal belongings were all untouched despite his long absence. Now with Kira back in his head he took a seat at his desk. His fingers itched so he picked up a pen. Absently, he picked up an old notebook and made incomprehensible scribbles in it. A waste of paper, he thought, but so what? Soon enough he would have a Death Note back in his possession and he wouldn't draw scribbles then. He wouldn't waste paper; he would put it to the best of use.

His thoughts strayed back to L. It was odd now, being separated from the other boy. It was as though they'd grown together while chained- like a tree forced to grow around a constricting fence, eventually causing the fence and the tree to become inseparable. Being apart from L now made Light feel like he was full of holes where the detective should have been. He'd wanted to stay at the head quarters, not quite ready to leave the familiarity behind after all that had happened. However, priorities had to be taken care of and he needed a break from L's presence while he decided exactly what had to be done about the detective. Misa did not remember his name; that eliminated the choice of quickly getting rid of L, like ripping off a band-aid.

A cackle echoed off the walls of his room announcing Ryuk's appearance. Light turned his gaze from the scribbled on paper to the monstrous apparition floating just behind him. "Ryuk," he greeted coldly. "It's been a while." His presence, of course, meant that Misa was headed in this direction. He inwardly cringed. Of course she'd want to visit him now that they were free. It made sense, anyway, since they were supposed to be dating. They had to keep up the façade.

Ryuk cackled again. "Hello again, Light," he replied, his grin widening. "I see you've finally escaped the detective's clutches. Things were rather boring without you. I amused myself by stealing a few things in the Shinigami Realm."

"Stealing?" Light arched an eyebrow and gave a disdainful sneer. "That's how you acquired the notebook you gave to me, isn't it?" Ryuk nodded. "…What did you steal this time?" he asked, more out of boredom than anything.

"Nothing good," the shinigami replied, pouting slightly, "a few old medallions, not good for anything but hoarding. They _are_ shiny so I guess that's a plus. And a fertility potion but those are, of course, completely useless to the shinigami."

Light continued to scribble in the notebook, fingers still twitching with need. If only Ryuk had stolen another notebook… Of course, the shinigami could never be bothered to do something that was actually of some benefit. "What's a fertility potion?" he asked, not even really paying attention. He turned on the television.

"It's used to insure conception with humans," Ryuk replied, producing a bottle from some hidden pocket. He placed it on Light's desk. "Like I said, useless to shinigami. I grabbed it without really looking, hoping it was some sort of explosive."

The brunette's attention was drawn to the bottle before him. It was ornate and finely crafted, round with a long neck. A dark red liquid filled it to about halfway up the neck and an old, crumbling cork kept the contents inside. He set aside his pen and picked up the bottle, sloshing its contents around slightly. "You're right, this is useless," he agreed. "I suppose I'll need an heir one day but what good is something like this? If one girl can't conceive, why not just move on to another one? At any rate, there's no woman I've come across thus far that I'm eager to have offspring with."

"That's the beauty of it," Ryuk snickered in return, mirth showing in his eyes. "It works on men as well from what I know about it. Who knows why it was created that way but I suppose it would open a few more doors if you were into that sort of thing."

Light's gaze narrowed. "Works on men…? This potion allows a man to conceive a child? In his body? How strange… I wonder how that works." Truthfully, he was tempted to try it on someone just to find out what it did. It was all in the interest of science, of course. Light couldn't help but be curious about the mechanics of such a thing.

Images of L, the cheeky detective, seated in his rolling chair and stuffing himself full of sweets flashed in Light's mind. He sighed softly, beginning to grow annoyed with the insomniac's apparent confiscation of his attention. All he could seem to think about was all of L's quirks and the strange way they all seemed to work together to create one mysterious, almost exotic individual.

The shinigami's cackle bounced off of his walls again. "It's a strange thought but I wonder how smart a kid of that detective would be?" Ryuk mused out loud. Light froze in his seat, eyes locked on the bottle in his hand. Ryuk glanced over at him and blinked. "Uh… Light? You doing alright? Eh… it was a joke, you know…"

"No…" Light murmured, a smirk twisting his lips into the most hideous expression. "You've just made an excellent point. A child with mine and L's brains… the combination could create the perfect heir. After all, L is the only one who's ever been able to match me in anything." He looked up at the shinigami. "If you don't have any use for this potion, Ryuk, I'll take it off your hands." He pulled his cellphone from his pocket and dialed Misa's number.

* * *

"Misa doesn't understand, Light-kun!" the petite blond wailed over the phone. "What do you mean, you're going to get Ryuzaki's real name? How will you do that?"

Light winced at the wailing but kept his cool. "Listen to me, Misa. I'm going to convince Rem to give me his name. All I need you to do is go back to your apartment and stay there until I call you, okay? I promise, Misa, that everything is fine. Saturday, you and I can go on a date. How does that sound?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line as Misa considered the offer. "Well, alright," she huffed finally. "But can't I come in for just a minute? You said it would take you the whole week to get it all set up. I don't want to wait that long to see you!"

"Misa, just trust me." Before Misa could respond he ended the call.

* * *

A few days later Light stepped into the head quarters, pleased when the doors instantly opened for him. Apparently L had not decided to lock him out just yet. That made this all so much easier. Of course, L was undoubtedly watching him at this very moment but that hardly mattered. There wasn't a thing L could do to stop him.

Still, he was nervous. What if this didn't work? He'd laid it all out now and he wouldn't back down because this was his only chance to eliminate Ryuzaki as a threat. But he was worried. L was so incredibly clever and there was a high possibility that the genius detective would worm his way out of this elaborate (is somewhat spur of the moment) trap.

Rem must have seen him on Ryuzaki's screens as well because she was there in the hallway, waiting for him just outside the door to the main room. She observed him with distrustful, hateful eyes. She hated him, he knew. She, a god of death, did not approve of his actions. It was laughable, really. A creature meant only for taking the lives of others had more compassion in her than Light himself did. But Rem did not understand. Everything Light did, he did for the good of mankind. Even his plans for L were, ultimately, for the good of mankind.

"You need to tell me what to do," she growled. "And quickly. Do you want him dead? I could kill him now."

"No," Light replied sharply though he realized that he hadn't thought of this option before. Of course Rem could kill Ryuzaki. Why hadn't he simply had her do it in the first place? "I have other plans for him. Rem, I need you to give me L's name and Watari's name."

The shinigami glared at him and for a moment he thought she was going to refuse; and if she did, then what? It wasn't as though he could do anything. "Rem," he continued quickly. "I will ensure Misa's happiness if you do this for me. She will live safely for the rest of her life and she will be happy."

"…Very well," Rem finally agreed but she didn't look happy about it. "Listen carefully. L's name is L Lawliet. Watari is Quillsh Wammy." She spelled out both names for him. "You keep your promise, Yagami-kun," she added. "Misa… Misa deserves better than this…"

"Of course, Rem," Light replied calmly. He smirked slightly when he noticed that her body had begun to dissolve. "Ah, as I suspected. Even this indirectly, this counts as saving Misa's life. Doesn't it?"

She hung her head, a look of shame and defeat in her eyes. Light almost felt guilty. Almost. "I hope your newfound fascination with the detective does not compromise your promise, Yagami-kun," she murmured, raising her head to fix him with a cold stare. "I wonder… if he will be your undoing."

"Who is the one being undone, Rem?" Light bit back, a snarl of anger twisting his face. It slowly changed into the most hideous of smirks as the shinigami before him was finally reduced to nothing more than a pile of sand. He reached down and picked up her Death Note. A feeling of raw power and exhilaration flowed through him. "You're next, L," he murmured to himself.

* * *

L stared at his laptop screen with the utmost loathing. He and Watari were the only ones spending the night at head quarters now and he was finding that he sorely missed Light's presence since the boy had returned to his own home. Despite the seriousness of the situation it had been, dare he say it, _fun_ to spend so much time with Light. They could challenge each other in ways that no one else could challenge either of them and L was certain that the little mind games they'd played had helped him sharpen his own mind.

But what did that matter? L was now ninety-four percent sure that Light was Kira. It was such a shame. He'd really grown to like Light and he'd hoped that there was a chance he didn't have to give up his "first friend." This was why he didn't often let himself grow attached to others. People always ended up hurting or leaving you.

His head tilted to the side slightly, dead eyes still locked on the screen. He'd thus far done nothing but sit here, completely uninspired and cold inside. How stupid he'd been, thinking that there was even the slightest chance that he'd found someone, a friend, after a lifetime of living in solitude.

"Ryuzaki," spoke Watari's voice, the gothic 'W' flickering onto the laptop screen. "Are you hungry? It's been several hours since you had anything. I could bring you some cake and tea." His tone was purely professional but L had known the old man long enough to catch the slight undertone of concern.

"No, thank you," he mumbled, chewing at his thumb. "I'm not really in the mood to eat anything."

A long pause followed. "…Are you feeling well, Ryuzaki?" Watari's voice finally asked.

"Of course, Watari," L replied mildly. "I'm just not hungry after all that's happened." His eyes strayed to the screen on the wall that showed outside the building. He frowned when he recognized Light approaching the building. What could the boy want, today of all days? It sent a chill down L's spine. He didn't trust Light, of course. There had to be a reason behind this sudden visit.

He tracked the young man as Light made his way through the building and stopped just before entering the room. He noticed the shinigami hovering near the door and realized that he'd forgotten to pay any attention to her actions. Her lips moved but L couldn't hear what she was saying. "Watari!" he called. "Turn the audio on!"

"-I have other plans for him," Light's voice said clearly. "Rem, I need you to give me L's name and Watari's name."

L froze, staring at the screen in horror. The shinigami… she knew their names? She must be able to see them as he had suspected that the second Kira was able to do. However, if she could see names, why couldn't Light? More importantly, if the second Kira was in fact Amane-san and she could also see names, why couldn't Light? "Oh dear," he murmured in English with a groan.

"…Very well, listen carefully," Rem's deep voice spoke and she sounded as though she did not really want to cooperate with Light's demands. "L's name is L Lawliet. Watari is Quillsh Wammy."

The detective couldn't move. He couldn't think. The shinigami was telling his name to _Kira, _spelling it out carefully so that Light, God damn him, would be certain to get it right when he wrote it down. Did this mean that Light had another notebook? How else could he expect to get away with this? Certainly the boy wasn't foolish enough to think that he wasn't being watched. Light knew that this entire building was filled with cameras. L's heart pounded in his chest.

Light was going to kill him.

L had never really thought about death before. Well, in passing, perhaps, but never seriously. He lived in a secure, snug world of his own where no one else could get in and he couldn't help but feel… well, immortal. Now death was practically staring him in the face and L realized that he did not want to die.

"You keep your promise, Yagami-kun," Rem continued. "Misa… Misa deserves better than this…"

Misa… why would Rem care at all about Misa, L wondered? And then he witnessed a most astonishing this. The great monstrous, intimidating shinigami began to dissolve. Very slowly at first and her head drooped as though she was ashamed. What was happening?

"Of course, Rem," Light was saying. "Ah, as I suspected. Even this indirectly, this counts as saving Misa's life. Doesn't it?" Light's face looked absolutely hideous like that. L's body trembled as he watched and he noted that not a single horror movie that he had ever seen could even begin to compare to the feeling of disgust and terror that Light's current expression ignited in him.

"I hope your newfound fascination with the detective does not compromise your promise, Yagami-kun," Rem's voice was so soft that L had to strain to hear it. "I wonder… if he will be your undoing."

Fascination…? L lifted his thumb to his lips and bit down on it anxiously. He had a bad feeling about this. Wasn't Light going to kill him? What was all this about 'fascinations' and his being Light's 'undoing?' Though he certainly wished that he was in a position to be Light's undoing right now. It was obvious that Light had the upper hand.

"Who is the one being undone, Rem?" The evil, ugly tone of Light's voice made L feel sick to his stomach. This was not the boy he'd been chained to for so long. This was not even the boy he'd revealed his identity to at the university, the boy he'd challenged to a match of tennis or the boy he'd talked with at the coffee shop. This was some twisted, horrible mockery of Light; a corruption of him, even.

Light stooped to pick up something from the great pile of sand that Rem had been reduced to. Then Light turned and began to walk in the opposite direction from which he came. L frowned and his thumb slipped from his mouth. "Light… what are you up to?" he murmured.

The shrill ringing of his cell phone suddenly filled the room and L nearly fell out of his chair in his surprise. He quickly pulled the phone from his pocket and flipped it open. "Hello?" he asked breathlessly.

"Ryuzaki, listen to me carefully." Light's voice was cold and demanding. L stiffened, a shiver running down his spine. "I know you were watching. Rem told me your name. And now that she's gone… I have another Death Note in my possession. Now, do exactly as I say or I will kill you and Watari. The two of you will come out of that fortress of yours and you will meet me outside. I have a taxi waiting for us. If you contact anyone I will kill the old man first and then I'll kill you. If anything even gives me the impression that you've told anyone anything I will kill you."

The line went dead.

* * *

The front doors of the building opened. L and Watari stepped out, both with calm, schooled expressions that gave away nothing about their current feelings. L's gaze focused on Light immediately.

"Kira," the detective greeted coldly, slumped over like always. His black eyes peered at Light with interest. "I must admit, Light, I didn't expect you to be so bold. Or so foolish. You do realize that keeping us alive any longer than you have to is to your disadvantage? If you know our names you could have simply killed us and blamed it on the shinigami."

Laughter threatened to escape Light but he held it back. His eyes, however, shown with mirth. "Now, that would be a terrible waste of your intelligence. Don't you agree?" He smirked at the way Ryuzaki's eyes narrowed. He could imagine the cogs of L's mind turning as he struggled to understand Light's motives. There was no way L would be able to figure anything out any sooner than Light chose to reveal it to him. There was no way the detective could prepare himself ahead of time for what was to come.

"Well, naturally, I would agree," L spoke. He shoved his hands in his pockets. "I can only conclude that you are then devising some way in which to exploit me for your own purposes. What is it, exactly, that you think you can scare me into doing for you?"

"All in due time, Ryuzaki," Light replied, shaking his head. He drew two blindfolds from the bag slung across his shoulder. "You will both be wearing these," he said as he stepped towards L first, holding up one of the strips of cloth. "We're taking a trip, you see."

L stood complacently while Light tied the blindfold in place. "And you do not wish us to see where we're going or what the vehicle we will be going in looks like," he said with the tiniest of smiles. "Really, Light, you're going through a lot of trouble for this. What sort of plan have you devised in the few days since you returned home?"

"You'll see." Light tightened the blindfold roughly, irritated with L's smug attitude. Damn L; Light was in control of this situation! Ah, well, he'd repay the detective for his insolence soon enough. Excitement thrummed through him as he knotted the blindfold. Soon he would see what L looked like without those ugly clothes.

He didn't realize he'd let his fingers trail down L's neck until the detective went stiff as a board under his touch. "Light-kun… what are you doing?" L demanded. Light smirked at the slight waver he detected in L's voice and removed his hand.

"What are you talking about?" he asked as he moved away from L to blindfold Watari. The old man's lips were set into a scowl, having observed the way Light had touched his charge. Light's right eye twitched in annoyance. "I'm the one in control," he informed them both. "You will do exactly as I say or I will kill you. Do you understand?"

"Light-kun is becoming repetitive," L spoke up, so matter-of-fact and emotionless – curious at best. Suddenly Light was filled with fury; hot, uncontrollable fury. Before he even registered what he was doing, he whirled around and struck the detective across the face with a resounding crack. Shocked, L stumbled backwards and fought to regain his balance but he said nothing.

Light breathed in deeply. "You need to shut up, L," he said softly. He lifted his hand and gently touched his fingers to L's face. L's flinch was barely noticeable. "Trust me when I say that you'll want to keep me in a good mood," Light murmured, his eyes tracing L's jaw line. The desire to touch that pale skin welled up in him again. _Not yet, _he told himself. _Just a little longer and I can touch all I want._

"Light-kun… is abnormally violent today," L murmured. His body was tensed defensively. "There was no need to strike me. Even if Light is Kira I would expect more self-restraint. Your actions are usually much calmer and better thought out."

The taxi pulling up saved Light from having to say anything in response. The brunette pushed Watari into the passenger's seat and then guided L to the back before settling in beside the detective. "Watch the old man carefully," he instructed the driver. "Don't speak or do anything that would let them identify you. The younger is extremely intelligent; he could easily identify your voice if he heard it again."

"You flatter me, Light-kun," remarked the detective. "Where are we going?"

"Don't make me repeat myself again, Ryuzaki." Light placed a hand firmly on the top of L's leg, making the detective squirm uncomfortably. The brunette smiled to himself as he watched the way L fidgeted and tried to hold back openly showing disgust. "You look uncomfortable. Is something wrong?" He moved his hand up L's thigh slightly. The detective stiffened, his lips forming a scowl.

"If I say that your hand is making me uncomfortable, will you remove it?" the detective asked with sarcasm laced in his tone.

The brunette shook his head even though L couldn't see it. "I don't think so, Ryuzaki. My hand is quite comfortable where it is."

"I had thought as much," L muttered, hands clenching into fists as he endured the physical contact.

The car ride was a little over an hour long. L deduced that this presented two possibilities. The first being the obvious, that Light had chosen a far out location to bring them to. The second was that Light was just having the driver drive around in circles to throw L's perception off. Considering that a far out location would be the safest choice, really, L was inclined to suspect the first possibility more than the second.

Finally, the car came to a halt and the motor cut off. L heard Light open the car door and felt the boy move from the car seat, at last taking his hand off of L's leg. However, the hand quickly placed itself on L's shoulder and tugged him out of the car as well. Disoriented from the blindfold, the detective stumbled slightly as he was pulled from the vehicles. Light's other hand came up to grasp L's other shoulder and fully support him before he could fall.

When he was stable, Light's hands left him. After a moment he felt a larger, coarser hand settle gently on his shoulder in a comforting manner. He smiled softly to himself, appreciating Watari's gesture of kindness even though he didn't really need it. There was a long period of silence before the car engine started up again and L heard the car drive away.

Light gripped his shoulder again and turned him around, guiding him forward. He listened carefully when they stopped again and his ears caught the faint sound of a key card being swiped.

Once they were inside and the door had been shut behind them, Light removed the blindfolds and revealed the space to them. L blinked in complete surprise as he took in the sight.

The space was huge and completely open. It looked like it had been some kind of warehouse at some point but it had been renovated. The cement floor had been left the same and probably the walls hadn't been touched either. However, L was very certain that the beds, chairs, table, and kitchen furnishings were not original.

"… You're planning to keep us here, Light-kun?" he asked incredulously. "How did you manage all of this? It's only been five days since you returned home."

Light's delighted laughter bounced off the walls. "I did all of this for you, L," he replied with a smirk that actually sent shivers down L's spine. "I've created a fortress to keep you in forever, you see, so that I can have you and my perfect world as well. It's really quite lucky for you that you interest me so much. I had originally planned to kill you but I've found a much better use for you."

He moved across the room to the kitchenette and reached inside the cabinets to pull down a glass bottle. "Come over here, L," he said as he took down a glass and opened the bottle to pour the red liquid inside it into the glass.

Hesitantly, L obeyed. He eyed the glass with suspicion when Light handed it to him. "I'll assume that this isn't poison, given the pain you must have gone through to arrange all of this," he remarked, sniffing the liquid disdainfully. "What is it?"

"It's just something to prepare you for your new job, Ryuzaki," the brunette replied as he put the bottle away. "Drink all of that. Don't let a drop of it go to waste. It's not going to kill you so don't worry about that. Besides, you don't have a choice, really."

L scowled at Light in annoyance. "What will you do if I refuse?" he demanded, testing his limits. Light only smiled that confidant, arrogant smile.

"If you don't drink it you'll be of no use to me," the brunette replied with twisted delight gleaming in his eyes. "I'll kill you, as I've said before. No one will know what became of you; no one will ever find your body. So if I were you I wouldn't push your luck too far. Drink it, Lawliet." The name slid off his tongue mockingly, reminding L who was in control right now.

Reluctantly, the detective raised the glass to his lips and turned it up. He immediately gagged as the disgusting liquid entered his mouth. "What is this stuff?" he groused, his face scrunched up in displeasure. It was like nothing he'd ever tasted before and it was horrible.

"A potion," Light said easily and L's eyes widened in surprise.

"So you're dabbling in witchcraft now as well, Light-kun?" L questioned. Light's eye twitched and the boy reached out to grasp the glass, pressing it to L's lips and tilting it upwards. The detective quickly parted his lips and swallowed the concoction rather than have it spilt all down his front. He coughed and spluttered when it the glass was finally drained. "There, it's gone," he grumbled. "Are you happy now?"

The glass was removed and placed on the kitchen counter. "Quite," the brunette replied with a smug smile. "Now. Strip."

L's eyes widened comically. "I… wh-what?!" he spluttered in shock. Watari immediately moved forward, stepping up to L's side protectively with a fierce expression on his face.

"Yagami-kun, what is the meaning of this?" the normally quiet man demanded. "If you think for one minute that we will simply go along with this foolish, childish behavior of yours then you are sorely mistaken. You may have my life in your hands but that will not stop me from fighting you if you should choose to attempt to harm L."

Amused laughter bubbled out of Light's mouth. "_You _will fight me, old man?" he demanded. "Unarmed? What are you going to use against me, brute strength?" He stepped forward threateningly and Watari instantly stepped in front of L, raising his fists. Light laughed again at the comical sight. Confused and uncomfortable, L took a step backwards, his dark eyes fixed on the scene before him.

"Watari, don't," the detective murmured. "Light is much stronger…"

"If he wants you, he has to go through me," the old man growled with determination. "It's my job to protect you, Ryuzaki."

Just as the words left Watari's mouth, Light's fist came crashing into the man's face with a sickening crunch. Watari stumbled backwards from the force of the blow and lost his balance, crashing into the counter. The back of his head connected harshly with the granite countertop and he crumpled, slumping forwards unconscious.

"Watari!" L dropped to his knees next to his caretaker and quickly searched for a pulse. He gave a relieved sigh when he felt it beneath his fingers. He looked up at the blood on the countertop and then at Light with a hateful glare. "I don't know what you think you're doing, Light-kun, but that was uncalled for."

Light regarded him with a calm expression. "It was a calculated blow," he replied. "Just enough force to push him into the counter at just the right angle. Don't worry, L, I was careful to do as little damage to him as possible. But for now I do not wish to deal with Watari. I don't have much time and I wish to conclude my business here as quickly as possible." He stepped towards the detective and L shrank back, still holding to Watari's hand.

"Stay away from me, Light." L's body was incredibly tense as he tried to prepare himself for whatever it was that Light planned to inflict on him. Light, however, continued to approach and the boy knelt down to grasp L's elbow tightly. He dragged L to his feet.

"Just do as I say," the brunette murmured. There was barely any distance between them and it made L's skin crawl. "I won't hurt you for now. I just… want to see."

His other hand suddenly slipped up L's shirt, clever fingers brushing lightly against the sensitive skin there. L jerked back, seeing red, and reacted with a sharp, upwards jerk of his knee, which connected firmly with Light's stomach, knocking the wind out of the boy. Light's hold on him loosened as he bent over in pain and L quickly moved away from him.

"What do you think you're doing?!" he demanded, shaking like a leaf now. "Why are you… touching me and saying such things?! You are not behaving rationally. I do not understand what your intentions towards me are. Why have you brought me here? Why didn't you just kill me, Light?!"

The look in Light's eyes when the boy finally lifted his head was enough to chill L to the bone. Light finally righted himself though he kept one hand pressed against his abdomen. "If you do not cooperate… I will kill Watari," he said calmly. L's hands clenched into fists and he spared a glance at the old man's still form.

"…What do you want?" he asked finally. What choice did he have? He couldn't let Watari die because of his own stubbornness. If he was to get them both out of this alive, he would have to give in to Light at least a little.

"I told you; take off your clothes." Light's steely expression diminished, being replaced by an almost hungry look that sent warning bells off in L's head.

L twitched slightly, his heart speeding up. "Light, please see reason. If you are Kira then surely you could not condone your own actions if you…" He trailed off, unable to even speak out loud what he feared that Light was planning. His throat felt dry as sand paper. "If you are Kira… Kira would not rape me, Light-kun."

"Rape you?" Light laughed a horrible, chilling laugh that filled the whole building. "I just want to see, L. I want to know what you look like. Come on… it won't be so bad. Just show me and then I'll leave you alone for tonight. All you have to do is undress and let me investigate."

L felt disgusting. Light's words were a lot less than reassuring and it didn't help that the boy was still leering at him like he was a piece of meat. However, he did not have a choice. Reluctantly, he slipped his shirt over his head and let it drop to the floor.

"That's a boy," Light cooed soothingly and he placed a gentle hand on L's cheek. "Now, the jeans." L's fingers trembled as he fumbled with the button of his jeans. Slowly, he slid them down. Light smiled at him. "Very good, Ryuzaki," he spoke. His hand moved from L's cheek to softly trail down the detective's arm. L's breath caught in his throat. "Relax," Light instructed. "You're alright." The brunette hooked a finger in the waistband of L's boxers and pulled them down so that they fell to L's feet with the detective's jeans. His eyes scanned over L's body, assessing it with a critical eye.

L was humiliated. Forced to strip down in front of Kira with the boy staring at him like that… And there was no way out of this situation. He had no choice but to allow Light this foolish whim because he was fairly certain that Light really would kill Watari. "Are you done?" he seethed, keeping his gaze locked firmly on the floor. He couldn't bear to look Light in the eyes.

He flinched when Light's hands suddenly pressed against his bare sides. The boy stroked down to L's hips, fingers digging in. Those fingers danced across L's stomach and went lower, just barely brushing L's thigh but it was enough to make L cringe. "Fascinating," Light breathed. L wanted to vomit.

Finally Light drew away and L breathed a sigh of relief. "You can put your clothes back on," the boy stated. "I'm leaving now. I'll be back tomorrow." L remained frozen in place as Light walked towards the door. Even as Light opened and shut the door L didn't move. It was the loud screech of the lock on the outside being pushed into place that brought him out of his shock.

He bent down and pulled his jeans and boxers back up, feeling faint. Still shaking, he turned his attention back to Watari when he heard the old man groan. "Watari…" he began, intending to ask if the man was alright. However, just as he spoke his stomach clenched up with excruciating pain. L's eyes widened and he grunted in discomfort and wrapped his arms around himself.

The room seemed to tilt slightly and L narrowed his eyes, trying to regain his equilibrium. Faintly he heard a worried "Ryuzaki?" from Watari.

"I'm alright," he said, still willing the room to stop spinning. "I'm just… I'm okay… Watari? I think I'm about to pass out." True to his word, the detective's legs failed him and he felt himself falling backwards. He barely registered the feeling of Watari's hands grabbing hold of him before it all faded to black.


	3. The Blessed Virgin Lawliet

**Gilded Cage**

By Bluegrass Elf a.k.a. Haiku

A Death Note Fiction

Rated: M

Pairing(s): One sided Misa/Light, Nonconsensual Light/L, future Light/L

Warnings: Rape, Violence, MPreg

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note in any way, shape, or form. I do, however, claim the plot line of this story as my own. I don't mind if you use some of the elements in it, of course, but it will really irritate me if you blatantly copy my work. You're better than that. Don't do it.

I also make no claim on the lyrics of Witness, by Sarah McLachlan.

**Author's Note: **Well, here's another long chapter. This story seems to have grabbed my muse and run away with it. Now, a few notes before we begin. Firstly, I'm sure this will seem a very strange take on it all but bear with the weirdness of my plot line, lol. Secondly, there is rape in this chapter. And third, I apologize if L seems OOC towards the end of the chapter. I thoroughly researched Rape Trauma Syndrome and attempted to accurately describe L as a rape victim but let me tell you, it was tough, heh. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this new chapter of Gilded Cage.

**The Blessed Virgin Lawliet**

_Will we burn in Heaven like we do down here?_

_Will the change come while we're waiting?_

_Everyone is waiting._

_**Witness, Sarah McLachlan **_

Glitter and glamour in abundance was deftly patted onto her face with the skill it had taken her years to develop. If anyone knew how to look beautiful, it was Amane Misa. She carefully applied the foundation, the blush, the eye shadow, the lipstick, the mascara and eyeliner. She combed every knot from her golden hair and then ran the hard bristle brush through it until it gleamed.

She slipped on a delicate, soft pink dress that fitted her form to show off her curves. It was sleeveless and flared out at the bottom, which ended just above her knees. This was a far more conservative outfit than she usually wore but she wanted to impress Light tonight and the plain and simple truth was that Light was a conservative individual. He liked things to be logical more than he liked things to be pretty but Misa knew that he really enjoyed a blend of the two.

Just as she was slipping on her black pumps, she heard a knock at the door. Her face split into the happiest of smiles. Her Light was here to pick her up, just as he'd promised! He always kept his promises even if his heart wasn't always in it. Light was a very dependable person. Misa didn't always like his decisions but they were never unexpected.

She rushed to the door to let him in and beamed brightly at that familiar handsome face. He offered her a smile in return- a smile she knew was fake- and offered her the single lily that he held in his hands.

"It made me think of you," he said with just the right amount of charm. Her heart swelled with happiness. Her Light had been thinking about her! He'd even bought her a flower! This was unusually affectionate of him.

She accepted the flower graciously. "Oh, Light, you shouldn't have!" she gushed as she hurried to fetch a vase of water for it. She proudly placed it in the center of her little kitchen table and clapped her hands together in delight. "It's beautiful! Thank you so much for thinking about me!"

He allowed her to throw her arms around him and hide her face in his chest. After a few moments he lifted his own arms and lightly held her in return. "You're welcome, Misa," he replied tenderly. "Are you ready to go? I have reservations for us at the new restaurant that just opened up."

"Eh, really?!" Misa's eyes grew wide in excitement as she pulled away from him to look at his face. "Wow, Light, you're the best! Just one second, okay? I'm nearly ready!" She rushed back to her bedroom and he could hear her searching around for something. She came back a moment later, a golden pendant depicting the Virgin Mary hung round her neck. "How do you like it?" she asked with a blush. "It was my mother's."

"It's beautiful," Light responded easily with a smile that could melt the coldest of hearts. He brushed a strand of hair from her face and leaned in to gently brush her lips with his. "It really suits you."

* * *

L woke to the feeling of a cool cloth against his forehead. With a soft groan he opened his eyes and glanced around. He was lying on the floor, he realized, with a pillow under his head and a blanket laid over him. It took him a moment to remember why he was there but then it hit him and with that memory, the pain in his abdomen returned. However, there was a new pain now as well; a sort of… burning sensation… between his legs. He started to sit up and realized that he felt very faint and lethargic, like he'd lost a lot of blood or something along those lines.

"How are you feeling?" Watari approached him and knelt down, pressing his hand to L's forehead. L looked back at him with glassy eyes and shrugged his shoulders slightly. He really didn't feel well at all but he certainly wasn't going to admit it. Watari frowned softly. "Well, you don't have a fever. Now that you're awake why don't we move you over to the bed?"

"That sounds like a capital idea," L admitted. "I have to say, the floor is not the most comfortable of places. My back is already starting to cramp. How long was I out?" As he spoke, he pushed himself up off the floor, casting aside the blanket as he did so.

Watari gave a surprised gasp and abruptly pushed him back down. "Ryuzaki, you're bleeding."

The detective stared at him in confusion. "Bleeding? Watari, what are you talking about? I just feel a little ill, is all. Did I hit my head or something when I fell? I could have sworn that you caught me."

"I did catch you, Ryuzaki," Watari replied. He looked mournful. "Child, I didn't think… just lay down for a moment, alright?" Perplexed, L did as he was told. "Ryuzaki, I didn't think I was out nearly long enough for him to do anything… you seemed fine when I came to but it never crossed my mind…"

"What are you talking about?" L snapped. He started to sit up again and happened to glance down at his lap. His breath caught in his throat as his eyes took in the sight of red staining his jeans. Blood, he realized, had dyed the crotch that color, and a lot of it at that. It quickly clicked in his mind what it must look like to Watari. "Nothing happened," he spoke quickly, turning his gaze back to his caretaker. "He didn't do anything, Watari."

The elder was not convinced and L could see it on his face. "I understand that this… must be traumatic," he began. "But when I came to, you were missing your shirt and hadn't quite managed to button your jeans. Now you're bleeding… There's no denying what happened. I just can't believe that he would hurt you so severely…"

"He didn't!" L insisted, shaking his head. "I'm not in denial, Watari! He forced me to undress, yes, and he definitely invaded my personal space but he did not go any further. I promise you that he did not. I… I have no idea why I'm bleeding but it must have something to do with that concoction he forced me to drink. Before I passed out I was experiencing severe abdominal cramps. Actually, I still don't feel a lot better." He grimaced slightly at the dull pain still present.

Thankfully, Watari seemed to actually take his word for it this time. Still, the stressed expression remained on his face. "So it was poison," he murmured. "What could he possibly gain from poisoning you, though?"

The detective shook his head. "I have no idea but it seems the most plausible explanation. Of course, there is always the off chance that this is completely unrelated… a condition I already had that simply chose now to present itself by coincidence."

"Well, you haven't had a medical examination in quite a while," Watari agreed. "Not since the Kira investigation began. It would be unwise, therefore, to rule out a preexisting condition. Lift up your shirt, let's see if there's any bruising present."

Obediently, L did as requested and lifted his white cotton shirt to reveal his abdomen to Watari. However, the skin there was unblemished as always. Watari gently prodded the area. "Does that hurt?" he asked. L, though he showed no signs of pain, nodded his head curtly. "Lay back, I'm going to remove your jeans and give you a quick exam. If this is poison, I'm afraid we'll have no way of combating it here. You probably need to be taken to a hospital."

He pushed L down again and L turned his gaze to the warehouse ceiling, staring up at the rafters dully. "I'm afraid I did not factor this turn of events into my calculations," he murmured, mostly to distract himself as Watari began to unbutton his jeans. "It seems that Light has feelings towards me of some sort. I would call it lust but… it hardly makes sense for him to be lusting for me. Perhaps this is simply a power trip." Watari began sliding the jeans down his hips and he tensed just slightly. "Perhaps he wrote my name in the Death Note after all." He frowned. "Perhaps all he really wanted was to look. Or maybe I did not measure up to his expectations…"

His boxer shorts and jeans were slipped down his legs and Watari carefully placed them aside. He glanced up at L and the detective sighed before spreading his legs. "This is so embarrassing," he muttered to himself. "Couldn't I do this on my own?"

Watari, however, had frozen with a look of horror etched on his face. "Ryuzaki…" he spoke quietly. "This… this is not poison. I don't know how this is even possible…"

"What is it?" L asked impatiently, eyes moving from the ceiling to gaze at the old man. Watari's mouth opened but no words came out. "Watari, what is it?" L repeated.

After a long period of silence, Watari reached forward and took hold of L's hand, pulling him back up into a sitting position. "… Tell me what you feel," he instructed, moving L's hand lower to touch just behind the detective's genitals. L instantly tensed, his fingers pressing against something completely foreign; something that shouldn't be there at all.

"Watari, that is not supposed to be there," he said finally, staring at his caretaker with eyes as wide as saucers. Biting his lip, he slowly examined his discovery with his fingers. There was no denying it. What he felt was most definitely female and most definitely not his. "He's turned me into a hermaphrodite," the detective finally managed. He brought his hand up to his face to stare at the blood on his fingers. "My anatomy has been altered…"

They were both silent for a moment, neither knowing what to say. Even L, the world's greatest detective, could not puzzle out how it was possible but they both knew it was true.

"… At least it's not poison," L spoke at last. The joke was in rather poor taste, however, and neither of them laughed at it.

* * *

Light and Misa examined their menus in silence, neither meeting the other's eyes. Misa felt like something was not quite right. Light was not himself. He'd bought her flowers, complimented her, been tender with her… well it meant he was buttering her up for something. She would do anything for him, of course, but she almost wished she could just look straight at him and tell him to go screw himself. Why was it that she only received this sort of attention from him when he was manipulating her?

"Ah… this looks good," she spoke to break the silence, pointing to a dish on her menu. "I think I'll get that. It's not fattening or anything. What do you think?"

He glanced up from his menu and for a split second she saw a look of boredom before it was replaced with a kind expression. "It does look good, Misa," he agreed rather than argue with her about her weight. Misa frowned slightly, a little stung that he hadn't said something about her weight being fine… She'd been fishing for a compliment, after all. But Light was not the kind of person to give out compliments unless it served him somehow.

"Oh, I bet you'll like this one!" she exclaimed, pointing to another dish. "Look, see, doesn't that look tasty?"

To her chagrin, he only glanced at it for a second before shaking his head. "Too sweet," he said by way of explanation. Her shoulders slumped. She'd forgotten that he didn't like sweets. He was so… clean and logical. Like a sterilized hospital room, where everything was white and everything served a specific purpose. No nonsense.

She pouted slightly. "Right, I forgot," she muttered, sticking her lips out sulkily. Man, this date was lame… this was way worse than when Light and Ryuzaki had been chained together. At least then there was always someone interacting with her and Light still felt the need to be nice. With his memories back, she could tell that Light only saw her as a tool. She was determined to change that, though! She was Misa Misa, after all, everyone loved her! She knew that Light wasn't like all those idiot fans – and she liked that about him. But even he couldn't be impervious to her charm!

"Don't do that," he scolded lightly. "It's very unattractive." Misa felt her heart plummet at those words and she quickly schooled her expression. But the minute he looked away again, her scowl returned.

"This date sucks way worse than having Ryuzaki around," she muttered softly to herself. Light glanced up at her and arched one eyebrow questioningly. Misa shrugged her shoulders moodily and shook her head to indicate that she wasn't interested in talking about it. Light would only lie to her anyway and suddenly she didn't feel like being lied to.

The waiter approached and took their orders. A silence settled over them as they waited for their meal. There wasn't a lot that Misa and Light could talk about, really. The only thing that interested Light was deep intellectual conversation. The truth was that the only person she'd ever seen Light enjoy a conversation with was Ryuzaki.

They ate their food in silence too. "That was very good," Misa said politely when she'd finished. She waited while Light paid the bill. They walked to the car without a word, got in without a word, and drove to Misa's apartment without a word.

"Good night," Misa said softly, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Be safe, Light. Call me, okay?" He nodded with a smile but Misa could see that he was only humoring her. She sighed and walked into her apartment, shutting the door behind her and shutting him out.

* * *

There was a complete bathroom set up in the warehouse. It had a shower, a toilet, and a sink but it was, like everything else, right out in the open. Just looking at it had made L feel… vulnerable. Light was refusing to allow them any privacy, it seemed. L wondered if this was payback for the chain, during which time he and Light had been forced to share the bathroom, watch each other undress, and share the same bed.

Nonetheless, L took a shower. A long, cleansing one in which he scrubbed every inch of his skin and washed away all of the blood. When he finally felt clean again he turned off the tap and stepped out. He was met with a large fluffy towel held up for him by Watari. L gratefully allowed himself to be wrapped up in it.

"How are you feeling?" Watari inquired, guiding him over to one of the two beds. "Are you still in pain?"

L shook his head. "No, I'm fine now," he assured his caretaker. "I think it is safe to assume that the pain I was feeling was due to the transformation of my body. The transformation must be complete now since I no longer feel any pain at all."

The older man nodded in agreement and turned to the wardrobe beside the bed, opening it up. To their surprise, the wardrobe was filled with clothing: shirts, underwear, jeans, and socks. However, in the entire wardrobe there was not a white shirt to be found.

"Do you think he's trying to tell me something?" L joked as Watari took out a new outfit for him. Watari regarded him gravely as the detective began to dress himself.

"He's telling you that he's in control," the old man replied. "We are currently on very thin ice, Ryuzaki. It is very hard to tell what he is planning, exactly, but I think it is safe to assume his intentions towards you are not entirely honorable, especially considering this new development."

L experienced a strange feeling. For a moment he couldn't quite place what it was… but then he realized what it was. He was _embarrassed_. "I admit, I can't think of any other reason behind this except some sort of perversion," he muttered as he buttoned his jeans. "However, I would like to think that I have gotten to know Light extremely well in the time that we were chained together. He did not strike me as the sort of person to attack another in such a way. He feels he must justify every action he makes which is why, as Kira, he only kills those that he deems unworthy or those that interfere with what he believes to be his mission in life. He strives to improve the world and he has killed rapists." Rapists- the word left a sour taste in his mouth. He had never, ever considered that someone would sexually assault him. He was not, to his knowledge, desirable in any way. That wasn't to say that he thought lowly of his appearance but he did not presume that others would consider him attractive.

"Ryuzaki… this is not something I have ever felt was necessary for you and I to discuss but I think that we should take a moment to consider all of the possible outcomes of this." Watari softly closed the doors of the wardrobe. "I don't want to frighten you but I don't want you to be unprepared either."

L felt almost like a child being chastised. "I am not ignorant, Watari," he replied sharply, perhaps a little more harshly than he needed to. "I can handle it, if it comes to that. Pain is… unpleasant but not intolerable." A silence settled over the two of them and a shiver ran down L's spine. The concrete floor was unbearably cold against the bottoms of his feet.

Watari turned to him then and reached out, slowly, to place his hands on L's shoulders. He looked L directly in the eyes and opened his mouth to say something… then shut it again and simply drew L forward into a gentle embrace. L froze within his hold, surprised by the contact. Watari had not held him like this since he was very small.

"Watari…"

"Hush," the old man murmured, resting one hand on top of L's head, stroking the detective's hair. "You are very intelligent, Ryuzaki, and very brave. I have more faith in you than I have in anyone else. But I know that if Light does attack you… rape you… it will hurt you much more than you realize. It would be more professional of me to say that the damage to your mind would be the primary concern but… you are my child. Not by blood, perhaps, but I have raised you and I do love you as any father would love his son. It would be the most terrible thing for me to see him break you down like that. I don't think I can really prepare you for such an experience but I want you to remember that I am here for you."

His words stunned L. For a few long moments he simply remained lax in Watari's hold. Finally, he lifted his hands and loosely returned the embrace. "I know," he replied with the smallest of smiles. "You are always there for me, Watari."

* * *

After dropping Misa off at her apartment Light could not decide whether or not to return home. He had, originally, intended to go back to his parents' for the night but about twenty minutes into the drive he'd realized that he was heading in the wrong direction; he'd been heading towards the warehouse where L and Watari were currently held captive.

He pulled his car over in a gas station parking lot and put it in park. Reaching into his pocket, he drew out the golden Mother Mary pendant Misa had worn earlier. He'd managed to discreetly remove it from around her neck without her noticing during a kiss before they'd entered the restaurant. The gold shimmered in the dim light of the gas station and Light stared at it, mesmerized. The figure of Mary caressed the infant Jesus in her arms… the son of God.

He pocketed it again and pulled back out onto the road, suddenly sure of where he wanted to go. He continued on his way to the warehouse, suddenly desiring to see his new prize again before he retired for the night. He wanted to see how the golden necklace would look hung around L's neck.

When he pulled his car up to the massive warehouse, he could see the light from inside peeking out from the bottom of the door into the pitch black night. Did that mean that its inhabitants were still up and about? It was late but they probably were, or at least L was. L did, of course, get enough sleep to function but he stayed up very, very late into the night, as Light had witnessed during their time 'trapped' together. He shut his car off and stepped out, already fishing out the keys to the high-tech lock attached to the door.

It had been extremely difficult to get the whole thing set up. Luckily, he'd long ago rented the warehouse on the off chance that he would need it in the future. The furnishings, however, were impossible to purchase from distant locations due to the time restrictions and he'd had to order them all from local stores. He had paid a significant amount of extra money to speed the process along and then he'd hacked into the computer systems of every company he'd bought from and erased any records on his purchases. It was not a perfect plan, being so rushed, but it was efficient.

His key slid into the lock and he pushed the door open, stepping inside. From the kitchen area, L and Watari looked up from their seats at the small table, watching him with intense stares. He regarded them coolly for a moment before turning his back on them to shut the door and lock it again. "I see you've made yourselves at home."

He presumed Watari was responsible for the food they were currently eating, a bowl of rice each. He doubted L even knew how to cook. His experience with L was that the detective, at over twenty years old, still did not even do his own laundry.

"I assumed that you wished us to do so," L spoke in his irritatingly dull voice. "You did set this place up in a very… homey… sort of way. My apologies if we have misunderstood your intentions."

L was baiting him, of course. Light did not feel like rising to the bait, however. He merely shrugged his shoulders. "I have something for you, Ryuzaki," he said, taking the pendant out of his pocket again. L stood up from his chair and watched as Light approached. Light lifted the pendant up so that both L and Watari could get a good look at it. "I want you to wear this all the time," he said, fastening it around L's neck. L stared down in confusion at the charm where it laid against the army green material of his shirt.

"You do know who she is, Light-kun?" the detective queried. "The Blessed Virgin, Mary, Mother of God. I do not understand why you would want me to wear such a charm. To my knowledge, neither of us is a Christian. Do not tell me that you have converted? In which case, I feel I must remind you… Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

The look in Light's eyes chilled the detective. Light raised his hands and touched them to L's face, brushing back a few wild strands of hair. "I know who she is," he replied softly. "You're a virgin, aren't you?" L stared back at him with no change in his expression. "I can tell. You always speak about sex like it's something entirely separate from you. You were scared earlier, weren't you? You couldn't figure out what I would do."

The devil himself, Light, leaned in and tenderly pressed his lips against L's. "You don't know how to react to this," he whispered against the soft skin. L was frozen to the spot, his eyes bugging out in shock. He shivered at Light's words. This feeling… was not unpleasant. It was strange and new but it felt good. Light was correct; he didn't know how to react. "The Blessed Virgin Lawliet," Light whispered. He let his tongue tease the detective's lips. L gasped sharply in surprise and Light took advantage of the opportunity, letting his tongue sweep into L's mouth. L jerked back but Light's hands held him in place. He gave a muffled noise of distress as Light's tongue explored the cavern of his mouth and finally Light released him and allowed him to pull away. L quickly separated himself from Light, backing up several steps.

"Start explaining yourself," the detective hissed, actually giving Light a hateful glare. Light reveled in it. "That "potion" you gave me… what was it?" He barely glanced at the blood stain on the floor, more out of reflex than anything. Light followed his line of sight and curiosity sparked in his eyes.

"What did it do?" he questioned, taking a step towards L. L backed up again. "Running away, Lawliet?" Light taunted. "It's not like you to back down. What are you afraid of? Did the potion do anything… unexpected… to you?"

L was taken aback by the question. An important fact suddenly dawned on him. "…You didn't know what it would do," he stated. He gave a shaky laugh. "It was an experiment, wasn't it? You just wanted to see what it did." Relief washed over him. "You're an idiot, Light-kun," he said, the tension draining from his body.

He looked to Light for confirmation but Light said nothing. "…Light-kun?" he questioned. "That is… what it was, of course. Correct?"

"I never pegged you for the type to fool himself, Ryuzaki," Light replied coldly. "Then again, I suppose I expected you to piece at least some of it together and confront me about it. You're not making it any easier on yourself, trying to deny what you know I want from you."

The look on L's face was absolutely priceless. Light smirked and turned his attention to Watari. "If you'll be so kind, Watari-san, please come this way." He beckoned for Watari to follow him to the couch and pushed the large sofa aside to reveal a chain fastened to the floor with a cuff on one end. Picking up the cuff, he swiftly grasped Watari's wrist and clipped it on. The old man gave a startled shout and L flinched in surprise, wide eyed as he tried to comprehend what was happening.

"Sorry, Watari-san," Light said in a mock polite tone, patting the old man on top of the head. "I can't have you interfering. Please don't be angry. This is for the good of mankind, believe me. Everything I do has a purpose."

"Don't touch him!" Watari exclaimed, jerking at the chain that held him. "Yagami think of what you are doing! This is a crime, you punish criminals!"

L felt like he was drowning. Was Light really going to do this? Was Light planning to rape him right now? He stiffened when Light turned away from his caretaker and fixed him with a terrifying expression that L could not quite place. The youth started in his direction with slow, deliberate steps and for a moment L couldn't do anything at all but stare.

"Don't worry, Lawliet," Light chanted with a soft, vicious laugh. "Virgins are often given to the gods as gifts, you know. And I am the god of the new world. Would you deny a god his right?"

This was not Light; not the boy that L had grown close to. There was nothing in those cruel eyes that L recognized of the innocent, pure boy he'd known. And there was no way in hell he was going to let the devil wearing Light's face within three feet of him. He slowly backed up and stepped behind the table, placing the piece of furniture between himself and Light. "I'm an atheist, Light-kun," he retorted. "I don't believe in gods."

The smirk on Light's face twisted immediately into a snarl, his eyes lighting up with fury. He suddenly lunged forward, pushing the table with strength that L had not known the boy possessed. The table collided with the surprised detective and sent him crashing to the ground, trapped beneath its crushing weight. He scrambled to escape before Light reached him; barely freeing himself before Light's hands suddenly fisted in his shirt and pulled him up. L reacted on pure instinct by delivering a powerful kick to Light's midsection. He scrambled to the other side of the building when Light's hands released him and stood there panting, trying to catch his breath.

Light remained doubled over in pain for a few before he started to slowly climb to his feet. He turned without looking at L and reached for the buckle of his belt, unbuckling it and pulling it off before folding it in half. "That was a mistake, Ryuzaki," he growled softly, starting in L's direction once again.

"Yagami, let him be!" Watari again demanded. L shrank back against the wall as Light approached him, the belt held aloft. "Yagami!" Watari shouted and L threw his arms up in front of his face as Light brought the belt down on him in a harsh blow. His body jerked in pain when the blow landed on his bare arms.

Light grabbed L's left wrist roughly and pulled L's arm away from his face, bringing another blow down on him. The leather bit into L's cheek and he couldn't help the sharp cry of pain that escaped him. He started to struggle against Light's hold, kicking out at the boy desperately but unable to land a hit. Light brought down more blows, striking his face, his arms, his legs, his back, anywhere the belt could reach and every time L tried to fight back it left him vulnerable to another attack. Finally he gave in and curled up as best he could to protect the more vulnerable areas of his body, suffering silently through the beating. When Light finally ceased the beating and cast the belt aside, L was little more than a panting, trembling mass of pain.

"Get up," the boy snarled, dragging L up off the floor. The detective stumbled to his feet, dazed, and allowed himself to be pulled along until he realized that Light was dragging him towards the bed.

"No!" he exclaimed, fighting against Light's hold despite the pain he was in. "Light, release me! Don't you dare-!"

Despite his best efforts, he found himself being forcefully pushed down on the bed. Light deftly grabbed L's shirt and jerked it off, throwing it to the floor. L felt panic starting to set in when Light's fingers began to fumble with the button of his jeans. "Light, stop-!" He was cut off with a harsh blow across the face that snapped his head to the side. Seeing stars, he fought to regain his equilibrium as Light began tugging off his jeans and underwear.

Light paused, L's wrists held firmly in one hand, and simply stared for a long moment. Then he began to laugh, loud and sharp. "Ah, Ryuzaki! How perfect is this! I never imagined it would work in such a way- how fantastic!" L suddenly felt Light's fingers between his thighs, touching the new genitalia. He gasped when he felt one of those fingers slip inside without warning.

"Light!" he practically shrieked, renewing his struggles to escape. Light firmly held him down on the bed, pinning the detective's legs beneath his body weight. "Stop that! You don't want to do this!" Light ignored him and added another finger. L's chest heaved up and down as he fought against his panic. "Stop!"

Light's fingers suddenly drew away and L relaxed, the struggle having exhausted him. Then Light's face appeared hovering above his own and L gasped sharply at the proximity before Light's lips came crashing down on his own, harsh and bruising. Again he struggled, so focused on escaping that terrible kiss that he almost missed the sound of a zipper being undone. He suddenly found his legs being pushed apart, Light's fingers digging into his thighs.

"You want to know what this is all about, L?" Light hissed with venom dripping from his words. L felt hard flesh brushing against the vagina and he choked back a whimper. "That potion I made you take, Ryuzaki… it gave you the ability to bear children." Hysterical laughter bubbled out of the boy. "You'll be the mother of the child of a god!"

L opened his mouth to protest when that hardened flesh suddenly rammed into him, the pain shocking him right to his core. He screamed, unable to hold any of it back, only to feel Light draw back and then slam into him again. It hurt, oh god, it hurt! This wasn't supposed to happen, never supposed to happen, someone had to stop it. Someone had to get Light off! "Watari!" he cried out, the panic seizing him full force. Light pounded into him, still laughing like it was all some sort of joke. L became aware of tears sliding down his face. He couldn't stop them. "Watari, please, help me!" he all but sobbed.

"Ryuzaki, I can't." L had never heard Watari sound so miserable. "If I could, I would. You have to bear through this, I know you can. You'll survive. Please just hang on, Ryuzaki."

"No, please, make it stop!" L was reduced to begging, the pain was so immense. "I can't do it, I can't take this! What is this?! Get away from me! Stop!" Light said something in response but his voice was breathy and his words broken by panting; L's jumbled mind couldn't make sense of them. He heard the laughter again and words failed him as caved in and just sobbed. Light's fingers tenderly stroked his face and he felt Light's thrusts loose the rhythm they'd built up to, becoming faster and less steady. Then Light gave a final sharp thrust and his body stilled. L felt something hot, a liquid, something like that, shoot into him, spreading inside of him. He continued to cry as Light collapsed on top of him though the sobs gradually began to lessen as he fought for control.

"Shh," Light's poisonous voice whispered in his ear and L was paralyzed with fear, staring at the boy with horror as tears continued to roll down his face. Light remained lying on top of him for a few long moments before he finally moved off of L and righted his clothing. "Don't cry, Lawliet," he soothed, wiping the tears from L's face. "You did well." He gently laid his hand against L's stomach, lightly stroking the skin there. "If the potion worked, you'll be with child. Don't worry, I know it's frightening, but you are very important. Your child will be the heir to my new world. You should feel honored."

L did not feel honored. He felt terrified and confused but he was sure that those feelings were as far away from "honored" as one could get. He shook his head in a last ditch attempt at defiance but Light only chuckled as he moved away. A numbing feeling spread through L as he turned on his side and curled in on himself against the pain still raging through him.

Light made his way over to Watari and took a set of keys out of his pocket to unlock the shackle. Watari refused to look at him as he was released from his bonds, instead brushing aside Light and rushing to L's side. "Ryuzaki…"

The detective didn't respond immediately. He was still in a daze- a state of shock, he vaguely recognized. He heard the locks on the door sliding closed, trapping them in once again. His breathing hitched in distress.

"Watari… he raped me," L whispered, eyes blank and staring at nothing. "Why'd he… I don't… understand… Light… he wouldn't… why'd he do that to me?"

There was no way for Watari to answer that question. The old man's gaze turned to the bare skin of L's stomach, remembering the way Light had caressed L and the words he'd spoken. "It's okay," he murmured. "You're alright now, Ryuzaki. You survived like I said you would. You're going to be fine."

"I… I'm scared…" L's voice was distant, faraway. "I said… didn't I say… for him to stop? I said for him to stop, I know it. Light shouldn't have done that. It hurt… It hurt… I don't understand. Why did that happen? Watari… I was yelling for you…"

He reached out a hand to his caretaker and Watari quickly caught it. He squeezed it reassuringly. "You're in shock right now," he began to explain to his charge. "You're most likely suffering from Rape Trauma Syndrome; don't worry, most victims experience it. It is something you can overcome. For now you just need to relax. You're safe right now. He won't come back tonight."

"He'll come back," L replied, beginning to tremble violently. "He will, of course. Tomorrow or the next day. He'll come back."

"He won't come back tonight," Watari repeated firmly. "Tonight you're safe. Just relax."

~TBC


	4. The Feet of Angels

**Gilded Cage**

By Bluegrass Elf a.k.a. Haiku

A Death Note Fiction

Rated: M

Pairing(s): One sided Misa/Light, Nonconsensual Light/L, future Light/L

Warnings: Rape, Violence, MPreg

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note in any way, shape, or form. I do, however, claim the plot line of this story as my own. I don't mind if you use some of the elements in it, of course, but it will really irritate me if you blatantly copy my work. You're better than that. Don't do it.

I also make no claim on the lyrics of Come Lay Down, by Howie Day.

**Author's Note: **Happy Holidays, readers! I am very excited for Christmas, all sorts of lovely presents and food. This is my gift to all of you for the holidays! And the only thing I ask in return is reviews! Let the holiday spirit compel you to leave me lots of wonderful reviews for my hard work, pretty please. 3 I absolutely love to hear from my readers. Thanks guys!

**The Feet of Angels**

_Come lay down at the edge_

_Come lay down at the broken edge_

_Come lay down at the feet of angels_

_Eying you in a northern sky_

_**Come Lay Down, Howie Day**_

In the early hours of the morning Yagami Soichiro was woken by the sound of a key in the lock. Careful not to wake his wife, he rose from his bed and drew on his robe to go and greet his son.

Light was ruffled; not at all his usual perfectly groomed self, with his shirt halfway tucked into his pants and his hair mussed. He glanced up the stairs at his father when he heard footsteps. "Father," he said softly, nodding his head to the man as he toed off his shoes. He started up the stairs. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"You're coming in very late, Light," Soichiro replied with a small frown. He did not miss Light's disorganized appearance. Though his intelligence was not nearly to Light's level, he was an incredibly perceptive man. He noticed little things that most people did not; he'd passed that ability down to his oldest child.

Light nodded and had the decency to appear apologetic. "I'm sorry, I was with Misa," he replied, knowing full well what those words, combined with his appearance, would make his father think. "I promised to take her out."

"Ah… I see." Soichiro did not approve of what he assumed Light had been doing this night. However, Light was not a child anymore and it was up to him what he did and how long he stayed out. At least he was actually showing some real interest in Misa now. "I'm afraid I have bad news," he spoke instead, addressing a more serious matter. "Ryuzaki and Watari have gone missing."

"Missing?!" Light promptly dropped the shoe he'd been holding, his eyes growing wide in shock. "Did they just… leave?!"

Soichiro sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "We searched the entire building and could not find them. It is possible that Ryuzaki simply grew tired of the case, I suppose, but it would be more like him to make a scene if that were the case. Perhaps announce to us all that we were wholly incompetent and no longer worth his attention."

It surprised Light momentarily how well his father had L pegged. Then again, Soichiro had been working closely with L for some time now. "You're probably right," he agreed, easily donning a distressed expression. "So then if he didn't leave on his own… you think perhaps Kira could be behind this?"

"I wouldn't rule it out." Soichiro offered his son a strained smile. "Don't worry about it, Light. Ryuzaki is very capable of taking care of himself. I know he's important to you but try not to let it upset you. We will find him."

"Of course, Dad," Light replied, nodding in agreement. "We should both get some sleep before tomorrow, though. We won't do the team any good at all if we can't function."

His father lightly patted his shoulder as he walked past him, headed to his bedroom. "You continue to amaze me, Light," Soichiro remarked. "I am truly blessed to have a son like you."

Light just smiled in response.

* * *

L was not okay. He was farther away from 'okay' than he had ever been in his entire life. However, Watari was taking steps to make sure that the damage was as minimal as possible. The first thing he did was move L to the other bed. He stripped the bloody sheets off of the first bed and stuffed them in the trash bin rather than attempt to clean them. While L slept, he took pains to erase all evidence of the night before. He moved the couch back overtop the chain on the floor and righted the kitchen table. He cleaned up the broken bowls and rice and he folded the discarded clothing on the floor and placed it at the foot of L's bed.

When he woke up, L didn't say anything. He stared up at Watari with sleep dimmed eyes and seemed… lost, for lack of a better word. Watari offered a comforting smile. L frowned and averted his gaze. "How are you doing, Ryuzaki?" the old man asked gently.

L pushed himself into a sitting position. "I would like a shower," he stated calmly and if it hadn't been for the rough, scratchy tone of his voice he would have sounded exactly like he always did. He coughed slightly and reached a hand up to massage his sore throat.

"Of course," Watari agreed, nodding. He patiently watched as L slowly climbed from the bed and pushed himself to his feet. L stumbled slightly, grabbing onto the bedpost to catch his balance. Even though he wanted to, Watari did not move to help him and L continued on his way to the shower unaided. Watari knew better than to try and step in. L was very immature about wanting to do things on his own.

Inside the shower, L did not feel safe. The water pouring down on him did not make him feel clean. His body ached so terribly that he couldn't bear standing up for very long and opted instead to sit down in the shower and let the spray cleanse him. He watched blood swirl down the drain. Blood. There was blood in the water because he was bleeding from… from _there_.

Light did that, he told himself. Light was the one to blame. Light should never have touched him. Light should have been his friend.

Tears came again but he fought them. He would not let himself cry. It was a foolish thing that helped nothing and he was L. Every move he made needed to have a reason, needed to be logical, and needed to make sense.

None of this made sense.

Watari could hear soft, smothered, choking sobs from inside the shower. There was nothing he could do, though, and it was killing him. L was hurting… and he could do nothing. He had prayed that it would not come to this. He had hoped that L was right about Light, that the boy would not stoop so low. However, his hopes and prayers had gone unanswered.

"Ryuzaki, you need to come out of there," he told L after a while, knocking sharply on the shower door. There was no response. He knocked again. "Come now, Ryuzaki. I have a nice, fluffy towel for you and I've found some sweets in the cabinet. Won't you come on out now?"

He could see L's blurred figure through the distorted glass of the shower door. The young man began to heavily pull himself up, leaning heavily against the shower wall for support as he switched off the water.

Watari wrapped him up tightly in the promised towel when he came out and guided him back over to the bed. "Let's get you some clothes," the old man murmured comfortingly.

"I'm still bleeding," L said; his voice barely more than a whisper. When Watari turned to look at him with an alarmed expression, he added softly, "Just a little."

"He was… too rough with you," Watari struggled to explain. L hung his head, staring at his feet while water dripped from his wet hair. "You could have lacerations… inside of you. If it's only a little bleeding we won't worry too much. It will probably heal in a few days."

"I don't want to get blood everywhere," L said, never looking up. "It's not very hygienic." He let his shoulders sag. "… I hate him."

It wasn't fair, Watari thought to himself. After all L had sacrificed for the world, this was what he received in return? But then, it was hardly fair to hold the world responsible for Light's actions. "You can roll up some toilet paper to catch the blood," he said gently. "You just put it in your underwear. The bleeding won't continue for very long."

L suddenly reached out and grabbed the alarm clock that had been sitting on the bedside table. He hurled it at the wall as hard as he could. The plastic clock smashed from the force, pieces scattering all over the cold, cruel concrete floor. "I hate him," he repeated, his breathing growing shakier with stress.

The anger melted away as quickly as it had come and L's shoulders trembled. "He was my friend."

"You always knew he was probably Kira," Watari said, taking out another towel to dry L's hair. "We will come out of this, Ryuzaki. We will bring him to justice."

"I don't care," L whispered bitterly. "That… won't make it go away. That won't give me my virginity back. It won't make anything better, it will just take him away from me and then what will I do? I can't go back to… to me. Not after all this." He subconsciously placed a hand on his stomach. "And then… if he was telling the truth… about me being pregnant… what will I do about that?"

Watari shook his head. "You don't know for certain that you even are," he reasoned. "Don't worry about that until the time comes, alright? Even if you are, you won't show signs for another month, at least. By then… well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

What did that mean, though? L pinched the bridge of his nose, fighting against the headache that he was developing. "I wouldn't know what to do with a baby," he said softly, absently. "I've heard that childbirth is one of the most painful experiences. Can't be much worse than…" His hands dug into the mattress. "Why would Light want a child? And why with me?"

It didn't seem healthy to let L dwell on this but it didn't seem like there was much chance of keeping the young man distracted from what he'd just experienced, so Watari gave up. He took out a fresh set of clothes and helped L step into them. "What would I name a baby?" L mused aloud and the more he spoke, the more distant he sounded. His eyes slowly grew dull. "I don't know. Something complicated and unusual. I wouldn't tell him what it was."

Watari slid a shirt over L's head. "Shh," he soothed, sitting down beside the confused detective, wrapping an arm around L's shoulders. L's breath hitched slightly and Watari gently rubbed his shoulder to comfort him. "It's okay."

"Do you think…I could care for a baby?" L asked, laying his head against Watari's shoulder numbly. His eyes started to slide closed. "A baby… I don't want it… Watari…"

"Get some sleep, Ryuzaki," Watari murmured. He shifted L and laid the detective down on the bed. L sleepily turned his face into the pillow. Watari drew the blankets up over him. "You're strong, brave, smart…" L sighed deeply and gripped the pillow tight. "Ryuzaki…"

* * *

Misa sat in the car outside headquarters, patiently (for the most part) waiting on her hero to come back out. He'd gone in nearly an hour prior to "help the investigation team search for Watari and L." That was easily translated as "search for any clues L might have left behind and destroy them before the team saw them." Misa didn't mind this, honestly. It was necessary. L was the enemy and he could destroy them if allowed the opportunity. Though she didn't understand why Light had not apparently killed Ryuzaki yet. What was he waiting for?

She stared out the window at the road, watching cars zoom past. The people in those cars… they knew nothing. They didn't know what had gone on inside the building that they so casually passed by. They didn't know that they were ignoring their savior, their god, who was working tirelessly to make this world a better place. Misa, however, would never take Kira for granted. Light, her beautiful Light, had given her what no one else could give her- revenge.

Her hand absently moved to touch her neck. She'd lost her precious heirloom sometime during her date with Light and now she was kicking herself for wearing it at all. It had been her mother's. Her mother was a Christian, an American woman who'd moved to Japan and met her father. She had always believed that God would make things right in the world. Misa had vivid memories of her mother telling her to trust in the lord, for it was only he that would rid the world of evil.

Misa trusted in her God. Light would, oh he would. He was true justice. And she had to keep telling herself that it didn't matter how cruel he was at times and it didn't matter that Ryuzaki was going to die because that was what was required. Light would make it all better.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him exiting in the building, his father in tow. A smile leapt onto her face and she rolled the car window down. "Light, how did it go?!" she called to him. "Did you find anything?"

Light shook his head with a heavy sigh. "Not a trace," he replied and Misa rejoiced in her mind but kept her expression sad and worried.

"You think Kira killed him?" she asked, eyes watering just enough to be convincing. She turned to Soichiro beseechingly. "Yagami-san… you will find Ryuzaki-kun, right? I… I can't believe he's dead. He's gotta' be out there somewhere. Please… please find him."

Oh, she was a horrible person! She didn't feel right deceiving Light's father like this and she didn't like that Ryuzaki was going to die and she didn't like that Light was the one making all of that happen. Why couldn't he be sweet again? Why did he have to cause so much pain to make the world better?

"Of course, Misa-chan," Soichiro replied reassuringly, completely buying her act. "Please don't worry about it, we will find Ryuzaki. We will not rest until we know that he is safe."

_No you won't. _Misa thought miserably. She supposed her misery must have shown on her face because Soichiro reached through the window to pat her shoulder in reassurance. She offered him a watery smile. "I have faith in Yagami-san!" she lied cheerfully. "I know you can find Ryuzaki-kun so I will try my best not to worry about him. Thank you so much!"

* * *

The second time L woke his head was aching like it never had before. As he opened his eyes, it struck him that the lights were far too bright and the pain increased. He groaned softly and rolled over on his side. A dull ache spread through him at the movement. His eyes stung again with tears and he was getting sick of all this crying he seemed to have no control over.

"_Don't cry, Lawliet," _a mocking memory whispered at him. _"You did well."_

He sat upright, his eyes wide. "Shut up!" he exclaimed. His body tensed for some sort of reaction from the phantom Light that had roused him.

From across the room, Watari had paused what he was doing and was staring at him questioningly. With a small noise of frustration, L flopped backwards on the bed again and glared up at the ceiling. It was a really high ceiling, he noticed. That made sense, since this was a warehouse. At least, he was pretty sure it was a warehouse. Light had set up like a home though. Everything one would need in a real house: a bathroom, a kitchen, beds, couch, clothes, television set, washer and dryer, everything. A person could live here for quite a while, so long as they were provided with food. Definitely at least nine months.

There came those tears again. He held them back and shook his head. His arms wrapped around his stomach and held tight defensively. He didn't like this at all. It was all uncomfortable and confusing and up until now everything in L's world had been specific and explainable, all parts to a big machine that was kept well-oiled and in working condition. His job was to explain the unexplained and solve the unsolvable. He was a detective, not a… surrogate mother!

Then again, this didn't really count as being a surrogate, did it? The baby (if there was one) would have his own DNA along with Light's. It wasn't just Light's child, it was… his.

He sat up again and swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Would I be allowed to keep it?" he asked aloud, looking over at Watari. The old man, startled, glanced over at him with a bewildered expression.

"Keep what, Ryuzaki?"

"My baby," L replied, standing up and stretching. He was tired of referring to it as 'the' baby. That made it seem like it wasn't his at all, like Light had the only claim to it. But if there really was a baby, L was not going to let Light near it. "Would I be allowed to keep it, when we escape?"

Watari seemed caught off guard by the question. "Ryuzaki…" He set aside the bowl he'd been mixing pancake batter in. "It would depend, I suppose. I don't know if the establishment would agree but if you wanted to keep it, I would insist you be allowed to. However, I don't really think it's a good idea. If you don't want an abortion or if you're too far along by the time we escape here, I would suggest surrendering the child to the establishment. They are more than equipped for caring for a child."

L's dark eyes blinked once. "I don't think I would want to give it to the establishment," he said bluntly. "I did not like the establishment when I was smaller. It was… lonely."

"The people there do their best to care for the children with love," Watari murmured but he understood what L was saying. For all that Whammy's Orphanage tried, there was simply no way to make up for a lack of loving parents. And with so many young geniuses under one roof, it was impossible to give them all the amount of attention and care that they desired. "I just don't think you're prepared for that much responsibility."

"You could help me," L replied, walking over with his arms still wound around his abdomen. "I could try and… if I couldn't handle it, maybe I'd let the establishment take over from there."

There was a look in L's eyes that Watari hadn't seen since the young man was a small child. He could vividly remember when he'd told L that he would be leaving the orphanage to travel with him. That time, L's eyes had lit up in the same manner- a needy, desperate look of hope. This was L's way of trying to cope. He wanted to be in control of something, to know that he would have something of his own from all of this.

"… I will support your decisions, Ryuzaki," the old man finally said and he gave L a comforting smile. "I trust your judgment."

This seemed to please L because he brightened and his arms dropped to his sides. "Now then, there's the matter of getting out of here," he said, seemingly rejuvenated. He moved towards the door and Watari frowned when he realized that the detective was still limping. However, L seemed to have pushed the trauma to the back of his mind in favor of working through their current situation.

"I took the liberty of leaving a message for young Light's father," Watari said casually as he watched L run his hands over the door. "I would suspect that he will come across it within a few days time. However, if we are to rely on Yagami-san and the others, we must hope that there is some way for them to uncover our whereabouts."

L glanced over his shoulder at his caretaker. "You must also hope that Light is not the first to come across that message. I am worried that the slightest misstep from one of us could result in your death. I don't think he's keeping you here for any reason other than to use against me."

The old man shrugged his shoulders slightly. "My job is to ensure your safety. If my decision should cost me my life, I shall only regret it if you are not found by Yagami-san."

"If you are dead, you will not know if I am found or not," L reasoned. He gave up on the door and began to explore the rest of the warehouse. "I would really prefer not to be left on my own in this place, Watari. I don't think that Light will kill me now and I would appreciate your company and assistance, should the team fail to discover us."

The detective finally admitted defeat to the snug tight warehouse and dropped onto the couch, once again exhausted. His energy was very quick to run out, he noticed. A wave of misery washed over him once his mind was again focused on the previous night. "Watari, I am experiencing severely fluctuating emotions," he spoke up. "I admit that I have not previously read very much on the subject of Rape Trauma Syndrome. Would you happen to know whether or not this is a very normal reaction?"

"It is the most commonly experienced reaction, I believe, Ryuzaki," Watari replied, watching L with a concerned expression. "You have, thus far, displayed very typical symptoms. You do not seem to be experiencing any nightmares yet, however, which is a good thing. You need the rest and yes, the exhaustion you are obviously experiencing is another symptom."

"Ah. Thank you for the explanation," L said in a bland tone. He picked up the television remote and turned on the TV. A news channel flickered to life and L relaxed slightly, settling down to at least keep up with a little of the world going on outside of the magnificent cage Light had placed him in. "Now, if you would be so kind as to provide me with a cure…"

~TBC


	5. Clipping Wings

**Gilded Cage**

By Bluegrass Elf a.k.a. Haiku

A Death Note Fiction

Rated: M

Pairing(s): One sided Misa/Light, Nonconsensual Light/L, future Light/L

Warnings: Rape, Violence, MPreg

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note in any way, shape, or form. I do, however, claim the plot line of this story as my own. I don't mind if you use some of the elements in it, of course, but it will really irritate me if you blatantly copy my work. You're better than that. Don't do it.

I also make no claim on the lyrics of

**Author's Note: **-mopes- Aww, so few reviews… -pokes reviewers- You make Blue sad. I really, really love to hear from you guys so reviews are very, very appreciated. Seriously, see that button at the bottom of the page? If you liked the story it's super easy to just push it and leave some feedback. A simple "Hey, this was cool" will suffice if that's all you have time for. If you have any extra comments and such, I always try to respond to the reviews, answer any questions you might have, just be friendly. So don't be afraid to drop me a line! 3

**Clipping Wings**

_If I were a little sparrow  
O'er these mountains I would fly  
I would find him, I would find him  
Look into his lying eyes  
I would flutter all around him  
On my little sparrow wings  
I would ask him, I would ask him  
Why he let me love in vain_

_**Little Sparrow, Dolly Parton**_

Misa's apartment had never before felt so utterly empty to her before. There was no good reason for it, really. It was filled with posters of pop idols and jewelry and all sorts of trinkets, anything that made her happy. She was a super model, after all. She could afford anything, absolutely anything that she wanted. It was just very unfortunate that the one and only thing she wanted was the one man who seemed to be constantly moving further and further away from her.

As she numbly locked the door, the cackle of a shinigami echoed through the apartment. She bowed her head to hide her eyes. "Ryuk…" she murmured despondently, shuffling to her bedroom. She flopped down on her bed, never looking up at the monster drifting along behind her. "He hates me, Ryuk," she mumbled, hiding her face in her pillow. "He does, doesn't he?"

There was a period of silence. Ryuk was actually hesitant to answer. Misa was one of those people that you just didn't want to disappoint. Her crushed expression was enough to make even Ryuk feel guilty and that was practically unheard of. "He's not really very fond of you," the shinigami agreed finally, deciding that the truth was probably the best route. "But really, you're pretty and smart. You could definitely win him over."

"No I couldn't," Misa growled angrily. "He doesn't care about me at all, Ryuk! I've tried so hard to make him love me. I just don't understand. Everyone loves me, everyone says I'm charming and clever and kind… so how…" Her hands gripped her pillow tighter. "How come he likes that Ryuzaki better than me, huh? How come…"

Well, giving relationship advice was certainly not in a shinigami's job description and even though Ryuk really did feel like he should do something, anything to make that golden child cheer up again, he did not know how to handle this sort of situation. "…Well, Light's being gay does make it significantly harder for you to come out on top," he supplied at long last.

Misa could have screamed she was so frustrated. She had half a mind to just write Light's name down in her Death Note and be done with it... but… Light was Kira. Light was justice. Light was her God, her sun and moon and stars and everything in this decaying world that could ever be sacred. She didn't know what to do and Ryuk was not helping matters. "Where's Rem?" she asked. "Is she with Light now?"

"With Light?" Ryuk's eyes widened. "Oh, no. Dear Rem has passed on, Misa-chan. She sacrificed her life to give Light the names of Ryuzaki and Watari. It was to keep you safe, of course. I warned her not to do that but I suppose her feelings were too strong."

The tiny blond stiffened at those words. "Rem's… dead?" she whispered. "Rem… my Rem… she's just… dead? She died for me?" Tears came to her eyes and unlike L she did not bother trying to hold them back. There was no one but Ryuk to see her shame now, no prying eyes to invade her privacy and ask personal questions. She left herself sob quietly into her pillow.

Light was God, of course. But why, oh why did God keep taking things away from her?

* * *

Sometimes Light had moments of self-doubt. Underneath it all Light was a kind and caring person. Every now and then he looked back at all of the things he'd done in the name of justice and it made him feel sick to his stomach. Justice, it seemed, could not be achieved without some injustice.

He'd had some time to think about L since his last visit to the warehouse. He wondered what had transpired after his departure. L's screams were still fresh in his mind. The terrified expression on L's face was burned into his memory. It had been far easier than he'd expected but L was human, after all, and humans could be traumatized. Traumatized… had he traumatized L? Well, of course, he must have. He'd been so severely cruel to the detective that L would no doubt be in pain for quite some time.

He stopped at a candy store and purchased a tray of chocolate covered strawberries. He liked strawberries, personally. It had always amused him that L seemed to like them as well. But L liked all fruit and anything else that was sweet, as far as Light could tell, so it didn't really surprise him. As an afterthought, he bought a bag of cherries as well.

This was not a peace treaty, mind you. He was not apologetic for his actions. What he had done had been for the good of his new world and L should feel honored that he was chosen for this. It was something that he would not have trusted any of the women he knew with. L would have to realize before long that Light had done him a favor. He was holy now, sacred. When Light was finally god of the new world, the baby would be the child of God and L, oh L would be the mother of God, pure and untouched by anyone but Light.

"_No, please, make it stop! I can't do it, I can't take this!"_

L had cried so pitifully. It really did surprise Light that L could be victimized the same as anyone else. He'd almost expected L to retain that blank expression on his face, never allow a single tear to escape. It was empowering to realize that he really could make L scream and sob and beg.

His hands gripped the steering wheel of his car, the car his father had purchased for him only days ago as a reward for capturing Kira. He'd had to resist laughing outright at the car lot. He'd been given a present for framing someone else as himself; and an expensive present at that. However, it didn't hold a candle to the present he'd given himself.

It was getting late but he stopped at the bookstore anyway. He was in a hurry so he didn't waste time looking through the old classic novels that he was usually fascinated by, instead heading right to the section he needed.

"Oh, is this for you?" the older woman at the desk asked as she rang up the baby book.

Light nodded absently. "More for my girlfriend, actually," he half-lied. It was for L, after all. "She's a little surprised by this whole baby thing, I thought a book might help."

"Tell her I wish her luck," the woman said with a gentle smile. "Babies are hard work but they're more than worth it."

Light liked this woman. She was a good soul, the kind of person he was building his new world for. He paid her and thanked her kindly, wishing her a good evening as he left. Perhaps he would pay her another visit when he'd accomplished his goals. She liked children- maybe she would make a good nanny.

And so he showed up at the warehouse with gifts for L. He didn't once really consider how he would be received, since it hardly mattered. L had absolutely no choice in the matter anyway. He unlocked the door and opened it up, letting the light inside the monstrous building spill out into the black night like gold dust on coal. He stepped inside L's golden cage.

Two faces looked up at him instantly. Watari had been moving about the kitchen; washing dishes, Light noticed. L was curled up on the couch, a blanket wrapped around him.

The look in Watari's eyes was cold fury and Light watched with some amusement as the old man's body tensed for a fight if need be. L… well, there were more emotions burning in L's eyes now than Light had ever seen before. Anger, bewilderment, and most importantly, _fear_.

He shut the door firmly and locked it from the inside, pocketing the key. And then, ignoring the piercing stares that had yet to leave his form, he approached L.

L's immediate reaction was to scrunch back against the couch, curling tightly into a ball. Light had to hold back a smirk. He had truly defeated the world's greatest detective. He, Light Yagami, was surely the most brilliant mind between them.

Of course, that was not to say that L was stupid. No, L was of the highest class of intelligence, rivaled only by Light himself. Their child had the potential to be even smarter than either of them. The thought sent shivers down Light's spine. Intelligence… oh, that would be something he would more than promote when he finally ruled- he would insist on it.

"I brought you something," the brunet said, setting down the strawberries and cherries on the coffee table. At first L made no move but after a few long moments he slowly began to uncurl and blinked curiously at the proffered fruits. "I remember that you like them."

"Ah… so I do," L mumbled, his tone not nearly its normal cold, clear ring. It was muddled, groggy even. L looked sleepy, though he must have had nothing better to do the whole day than to sleep.

_That's a symptom, _Light's mind told him. _L never gets tired. He's definitely suffering from stress. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, most likely, and Rape Trauma Syndrome. At least one of those. _

Light opened the chocolate covered strawberries and held one out to L. "Well, have one. Fruit is good for you anyway. You'll need balanced meals from now on but we'll start small."

"Balanced meals?" L looked at Light in shock. He turned his gaze to Light's hand then and stared at the strawberry held out to him and hesitantly reached out trembling fingers to snatch it from his captor. He raised it to his lips and bit into it, his eyes sliding closed in bliss as he enjoyed the fruit. "… It's very good," he admitted quietly.

"Have as many as you'd like," Light replied, taking a strawberry for himself and sitting down beside L on the couch. L flinched, discomforted by their proximity, but said nothing. "What all have you eaten today?" Light asked, propping his elbow against the back of the couch and turning sideways to watch L with his rusty red eyes.

L's mouth opened to answer and then closed again. Fear was still coursing through him, never mind that Light seemed perfectly harmless for the time being. L knew that he wasn't. Phantom pain washed through him and he cringed, curling in on himself once more.

His silence seemed to irritate Light. "Giving me the silent treatment will not be beneficial to you, Ryuzaki," the brunet warned with a growl in his voice. L looked up at him, his eyes growing wide. "You'd think you would have learned after last night," Light continued viciously. "Don't tell me you still need another lesson."

The boy moved forward in a predatory fashion and L's heart leapt into his throat. He needed to say something, anything to get Light away but the words wouldn't come out. Light leaned closer, lips brushing L's cheek.

"No!"

L broke, unable to bear such an intimate touch, and wildly scrambled backwards only to fall back over the arm of the couch, landing in a heap on the floor. He stared up at Light, unable to school the emotion out of his expression like he was so used to doing.

"Yagami-kun, please!" Watari spoke up, his old face wrinkled even more than usual as he watched the scene. "Haven't you done enough damage already? Leave him be!"

A triumphant smirk spread across Light's face and L ducked his face in shame. "Looks like you've learned your lesson after all, Ryuzaki," he whispered. L trembled before him as though blinded by his very being, like a shepherd at the feet of angels. "Are you afraid? Don't be." Light rose from the couch, towering over the terrified man on the floor. And then he stooped down, outstretching a hand palm up to L as though approaching a frightened dog. "Come here, L. You are safe with me, your lord."

L did not want to admit defeat but every nerve in his body was on fire with fear. To be abused by Light in such a manner had truly scarred him, despite his best attempts to fight against it. Light… Light was his friend, a good, if misguided, boy who really cared. Smart and charming and… and here he was, holding out his hand to L and offering safety.

Slowly, he reached up and took the offered hand. Light's hand gripped his firmly and the boy pulled him up swiftly into a tight, protective embrace. "Light…" L whispered, hands numbly gripping Light's shirt. His breath hitched as tears gathered in his eyes again. "Damn it, Light, what have you done…"

"Shh," Light soothed, rubbing L's back comfortingly. "It's all for the best. You are brilliant, Ryuzaki. So much smarter than anyone else I've ever met. When I acquired that potion, I could think of no better person. Think of it- a child that is yours and mine. What will that child be like?"

_An introverted psychopath, _L thought to himself viciously. He pushed against Light's shoulders, trying to pull away, but Light held him fast. "Let go of me, Light," he growled. "You say those things like I should be honored but who are you that you think I should bow at your feet and praise your name?"

"… I am your god," Light replied, gazing down at L with glinting eyes. "I am Kira."

"Kira is not God!" L snarled, jerking away from Light and managing to escape the boy's hold. A few tears trailed down his face but his expression was one of anger. "You are not divine, Yagami Light! You are just a childish young man who has always had everything he could ever want and now you think you should have the world as well! Well, you can't have the world, Light, and you can't have me!"

His words cut deep into Light and for a moment, a look of shock was visible on the boy's face. However, it was swiftly replaced with an ugly scowl. "I am God, L," he hissed, his anger radiating off of him in waves. "I can have whatever it is I wish! But is it so wrong to rid the world of evil?! I am making it a better place, you idiot!"

"By raping me?!" L demanded, his voice breaking over the second word. "You think that you are so holy, you can even justify sexual assault? You are deluding yourself and nothing more! So get out of here! I can't escape from you Light but if you want a child from me, the least you could do is leave me alone until then!"

Watari moved from the kitchen to where L stood, placing his hands on L's shoulders to support and comfort him. The old man fixed Light with an angry stare. "Yagami, I really think you should leave. It is detrimental to Ryuzaki's health to be forced into confrontation like this so soon."

It pissed Light off that the two of them would presume to tell him to do anything when he was clearly the one in charge of this situation. It seemed clear to him that L had not learned a thing from last night and that had to be remedied. L had to be taught that he could not reject Light like this.

"Watari-san, please go and sit at the table," the brunet commanded coldly, matching Watari's stare. When Watari made no move, Light narrowed his eyes dangerously. "The two of you will cooperate or I'll write a name in the notebook. Matsuda, perhaps." He smiled when he saw them both stiffen. "Do as I say and he will be fine."

Reluctantly, Watari removed his hands from L's shoulders. "Be strong, Ryuzaki," he urged gently before turning and going to the table as Light had ordered. L was left alone, trembling.

Light approached with a look of victory and lifted his hands to cup L's face. "Good boy," he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to L's lips. L shuddered at the contact. "Shh," Light urged. "I'm not going to hurt you. Now, get on your knees before me."

Confused, L complied and knelt down in front of Light. Only after he'd gone down on his knees did he realize what sort of position that placed him in. And it wasn't purely coincidental, if the slight bulge in Light's pants was anything to go by. "Light…"

"Hush," Light replied, unbuttoning his pants. He slid the zipper down and L could only stare in shock as the boy drew out his member. "Do you know what I want you to do?" the devil questioned softly and L flinched as he watched that flesh begin to harden in anticipation. The detective shook his head desperately. "Come now, Lawliet," Light cooed. "Your god wants you to serve him and it would be in your best interest to do so. Suck it."

"No," L whispered, looking up at Light with pleading eyes. "Light, I know this isn't you. This… you could never do this. Please…" _You're my friend, Light. Don't do this to me. _

Light reached out and grabbed a handful of L's hair in a harsh grip. "You know nothing about me, Ryuzaki, no matter how much you studied me or how many background checks you did, do you understand me? You are below me and you will do as I tell you, no exceptions!" He hauled L's head forward, pressing the detective's face against his crotch. "Do it. This is your punishment."

Left with no other choice, L very slowly opened his mouth, his eyes shut tight against what he was being forced to do. Light sighed in satisfaction, pressing himself past L's lips. _This can't be real, _L thought desperately to himself. _Of all the people in this world, I was the safest. No one was supposed to be able to hurt me. _

"Ryuzaki, you have to actually use your mouth," Light spoke coldly. L flinched and began to suck at the flesh clumsily, unsure of how he was supposed to actually do it. It didn't seem to matter to Light, though, since he groaned in pleasure and gripped L's hair even tighter. The boy began to rock his hips forward into L's mouth, small thrusts at first but they swiftly grew and Light didn't seem to notice at all when L began to choke, struggling for breath as his captor's erection was forced down his throat.

It didn't last very long, a few minutes at most, before Light reached his climax, spilling into L's mouth some nasty, bitter substance that L was forced to swallow, desperate for air as he was. Light, spent, drew away from L and sagged against the couch. L coughed and spluttered, staring in horror at the floor. Light watched him through half-lidded eyes, noticing finally the vibrant bruises on L's face from the previous night.

The boy finally righted his clothing and stood up. L trembled when Light took a step towards him and Light froze. "… You really are pathetic, Ryuzaki," the killer murmured. L said nothing. "… I'll be back tomorrow," Light muttered sourly as he headed for the door. He paused, noticing that a bag of garbage had been placed by the door to be taken out. He glanced over his shoulder at Watari, who had yet to lift his gaze from the table. Rolling his eyes, he grabbed the bag on his way out. No sense in leaving garbage lying about.

* * *

"Ryuzaki… come on now, let's get you cleaned up."

L roughly shook off Watari's hands, his expression hardening as he stared at the concrete floor. "Leave me alone," he snarled, voice cracking. His throat was sore, worse than he'd ever experienced. He'd never even gotten a cold strong enough to do so much damage. That horrible taste was still in his mouth and it disgusted him. He was beginning to feel nauseous.

Watari was persistent, taking hold of L's shoulders firmly. "Be reasonable," he replied. "You can't stay in the floor like this. Please, Ryuzaki, don't be childish about this."

Tears gathered in L's eyes again, burning hot liquid that seemed to sear his eyelids as he fought them back. There was no choice but to allow Watari to pull him to his feet and direct him over to the kitchen sink. "I'm not being childish," he objected quietly.

Watari took a wash rag and wetted it under the sink faucet. Gently, he dabbed at L's face, wiping away all traces of the deplorable event that had just taken place. L watched his with a dazed expression, his bruises standing out harshly against his pale skin. A lone tear escaped him and trailed silently down his cheek.

"Shh…" Watari gently wiped the tear away and held out his arms to draw L into an embrace. L allowed himself to be held like a child, hiding his face against Watari's chest. "Don't cry," the old man murmured. "I'm so sorry, Ryuzaki. I'm so sorry."

The tears overwhelmed L then and his body shook as he began to cry into Watari's shirt. Shamefully, he clung to his caretaker and fought to calm his crying but couldn't manage to control it. Wasn't he supposed to be stronger than this? Grown men were not supposed to cry like children and he reminded himself he was the former and not the latter.

But it wasn't fair! He'd only been doing his job as a detective, what he'd been trained and groomed for since Watari had found him. He hadn't meant to get close to anyone, he never had in the past, but he'd never shown his face before. Maybe the world had always been like this outside of his solitary bubble and he'd just never known before.

"He was my friend," he sobbed against Watari's chest. "I just wanted… I wanted a friend! He was different, he wasn't like everybody else, I thought… I thought, even if he was Kira, he would be… that one person…!"

"I know," the old man soothed, holding to his charge tightly. "I wanted that for you too, Ryuzaki. I'm so sorry." By now, tears had begun to spill down Watari's cheeks as well. He wanted to tell L that it was okay, he was safe now, it was over… But that was a lie. He couldn't bear to give L anymore false hope, not when it was likely that tomorrow Light would return and once again inflict some horror. All he could do was hold L until all those tears subsided and then would come the task of assuring L that it was not unreasonable or foolish of him to succumb to this. L would not understand that, as a human, he was subject to these illogical responses to his trauma. Up until now, L had never known this side of the world. He knew that such things happened to other people but had no way of knowing that it could happen to him as well.

* * *

There was a knock at the door but Misa pretended not to hear it the first time. She turned up her sitcom a little louder, knowing that it was Light at the door, knowing that she was ignoring her god, but not caring. He came to her out of necessity, she knew, every time it was simply that he wanted something or needed to keep her happy in case he wanted something in the future. It was never for her sake anymore, not like it had been that first time when he'd kissed her and agreed to pretend to be her boyfriend. That one time, she had seen the pity in his eyes. Now there was no pity, only a pretense of fondness that she could see right through.

"Misa! Are you in there?" she heard his voice call. With a sigh, she stood up and went to the door. When she opened it, he peered in at her with a questioning gaze. "Didn't you hear me knocking?" he asked. His tone was gentle but there was an undertone she easily caught which told her he knew she'd been ignoring him and he wasn't happy.

"Had the TV up too loud," she dismissed flippantly and she turned her back on him to go back to her couch and her TV show, which was infinitely more interesting than listening to the load of bullshit that was likely to come out of his mouth at any given moment.

She smirked victoriously when she spotted his flabbergasted expression out of the corner of her eye. He'd never had to experience this side of her before, she realized, and she found it funny. She'd behaved like this around everyone else she knew; it was a very prominent aspect of her personality, to simply brush someone off in favor of something else. Poor Light, how confused he must be feeling…

"Did you want something?" she demanded as she flopped back down on her couch. She regarded him with a bored expression. He stared back at her in shock.

"Uh… no," he replied after a moment, shaking his head. "Just… stopping by to check on you. I'll leave."

It was simple as that. He was walking back out the door and Misa wouldn't have to deal with him anymore! She watched him leave, feeling rather proud of herself. She'd finally stood up to him, finally shown him that two could play the game.

But then, the door was shut and he was gone and Misa was alone again. No Light, no Rem, no Ryuzaki, just Ryuk in the kitchen raiding her apple supply.

* * *

Sometime close to midnight, Yagami Soichiro was roused from sleep by the sound of his phone beeping on the bedside table. With a groan, he reached for it and flipped it open, wondering who on earth would be texting him at such an outrageous hour.

At first the text on the screen made no sense to him and he had to rub the sleep from his eyes and read over it again.

The second time, there was no mistaking what it said.

**Your son is Kira.**

TBC


	6. A Little Bird Told Me

**Gilded Cage**

By Bluegrass Elf a.k.a. Haiku

A Death Note Fiction

Rated: M

Pairing(s): One sided Misa/Light, Nonconsensual Light/L, future Light/L

Warnings: Rape, Violence, MPreg

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note in any way, shape, or form. I do, however, claim the plot line of this story as my own. I don't mind if you use some of the elements in it, of course, but it will really irritate me if you blatantly copy my work. You're better than that. Don't do it.

I also make no claim on the lyrics of Let Me Go by Three Doors Down.

**Author's Note: **Thanks for all the reviews last chapter, guys! That really made me happy. And I'm happy to know that some of you are enjoying Misa in this story, since I love to write Misa. But for those of you who don't like her so much, she's not in this chapter. There are some surprises in this chapter that I don't think you guys saw coming. Read and enjoy!

**A Little Bird Told Me**

_And no matter how hard I try  
I can't escape these things inside  
I know, I know  
But all the pieces fall apart  
You will be the only one who knows, who knows_

_You love me but you don't know who I am  
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand  
And you love me but you don't know who I am  
So let me go, just let me go_

_**Let Me Go, Three Doors Down**_

Yagami Soichiro sat in silence for a good ten minutes, staring at his phone in shock even after the backlight turned off and hid the message from view. He felt sick to his stomach and briefly considered making a dash for the bathroom but couldn't quite will himself to move.

"Mmm… Soichiro…" Sachiko rolled over sleepily and gave a curious look through half-open eyes. "…Something wrong?" she mumbled.

"Ah… no." Soichiro quickly snapped his phone shut. "Just the task force… we've got a lead on Kira. I'm afraid I need to go back to head quarters immediately." He rose from the bed and Sachiko watched silently as he dressed. "I'm sorry," he whispered to her, leaning down to lovingly kiss her forehead. "I promise, after we've solved this case I'm going to spend more time at home. I miss you."

She gave a thin, strained smile. "You have a job to do. Don't feel guilty about it. We're proud of you."

"…Thanks," he whispered, a shiver running down his spine. She had no idea that he'd just received a message saying that their son, their pride and joy, was the criminal he was trying to track down. He was amazing himself by even considering that it was genuine.

Out in the hallway, he flipped his phone open and examined the message. There below the text was the name he'd feared he would see. _Watari._ Outside of the task force and Amane Misa, no one knew about Watari. He trusted the members of the task force with his life, quite frankly, and though he didn't really trust Amane, he didn't think she'd try to cause trouble for Light. She seemed to genuinely love him. In fact, she was so love struck that it probably would have been easy for Light to convince her to work with him.

He made his way quietly to Light's bedroom door and cautiously opened it to peer inside. There was his boy, curled up asleep in his bed. Light looked so innocent like that. Soichiro's thumb hovered over the erase button on his phone for a moment but then he shook his head. Even if Light was innocent, it was Soichiro's job to investigate every lead. He softly shut Light's door.

* * *

"You're sure about this, chief?" Only moments before, Aizawa had been yawning and grumbling about being pulled out of bed. Matsuda and Mogi hadn't been much better. Now all three of them were wide awake and looking horrified. "You're sure the message is from Watari," Aizawa continued.

"I don't know who else it could be from," Soichiro replied with a tired sigh. "Aside from the people standing here right now, there are only three other people it could have been: Amane, my son, and L himself. I can't think of any reason why Amane would want to turn Light in and I definitely don't think it's from Light. If it's L, it's no less credible than it would be coming from Watari."

A silence descended over the small group of men. They all knew there was no way around the truth. L and Watari had been abducted, the only person any of them knew of that could have managed that was Light.

"Does this mean Watari and L are alive?" Matsuda spoke up hopefully.

Aizawa shook his head. "Both L's and Watari's cell phones were here when we searched the building. All I can think of is that Watari must have sent that message before they left here and it's only just now come through. It's not unheard of."

"Oh…" Matsuda's face fell. The situation was grim. "So… worst case scenario… Light's Kira and L and Watari are dead. Best case scenario, Light's still Kira and he's holding Watari and L somewhere. What do we do now?"

"We confront Light, I suppose," Soichiro sighed. "We're perfectly capable of holding him here and forcing him to tell us where he took them. In the mean time, keep tabs with Ide at the police station. Send out a missing person's report on Ryuzaki; say he's a suspect in a case or something. Maybe someone out there saw something."

* * *

Light was good at reading emotions. He knew when his parents were displeased with him. However, this particular morning he could not fathom why his father was treating him so coldly. Perhaps it was because he'd gotten in so late last night? "Sorry I was out so late last night," he murmured between mouthfuls of his breakfast. "Things have just been so stressful lately… I was worried about Ryuzaki and there's not a lot I can do to help find him. I went out driving to try and relax."

"It's okay dear, we're not upset with you," his mother insisted with a fond smile. "You're an adult now, if you want to take some time to yourself then that is your business. As long as you stay safe, it's okay by me."

Soichiro watched his son over the top of his coffee mug for a moment before he spoke. "… I'm sorry if I seem tense, son," he finally murmured. "We received a message from Watari last night saying that he and Ryuzaki were abducted by Kira."

He watched Light's face pale several shades. But then, Light could simply be worried. Kira was very dangerous and if Kira was the abductor, the chances that Watari and L were still alive were slim.

"Then they're not dead, not if Watari was able to send you a message!" Light's voice held so much desperate hope that Soichiro's conviction faltered. How could this child, his child be Kira? Light stared at him with wide, anxious eyes.

"… I'm afraid that the message must have been sent before they left head quarters," Soichiro spoke, setting his coffee cup aside. "It was a text message to my cell phone from Watari's phone, which we found at head quarters. The message must have been delayed. There's still a strong possibility that we won't find them alive."

Sayu shifted in her seat. "I hope you find them," she murmured softly. She looked at her brother. "Brother, you seem so worried… they must be very important to you. But I know you'll find your friends. You and Dad are the best at this sort of thing."

Neither of them was very good at lying straight faced to Sayu and maybe that was why both Soichiro and Light looked away from her. "Thanks, Sayu," Light murmured. He looked to his father. "I'll meet you at head quarters, alright? I need to go talk to Misa. She and I had a falling out and I need to make it up to her. Plus, she'll want to be updated about Ryuzaki."

"Of course," Soichiro agreed, nodding. "Just hurry, if you can. We need to locate Ryuzaki as quickly as possible."

* * *

Watari was preparing pancakes; chocolate chip pancakes, to be exact. L, however, was not happy with the sweet aroma that now filled the warehouse. He'd spent the last few hours clinging to the toilet as he vomited up the disgusting bodily fluid that had been forced down his throat the previous night. He couldn't remember a time when he'd been this miserable.

"Ryuzaki, come and eat something," Watari called as he sat a plate of pancakes on the table. "You'll make yourself ill, you know. Come on."

L looked up at his with a strained expression. "I'm sorry, Watari," he murmured. "I don't feel much like eating at the moment. Perhaps set some aside for me and I'll eat it when I feel up to it." He wearily pushed himself to his feet and flushed the toilet. His mouth tasted disgusting. He reached for his toothbrush and turned on the sink.

The door to the warehouse was suddenly slammed open and L gave a surprised yelp, dropping his toothbrush.

Light was standing in the doorway and L had never seen an expression like that on anyone's face. Higuchi's face had been twisted with madness and fear when they'd cornered him and L had thought to himself at that time that it was hideous. But Higuchi had been afraid and driven to madness. Light was neither of those things. He was _angry_.

"I told you!" Light seethed as he shut the door and locked it firmly. He turned blazing red eyes on Watari. "I told you that if you told anyone anything, I would kill you, old man! But you did it anyway and now, now you both have to be punished for that!"

"Yagami-kun, I have no idea what you're talking about," Watari began and he moved from the kitchen to place himself between Light and L. "Whatever has you so angry, please do not place any of the blame on Ryuzaki."

"You know what I'm angry about, Watari!" Light strode up to the old man and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. "You sent that message, you old fool! It's your fault and you will die for it. It's already done so there's no use trying to deny what you did." He pushed Watari aside and the man fell to the floor, gazing at Light with horror.

"Yagami, what do you mean by that?!" he demanded. "What are you talking about?!"

Light ignored him and moved towards L. The detective slowly sank to the floor, shaking his head desperately. "Light, please… see reason! Of course we left a message for the others, did you think we were stupid enough to blindly follow your orders?! We had to act in our best inter-!" He was cut off when Light struck him across the face roughly.

The brunet gripped a handful of L's hair and yanked the detective's head back. "You're just lucky I still need you around, L, or you'd be dead as well. So keep your mouth shut unless you want to make this worse for yourself."

"Please, don't kill Watari, Light," L begged, throwing his dignity aside to protect his guardian. "I need him here! Punish me if you have to but please don't kill him."

A terrible smile spread across Light's face. "I'm sorry, Lawliet. It's already done. Dear Watari only a few more minutes to live before he suffers from a massive heart attack."

"No, no, Light!" The panic was plain to see on L's face. Watari began to struggle to his feet. "Why are you doing this?" L begged.

"You disobeyed me!" Light snarled, pulling L up by his hair. He roughly dragged the detective to bed where he'd raped L. "You keep pushing my buttons, L, and it will not go unpunished!" He drew his fist back and slammed it into L's face. L gave a strangled cry of pain. "I am your god, L!"

He grabbed L's shirt and yanked it over his head. L cowered beneath him with wide, terrified eyes. A flash of gold caught Light's attention. The pendant was still hung around L's neck; it was doubtful that the detective had taken it off at all. Light reached his fingers out to touch the necklace. "That's right," he murmured. "I am your god, L, and you belong to me."

"I belong to no one, Yagami Light," L hissed, jerking away from the boy's touch.

Light laughed and grasped L's wrists with brutal force. "Oh, but you do! And you've always belonged to someone. You have never been free. Your whole life has been spent locked away from the world you are forced to protect! You've never had your own life, L."

"Yagami, that is enough!" Watari had managed to stagger to his feet, eyes spitting fire at Light. Light turned to him with a wicked smile, L still pinned firmly beneath him.

"What are you going to do, old man?" he demanded, eyes glinting with amusement. "Attack me? You won't live long enough to lay a hand on me. You should be dead any minute now."

Watari stiffened, hands trembling at his sides. "You wrote my name down in the notebook?" he questioned softly. "You're a demon, Yagami-kun."

"I am a god," Light spat angrily. His grip on L's wrists tightened and the detective hissed in pain. "I will create a perfect world, you old fool!"

"You are Lucifer!" Watari yelled back with all the fury he could muster. "You would set yourself up as a god, Yagami, as equal to the lord himself but you, just like Satan, will be cast down! Your own arrogance will be the death of you!"

Having religion thrown back in his face so skillfully caught Light off guard. He remained stunned for a moment but then his laughter began again. "Ah, old man! You're really a fool!" He turned his gaze back to L and leaned down to roughly kiss the detective. L gave a muffled noise of objection, squirming against Light's hold on him.

"Yagami, release-!" Whatever else Watari might have been about to say was cut off as the old man gasped in pain. He clutched his heart with one hand, falling to his knees.

L broke the kiss with a scream, thrashing wildly in Light's hold. "Watari! Watari, no, please! Don't die, don't let him kill you!" Light struck him across the face again but L's gaze was locked on the man that had been his guardian and protector for years. Watari had slumped over on his side and L could see his eyes beginning to close. "Watari!"

His captor's fingers were unbuttoning his jeans. L's mind was overwhelmed with the horror of what was happening and he couldn't look away from Watari. The jeans were being slid down, his boxers were being slid down, "No, please, Watari, don't die…" But then, Watari's body was limp and L couldn't breathe, it didn't seem real, it couldn't be real.

A rough hand grabbed his chin and jerked his face up to look at Light's. "Look at me, Lawliet, only at me," the boy growled. "He's gone; I'm all you have left."

L stared up at him and Light's eyes seemed to burn red. He wanted to look away but he was terrified of what Light would do if he disobeyed. "Please," he begged, shaking his head. "Please… please…" Tears began to roll down his face. "This isn't real, it's not happening, please let me wake up. I'm so sorry, please, I need Watari. I need him; he's the only one who cares, please…"

"I care," Light whispered gently into his ear. "I love you, Lawliet. I'll be here for you and within the next year you'll have the baby to keep you company. Now, if you'll just be good I won't have to hurt you anymore. It's going to be okay… Just cooperate with me."

"You don't love me!" L spat. Tears clouded his eyes now and he couldn't see Light very well, just a blurred figure hovering over him, but he swung a fist at him, hoping to catch the devil in the face. Light's hand caught his fist and forced his arm down against the bed. "Let go of me! I hate you, I hate you!"

He'd never lost it like this before. He'd never been this angry, never been unable to control his temper. This wasn't logical and how could it be? He couldn't even think because everything was a haze of emotions hitting him all at once, emotions that he had never felt before.

The killer's hands held him down, pushed his legs apart, and L could feel himself sobbing with grief and fear and panic. Was this what being a victim felt like? Was it really this scary?

Light entered him in one thrust. The pain was back and no better than it had been the first time. L all but wailed. He couldn't see Light's face at all anymore, fighting blindly against his captor. Light's hand wandered down to grip L's manhood firmly. "No! Light, no!" Of course Light didn't listen as he stroked L in time with his thrusts. There was no reasoning with Light, no talking him out of this, L was stuck.

He must have separated from himself for a while because he stopped feeling it all. All he knew was that he could barely breathe and a deafening roar in his ears blocked out any sound. But there was no pain, no unwilling pleasure. He was hardly even there.

When he came back to himself, Light wasn't even there anymore. L had been left broken and naked on the bed, dirty with blood and other bodily fluids. But he didn't dare move from that position. He didn't dare look to see if Watari's body was still crumpled on the floor.

* * *

"Chief! Ide just gave these to me at the station!" Aizawa made his way from the building's entrance over to where Soichiro and Matsuda were seated in the main room. He placed a plastic bag on the table in front of them. "A garbage man turned them in. Said he found them near a warehouse, which he gave us the address for."

Soichiro stared, shocked, at what had been placed before him; baggy jeans, a white cotton shirt, and a pair of blue boxer shorts. "They're… they're definitely Ryuzaki's," he murmured, because how could he mistake the clothes that L had worn every single day? No, they were Ryuzaki's.

"There's… blood on the jeans and the shorts," Aizawa murmured, shifting uneasily, "but nowhere else. I could take them to the lab and have them tested but I… it looks like rape to me, chief." He felt uncomfortable saying that but it had to be said. At Soichiro's horrified look, he hastily added, "Look, we don't know that it… was Light that… you know… Like I said, I could have the clothes tested."

Instead of agreeing to that, Soichiro just sighed. "You said you had the address for where these clothes were found? Well, that's a good start. We'll go and see what we can find. You said there's no other blood on the clothes? That means Ryuzaki could still be alive." He stood up and grabbed his car keys.

"Ch-Chief, we're going now?" Matsuda stuttered as he too leapt to his feet to follow after Soichiro. He and Aizawa had to hurry to keep up with the older man's pace.

"Yes, we're going now," was all Soichiro said in response.

* * *

Light didn't go very far; just to his car, actually. He'd let his temper get the better of him and now that his mind was clear again, he was thoroughly astounded at how he had reacted. He'd actually killed Watari. He had fully intended to keep the old man around at least until after L gave birth. Then again, Watari was really too risky to keep around anyway. The chances of he and L putting their brains together and finding a way to escape were way too high.

But now he needed to figure out what to do with the body. He could always burn it, he supposed. He couldn't throw it out because someone was likely to find it and trace it back to him. For now, though, he was going to leave L trapped in there with it. He wondered if L would dare oppose him now.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the sound of another car pulling up. He glanced out the window and saw the police car stop. He immediately recognized the three people that got out of that police car and he silently cursed his luck. How the hell had they found him here? Had they followed him? And if so, why would they do such a thing?

Soichiro approached with a dismayed expression on his face. "Light! I can't believe it!" Behind him, Aizawa drew his gun. "Please tell me you have an excuse for being here?"

Why were they here?! Light could have screamed with frustration. But he didn't. Instead, he got out of his car, giving his father a perplexed look. "Dad? I was just out for a drive and you can see the river from here, so I stopped to look at it. I've just been sitting in my car this whole time."

"Chief! There's a notebook in the car!" Aizawa exclaimed, staring past Light to the Death Note lying in the passenger side seat. "Watari was right, it is him!"

Damn it! How could he have left the Death Note out in plain view? How was he supposed to explain this? "Okay, hold on you guys, are you really accusing _me_ of being Kira?" he objected, seemingly amazed by the assumption. "I found it! I was on my way to the police station with it, and you accuse me of being a killer!"

"Cut the crap, Light! You can't expect us to believe a story like that," growled Aizawa. And Light couldn't blame him because it was a terrible lie but what else was he supposed to say? They'd caught him with the Death Note in his car! There was no way out of this. Except for one thing…

He looked around at all three of them thoughtfully… and then he made a dive for the notebook and the pen beside is. Aizawa let fire a shot. Light froze, hand inches from the book. "Get out of the car, Light, or I will shoot you!" the cop warned.

"Light, please, make this easy on all of us," Soichiro begged, his face pale and his expression strained. "You know we don't want to hurt you. Your best choice is to come peacefully with us to head quarters."

Aizawa's hand tightened on the trigger of his gun when Light made no move to come out. "Get out and put your hands on your head!"

Left with no other choice, Light slowly backed out of the car and placed his hands on the back of his head. He regarded Aizawa with a cold expression as the man came towards him. Aizawa only glared back as he slid his gun back into its holster and pulled out his handcuffs. He roughly wrenched Light's arms behind his back as he cuffed him. "What do you think you're going to do to me, then?" Light sneered at them, eyes glinting. "Will you have me executed?"

"That is yet to be decided, Light," Soichiro murmured, still in shock. He gazed at his son with pity and it pissed Light off. He did not need the old man's pity. It was the other way around.

Aizawa apparently did not feel like being kind to Light because he growled under his breath angrily. "Where the hell is Ryuzaki, Light?" he demanded roughly. "Did you kill him? We found his clothes. What the hell did you do to him?"

His words caught Light off guard and were enough to make him shrink back from the man slightly. Still, he matched Aizawa's fierce expression with one of his own. He was silent for a moment, as though considering whether or not he should answer. Finally, he spoke. "He's in that warehouse." He gestured over his shoulder to it. "He's still alive. The keys are on the key ring for my car keys."

All three men let out a sigh of relief. Aizawa reached inside Light's car and pulled the keys out of the ignition. "Matsuda, watch Light. Keep a gun on him, don't let him go anywhere. We clear?"

Shaking, Matsuda nodded and drew out his own gun, aiming it at Light. "I… I don't want to shoot you, Light-kun," he said softly and Light could see the torment in his eyes. "Please just cooperate."

With one last look over his shoulder at his son, Soichiro followed Aizawa towards the warehouse. He felt sick to his stomach. How was this even possible? How could Light have done this? How could he be Kira?

Aizawa unlocked the door and pushed it open. They were both greeted with a sight that stunned them both, freezing them to the spot. A lavish home had been set up inside the warehouse, complete with electrical appliances and, if the shower, toilet, and sink were anything to go by, running water. "How did he do this?" Aizawa whispered softly. Soichiro just shook his head in response. All he could think was that Light might have been using his college fund money. He and Sachiko had saved the money up for Light his whole life but Light was so brilliant that he had gotten scholarships for everything.

"Oh God." Aizawa suddenly ran forward, stopping near a crumpled form that Soichiro hadn't noticed. It was Watari. Soichiro felt like he was going to through up as he watched Aizawa kneel down and check for a pulse. The other man looked up after a moment and shook his head. "He's gone, Chief."

Soichiro took in a deep, shuddering breath. So they'd failed Watari. But that still left L unaccounted for. He looked around, eyes scanning the building for any sign of the young detective. On one of the beds he could see rumpled sheets and clothes lying on the floor. His heart sank. And then he spotted pale skin. He slowly made his way across the room to the bed.

It was a horrible sight to behold. L was curled up on the bed, completely naked. Multicolored bruises stood out harshly against his white skin. Soichiro gripped the bed post and leaned heavily against it. There was blood on L's legs. There was blood on the sheets. Had Light really done this? How could Light, his beautiful intelligent boy, do this?

"Chief… is he…?" Aizawa's voice snapped Soichiro out of his daze. He took a deep breath and moved forward, lifting L's hand gently to check his pulse. There it was, still strong, and Soichiro felt relieved. But then he felt sick again. What were they going to do now?

He jumped in surprise when L suddenly gave a quiet moan. The detective's dark eyes slowly opened, glassy and unfocused. He whispered something that Soichiro didn't catch. The chief leaned down to better hear him. "Watari…" he heard the boy mumble. "It hurts…"

Neither Soichiro nor Aizawa knew what to do. Watari probably would have known but Watari was gone. His body was lying just a few feet away. Their superior, who happened to only be in his mid-twenties, was a bloody mess and neither of them knew how to fix the situation.

"I'll call an ambulance," Aizawa whispered, pulling out his cell phone. Soichiro nodded and stood, thinking to go and get the blanket from the other bed to cover L with. A sudden grip on his hand stopped him.

L was still very much out of it; Soichiro could tell by the way his gaze still wasn't quite focusing on anything. But he was holding to Soichiro's hand for dear life. "Don't go," he mumbled pleadingly. "He'll come back. Watari… please…"

It was very unmanly to cry in public but Soichiro felt his eyes stinging. Gently, he took L's hand from his wrist and held it in a secure grip. He knelt down beside the detective again and brushed a strand of hair out of his face with his free hand. "Alright, I'll stay here," he murmured, locking gazes with the boy. "It's okay, Ryuzaki, there's an ambulance on its way."

"Can't… ambulance… people will know…" L's eyes drifted closed again but Soichiro didn't try to keep him awake. The less he had to be awake for all of this, the better.

Aizawa flipped his phone shut. "They're on their way," he said softly. "How is he doing?"

"… He's still alive," Soichiro replied. Because really, what else was he supposed to say? L wasn't okay. An okay L would be alert and taking control of the situation. A groggy, disoriented, frightened L was not an okay L. "Will you get that blanket over there and cover him with it?"

The other man hurried to comply. "You think Light… did this?" he asked hesitantly as he laid the blanket over L. Soichiro just groaned and clenched his eyes shut as though he was trying to block out this entire situation. "Sorry," Aizawa mumbled. "I just can't believe he'd do this."

"Well, he did," Soichiro said gruffly. "And we have to deal with the aftermath now so we might as well not waste time wondering why or how. Ryuzaki needs help, that's what I know. And I intend to do what I can about what I know right now."

After that, they both sat in silence while they waited on the ambulance, guarding over the young man as he slept. And when the ambulance got there, Soichiro helped the paramedics lift L onto the stretcher and he gently soothed L when the detective woke to being lifted into the ambulance. But then he released L's hand and sent Aizawa with him to the hospital.

As the ambulance sped off, Soichiro turned his gaze on his son. He clenched his jaw in his anger but he didn't blow up like he wanted to. He simply pointed to the squad car and said, "Get in." His tone left no room for argument. Light stared at him for barely a moment before he complied. Matsuda let out a sigh of relief and holstered his gun.

But even as Soichiro got in the driver's seat and turned the key in the ignition, he had no idea what he was going to do about this.

TBC


	7. Broken Wings

**Gilded Cage**

By Bluegrass Elf a.k.a. Haiku

A Death Note Fiction

Rated: M

Pairing(s): One sided Misa/Light, Nonconsensual Light/L, future Light/L

Warnings: Rape, Violence, MPreg

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note in any way, shape, or form. I do, however, claim the plot line of this story as my own. I don't mind if you use some of the elements in it, of course, but it will really irritate me if you blatantly copy my work. You're better than that. Don't do it.

I also make no claim on the lyrics of Top of the World by Patty Griffin.

**Author's Note: **Here you go, guys. Sorry this one took me so long, school's been making things a little tough on me. Darn my English professor and his ungodly amounts of homework!

Several of you have asked about the baby - There will be a baby, I promise. It's coming. And some people have also been curious about L's anatomy so I fear I've failed to properly describe it. L is currently a hermaphrodite, or "intersex," meaning that he has both male and female genitalia. Hope that makes things a little clearer for you guys, lol. Sorry for the confusion. Love you! Enjoy your chapter.

**Broken Wings**

_I think I broke the wings  
Off a little songbird  
And she's never gonna fly  
To the top of the world  
Now  
To the top of the world_

_**-Top of the World, Patty Griffin**_

The world was not solid to L. It was a multicolored mass of blurred images and muffled voices. He knew that he needed to somehow wake himself up because this was an unusual situation. He was not in control. He was used to being in control all of the time and it was extremely disconcerting to be so disoriented and helpless. His hand felt cold from the warm hand that had released it. Strange… he'd seen Watari's body, crumbled and lifeless on the floor. But he could have sworn that his guardian was with him before, holding his hand in a safe, secure grip.

A face was staring down at him but it was fuzzy and he couldn't make out any details. Brown hair… he could see that much. But that didn't narrow anything down. He was in Japan; nearly all of the people he currently knew here had dark hair, aside from Amane-san.

"Ryuzaki? Are you awake?" He recognized the voice. It was Aizawa. He groaned softly in response and shook his head. Aizawa seemed to be amused by the action because he gave a short, nervous chuckle. "Hey, just hang in there. We're on our way to the hospital."

No, no, the hospital was a very bad idea. Was Aizawa an idiot? What did he think he was doing? "Can't…" he mumbled drowsily, "don't have… identification…"

"Don't worry about that, just hang on," Aizawa replied stubbornly. "Don't be an idiot, Ryuzaki, in your state you're probably going to have to stay in the hospital for a while." He winced after the words were out of my mouth. "That is… Sorry, I'll shut up now."

L managed to laugh softly at the man's attempt at being tactful (and subsequent failure). "Always did like you," he remarked, his voice scratchy and rough from a combination of screaming at the top of his lungs and puking all morning long. He cracked a smile but winced when he stretched the bruises on his face.

Aizawa's first reaction was to go slightly red, of course. He really hated it when L said things like that. He sucked at expressing himself or his emotions, it just made him uncomfortable to try. But L was so socially awkward that he was comfortable with saying whatever he thought about a person. L had no social restraints.

"Damn, how many times did he hit you?" the cop remarked, taking a closer look at L's face. Those bruises certainly looked painful. It made anger swell up in him again. What the hell had Light been thinking?! "He won't get away with this, Ryuzaki."

A pained expression came across L's face. "I am sure that he won't," the detective replied softly. "If it's all the same to you, I would prefer not to talk about Light right now."

The paramedic standing on the other side of L's gurney gave Aizawa a reproachful look. "Let him rest for a while," the man murmured, though Aizawa knew he was basically being told to shut up. The paramedic turned his attention to L. "Are you in too much pain? We'll be at the hospital shortly so we're trying to wait until then to give you any medication."

L just nodded and tried to retain a pleasant expression. Aizawa was relieved, honestly. He'd been expecting, well… a rape victim; crying, fear, all the symptoms typical of the victims of sexual assault. L didn't seem to be showing any of those symptoms. It made Aizawa think that maybe the damage was not so severe. This was L, after all. The detective would probably heal from this and go right back to the way he was before.

The ambulance came to a halt and the paramedic hurried to open the doors. The other two medics hurried from the front to help lift L's gurney out of the back of the ambulance. Aizawa jogged along beside the gurney as they hurriedly pushed it inside the hospital.

Doctors and nurses hurried to the scene, directing the medics to an empty room. "What do we have?" one young doctor questioned, holding a clipboard with a pen in his hand, poised to jot down the information.

"Rape and physical abuse," one of the medics replied. L stared up at the ceiling, his hands clenching into fists. "The police sent an officer with us; he probably knows the situation better."

L coughed to get their attention. "You know, I'm not unconscious," he stated sourly. "I can answer any questions that you have. I was raped twice. Other than that, I was whipped severely with a belt and slapped around a bit. I don't have any serious injuries."

His tone was too cold and it made Aizawa frown. It was… strange… to hear L speak of it so impassively like that. "He knows what he's talking about," he said anyway, since L had pretty much covered everything.

The doctor nodded and scribbled something on his clipboard. "Well, let's clear some people out. I need two nurses in here. The rest of you can leave." He looked to Aizawa. "We'll give you a full report after the examination. It would be best for the patient if you left as well."

"Aizawa stays," L spoke up, surprising all those present. He looked to Aizawa, dark eyes demanding compliance. "Unless he has more important matters to attend to, I would appreciate it if he remained here."

Shocked, Aizawa nodded his head numbly. "I'll stay, Ryuzaki, if it's allowed," he agreed though he wasn't sure why L wanted him to. Regardless, L was still his superior and this wasn't the first time he'd insisted on something that didn't make any sense.

"You know him?" the doctor questioned. "Are you related?"

"He is an acquaintance of mine," the detective said sharply. "I want him to stay." Once again, he focused his gaze on the ceiling and refused to look at any of them. Aizawa recognized the behavior as L's typical stubborn insistence on having his own way.

The doctor sighed but acquiesced and sent away all the extra hands. Of the two nurses that remained, one had brought out a tray, on which lay the materials needs for placing an IV. "I'm just going to put in the IV," she explained. "Will that be alright?"

L's body tensed. "… I don't like needles," he said after a moment. A silence fell over the room. None of them had expected him to say something like that after seeming so level headed earlier.

The nurse hesitantly lifted a cotton swab anyway. "It will just sting a bit," she promised, gently grasping his wrist and pulling it to expose the vulnerable crook of L's arm.

"I said I don't like them!" L jerked his arm away. His dark eyes focused on her, wide and angry. He took a deep breath, seemingly trying to calm himself. "There's no need, I'm not injured."

"Ryuzaki, be reasonable, they have to put in the IV," Aizawa spoke up, truly surprised that L was objecting to it. He had seemed to calm and collected! "This is not the time to act like a little kid! You're a grown man and you, of all people, should know better."

L turned to Aizawa with a seething expression and it shocked the man to his core. He'd never seen L so expressive. "I don't want it!" he snapped. "I don't like needles!"

"Well, that's too bad!" Aizawa retorted sternly. "You have to let them place the IV!"

The detective's face turned red with anger. "Don't tell me what to do, Aizawa! You have no control over me!"

Aizawa resisted the urge to smack his forehead. "You're being ridiculous!" He gestured to the doctor and nurses. "Look, he needs the IV; you should just go ahead and place it. He gets like this sometimes."

The look on L's face changed again. This time disbelief and hurt shone in his eyes. His eyes hardened again quickly. "Shut up, Aizawa," he hissed dangerously. "You have no right! You… you're not Watari!"

The words made something click in Aizawa's mind. Watari… did L realize that he was dead? Had L seen the old man die? It was quite possible- likely, as a matter of fact. "Sir, maybe it's best if you stepped outside and let us handle this," the doctor suggested and Aizawa hesitantly stepped back towards the door, still surprised.

The doctor and the second nurse moved to assist the first nurse. L was shaking by now. What the hell did they think they were doing? He'd said no, damn it! Why weren't they listening to him? Why weren't they doing as he said?

"_You've always belonged to someone. You've never been free."_

The nurse took hold of his arm and L yanked it back again. "Get away from me! I don't have to let you do this, so stop!" He nearly shrieked in his frustration when the doctor and second nurse gripped both of his arms firmly to hold him down. "Let go!" He thrashed in their holds, fighting to free himself.

"Kami-sama, he's strong as a bear," the doctor spoke and L looked to him, prepared to tell the man just where to shove it. The man stared back at him with rusty brown eyes, his light brown hair in disarray from all the drama. "Stay still, alright? If you don't relax, this is going to hurt a lot more."

Suddenly he wasn't in a hospital anymore. He wasn't staring into the face of a doctor with good intentions. He was back in that warehouse, pressed down on a mattress, and Kira knelt over him with a hideous grin. It felt hard to breathe, impossible to move, no, not again! Not again, not again, please!

The doctor drew back with a puzzled expression. "He's hyperventilating," he said to the nurses. Aizawa hovered in the doorway, unwilling to leave before he knew what was wrong. "Come on kid, calm down. You're alright. We're not going to hurt you."

"No… Not again." L shook his head desperately. His chest heaved as he gasped for air. "Don't do it again, no, don't." The doctor started to move towards him again and L's eyes grew impossibly wide. "No! Stay away from me! I won't let you do it again, do you hear me! Stay away from me!"

"Listen to me, Ryuzaki-kun, you're in a hospital," the doctor tried to reason. "You're imagining things right now. No one here is going to hurt you." He took hold of L's arm again and L instantly became feral, writhing and kicking at them. "We're going to need a sedative," the doctor spoke to the nurses. "Make it quick."

Aizawa couldn't remain silent any longer. "Hey, wait!" he objected, hurrying over to L's side again. "He's just scared!" He gently pushed one of the nurses aside. "Ryuzaki! Listen to me, it's Aizawa! Remember? You're safe, it's okay. I'm sorry I pushed you earlier, just calm down. It's okay."

A new figure entered L's nightmare, someone who shouldn't have been there at all. He turned his eyes away from the horrifying specter of Light and locked onto the newcomer's face. "Aizawa…"

"Hey, that's right." Aizawa forced a weak smile though he was certain his heart was about to fail. This was reminding him of when his daughter had nightmares and he had to get up in the middle of the night to comfort her and pull her out of the frightening dream. The difference was, his daughter was a small child and L was an adult. It was easier to understand this coming from a little girl. "Do you know where we are?"

L's head began to clear. Light's face melted back into the doctor's. The warehouse returned to the pale white walls of the hospital room. "Hospital," he croaked. He could breathe freely now. He took a deep breath. "I was… I thought…"

"You're safe," Aizawa assured him. The man breathed a sigh of relief. "You really scared me for a minute there, Ryuzaki. Are you okay now?"

The young man nodded his head numbly. "Yes… I had not realized that… I had been affected so severely… I am sorry for behaving so illogically, Aizawa. I will try to avoid doing so again."

Aizawa nodded. "It's alright. Just stay calm. Do you think you can let them place the IV now?"

"…Yes." L swallowed hard, his cheeks red with embarrassment. Rather than make any more of a scene, he turned his arm over and offered it to the nurse. He kept his eyes on Aizawa, however, as though he was trying to ignore the nurse as she swabbed his skin. He flinched at the needle entered his skin but said nothing.

"See, not so bad," the nurse said with a sad smile as she taped the IV port in place. "This way we can take any blood tests we need without having to stick you constantly. Do you think you can handle the full examination right now or do you want to wait?"

Waiting seemed like a bad idea to L. It would only mean that he would have time to dwell on it. He didn't want to go through an entire rape kit so soon but logically it was the best thing to do. And the sooner he had the exam, the sooner he could bathe. "I can do it now," he stated softly. He looked at Aizawa imploringly. "I apologize for my earlier words. You were only trying to make me see reason. You will stay?"

"Of course," Aizawa murmured, nodding his head. "Just try to relax."

--

Light stared at his shoes for most of the drive. For a long time, no one said anything at all. Light wondered what they planned to do to him. If it had been L calling the shots, he would have feared for his life. However, this was his father. He doubted that the man was capable of sentencing his own son to death. At the same time, there was no chance that his father would simply release him.

"Misa is the second Kira," Soichiro said finally. He regarded Light's reflection in the review mirror with cold eyes.

The boy merely shrugged his shoulders at the question. "You have no evidence against Misa," he replied because it was true. "You can't convict her of anything."

"How could you do this, Light? How could you… How could rape Ryuzaki?!" The older man suddenly pulled the over and slammed on the break. "What you have done, Light, I never would have thought you capable of. You murdered so many people! And even that a part of me could have understood because you had good intentions! I would not have let you get away with it but maybe I would not have felt so disgusted to know that you are my own flesh and blood. But to know that you killed Watari and you did such a deplorable thing to Ryuzaki, it makes my skin crawl!"

"I did it for his own good," Light growled softly, still not looking up from his shoes. "And I do not need to justify myself to you, Father."

"For his own good?!" Soichiro's knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel. "You have destroyed his life. You killed Watari and you hurt him, Light, you hurt him worse than anyone on this earth should be hurt. What do you think he will do now?"

Light steeled himself against his father's words. If the task force had kept out of it, L would still be safely tucked away in that warehouse and Light would have taken the utmost care of him. Eventually, L would have been grateful for Light's actions, surely. "I have nothing to say to you," he said.

"If you are my son and you have an ounce of pity in you, you will be ashamed of what you have done," his father spoke, his voice shaking with anger. "You will be ashamed of all the fear and pain you have caused."

"Ashamed?" Light raised his head finally and looked into the rearview mirror with piercing red eyes. "I am ashamed of nothing that I have done, Yagami Soichiro."

--

L felt vulnerable, arranged as he was on the bed with his body covered only by a sheet. Soon enough the doctor was going to start asking questions because soon enough he was going to figure out L's secret. L wondered if he could pretend as though he was merely a predominantly male hermaphrodite. Those were not unusual. What would be cause for further investigation would be if it was discovered that he currently had both male and female reproductive organs that both actually worked.

"You have the right to decline but we would like to test for HIV," the doctor explained, as was his job. He opened his mouth to explain the procedure but L cut him off.

"There's no need, my rapist was not infected," the detective explained calmly. "Furthermore, I already know how testing for HIV is carried out and if I thought there was any chance that I had contracted it, I would agree to it."

The doctor nodded his understanding. "Well, you have every night to turn it down," he said. "Now, we'll need to document all of your injuries by photographing them. This examination will probably feel like it is taking a long time but we need to collect all the evidence that we can if you should choose to press charges against the man that did this to you."

"Of course," L murmured. He closed his eyes as his upper body was examined, trying to ignore the sound of the camera clicking as the doctor took pictures of his bruises and cuts.

The sheet was drawn up to his chin to offer him some privacy. He steeled himself for what was coming next. "We'll need to give you a pelvic exam now," the doctor said, moving down to the end of the bed. "I need you to bend your knees and spread your legs."

Slowly L obeyed, lifting and spreading his legs. The doctor lifted the sheet and knelt between them. L felt the man's gloved fingers gently probing him and he held his breath, waiting for what he knew the man would ask.

After a moment of silence, the doctor did ask. "Ryuzaki-kun, are you predominantly male or female?" he asked gently. "And were you also sodomized or were you only raped vaginally?"

L winced and didn't dare look over at Aizawa when he heard that man gasp. He could imagine the dumbfounded expression on Aizawa's face well enough without actually seeing it. "…Male," he whispered reluctantly. "And no, I was only…" He paused, finding that he didn't actually want to say the words. He felt disgusted just thinking about it.

"Ryuzaki, what… are you saying…?" Aizawa spoke, sounding perplexed. "I always thought you were a man!"

The statement was almost laughter worthy. L wanted to reply that this was because he had been, throughout the time Aizawa had known him, a man. Instead, he said, "I never told you my gender, Aizawa, and it is not my fault if you made assumptions. Nor is it any of your business, to be quite honest."

That seemed enough to shut Aizawa up because he fell silent. The doctor sighed and returned to the exam. "This will probably feel uncomfortable," he warned L.

For the second time, L separated from his body. Staring up at the ceiling, he simply let himself block off everything around him until it felt as though he was floating above that hospital bed. He didn't feel any pain or discomfort- he wasn't humiliated or defiled. He didn't think about what had happened. It didn't exist for the moment. Right now, the whole world didn't exist.

--

When he came back to himself, L first realized that he'd been dressed in a hospital gown. Then he realized that he felt much cleaner, as though someone had washed away all the blood and sweat on his body. The hospital bed beneath him was soft and reasonably comfortable. The room was quiet.

Slowly, he opened his eyes to look around the room. It was different than the one he'd first been taken to. They must have moved him while he was asleep. When had he fallen asleep, again? He couldn't really remember and it bothered him.

The soft sound of voices a short distance away reached his ears. The speakers were talking quietly, probably to avoid waking him. He strained to hear what they were saying.

"It's called dissociation." Ah, L recognized that voice. That was the doctor from before. "He's distancing himself from what he's feeling, what hurts… he probably isn't even aware that he's doing it. It's not unusual, especially with victims who have experienced as much trauma as he has."

"But he won't always do this?" That was Yagami-san's voice. "With time, it will go away?"

"It does with most cases, when they heal sufficiently and start to feel comfortable again. Of course, there's always the risk that it will happen again if something triggers it. If he's placed in a situation where he feels as though he is danger, it's likely to happen again, even years down the road. It's manageable but I would recommend keeping him at home for a while until he feels comfortable enough on his own that it's less of a risk. If he's currently in school, you might have him consider taking a break. Of course, he could function perfectly fine, but I would recommend, personally, making sure of that before leaving him on his own."

Tired of listening to other people talk about him, L shifted and pushed himself into a sitting position. He could see the doctor and Yagami-san standing in the doorway of his room. They didn't seem to have noticed that he was awake.

"He's very headstrong," Yagami said, looking troubled. "I… I would not want to set him back any by making him feel like I'm taking control of his life. I'm worried for his safety, of course, but he is an adult and I would not want to take that away from him."

L frowned and raised his thumb to his mouth to chew it thoughtfully.

The doctor sighed. "He's your son, Yagami-san. Ultimately, it is entirely up to you. We can set up a psychiatric evaluation for him and if the psychiatrist feels that he is a danger to himself, I would say that would be enough incentive to keep him home, at least for a month or so."

That was almost enough to make L laugh. Faking his way through a psychiatric evaluation would be entirely too easy for him. In fact, he'd done it before. He could be as persuasive as Light when he wanted to be.

"No, that isn't necessary," spoke Yagami. Apparently he realized what a fruitless venture that would be. L silently applauded him for his good sense. "When can I take him home?"

"He should be fine to go when he wakes up," the doctor replied. "But we really need his medical records as soon as possible. I understand that his IDs were lost when he was abducted- as far as safety goes, we didn't have to give him any medication that was high risk, so we don't need to worry about allergies. But I'm afraid we can't provide anything more without his records."

"I understand," the older man murmured. "We're working on retrieving his information. I'm afraid we've long since lost his birth certificate and I never committed his social security number to memory."

"It's alright for now." L blinked when the doctor looked his direction, quietly pleased to see the surprise on the man's face. He regarded the man coolly from his bed. "Ah, I'll leave you alone…" the young doctor murmured, nodding to them both before ducking out of the room.

Yagami regarded L from the doorway for a moment before approaching his bedside. "How are you feeling, Ryuzaki?" he questioned softly. He pulled up a chair and sat down, watching L with a gentle but strained expression.

L carefully considered his words. There were several things he wanted to ask, not the least of which was Light's whereabouts. He really didn't feel like explaining his current emotions to the man, either. "You told them that I'm your son?" he asked finally.

A tiny smile graced Yagami's face. "I'm sorry if it was presumptuous of me, Ryuzaki. It made the most sense. We're currently trying to alter one of your IDs to fit. We found yours and Watari's fake social security numbers and files back at the head quarters."

"You found some of our fake social security numbers and files," L corrected with a small smirk. "You should be able to alter everything with Watari's main computer. We often change them out of necessity when we work cases."

That earned him a surprised look from Yagami but the man nodded. "Ah, yes, I understand," he agreed softly. He fell silent for a moment and L waited patiently for him to say something. He could tell by the way Yagami was holding himself that there was something he wanted to bring up. "… Ryuzaki, about Light," the man murmured. "I don't want to bring this up right now but it is something we have to deal with as quickly as possible. I understand that the logical choice would be to arrange… his execution. But he's my son… I'm sorry to even ask you this but as his father, I have to try and protect him. Is there somewhere you know of that he could be sent to perhaps? Where he would be kept away from the rest of the world…?"

L was surprised. He hadn't expected Yagami to ask him about Light so soon, though it did make sense now that he considered it. He bit down on his thumb again and pondered the question for a moment. "I will be honest with you, Yagami-san, I have no desire to address the current situation with Light. However, I do understand that it is important to sort it out as soon as possible. In answer to your question, I do not personally know of an institution that would accept Light but I do know of someone who could help. There is a man who is currently the head master of an orphanage in Winchester, England. His number is programmed into Watari's cell phone, which I'm sure you have in your possession. It's listed as "Clarence Nightingale." Explain the situation to him in full and he will make sure that it all gets sorted out."

"I appreciate that, Ryuzaki," Soichiro murmured, nodding his head. "It's very big of you."

"It's my job," L replied with a sigh. His eyes scanned the walls of the room simply for want of something other than Yagami to focus on. "I am, after all, a detective. Though Watari usually deals with this sort of thing, I will need to take his place from here on out."

If it was possible, Soichiro's expression softened even more at the mention of Watari. "Ryuzaki, I want you to know how sorry I am. If I hadn't been so determined that you were wrong about Light…"

"Oh, don't be absurd!" L exclaimed, rolling his eyes. "He is your son! And an excellent actor. I couldn't even prove his guilt myself and I had ample opportunity to do so. No doubt, if he hadn't felt the need to exert his dominance, I'd be dead by now." He wasn't sure he was really grateful that he'd survived, though. "He was chained to me for months and I never found concrete evidence against him, Yagami-san. Don't try to place the blame on yourself. Perhaps this was all a good thing. Who knows how long he could have gone on killing people if you hadn't caught him."

Admittedly, L didn't like thinking of Watari's death as a necessary sacrifice. What worried him was that he was sure that, not too long ago, he would have been able to. This whole experience had damaged his reasoning abilities. He needed to make repairs swiftly. He needed to get back to his work. Now that Kira had been caught, there were other cases that he'd put off in favor of this case that he needed to attend to.

Soichiro still looked grieved. "I feel I must tell you, Ryuzaki, that you aren't the best at comforting people."

"Fair enough," L replied, laughing dryly. "I haven't had a lot of practice in that area. As a detective, I have been taught to disregard emotions, for the most part, and pay attention to details and facts. Comforting someone often seems illogical to me. It entails stretching the truth or lying or making predictions without fact to back them up."

"I understand," the older man replied. "I suppose, then, Ryuzaki, that you would find it "illogical" if I were to try and comfort you right now?"

The detective froze in place, his dark eyes locked on Soichiro, seemingly surprised that Soichiro would offer him comfort. "I would find it illogical, yes," he replied matter-of-factly. He bowed his head and averted his eyes in a manner most unusual for him. "But if Yagami-san would not mind…"

Now it was Soichiro's turn to let his eyes widen in surprise. Was Ryuzaki really saying that he wanted Soichiro to comfort him, tell him everything was going to be okay? "Ryuzaki…" He placed a calloused, age worn hand on L's shoulder; then changed his mind and simply drew the young man into a tight, protective embrace. "It's going to be alright. You're safe now. Everything is going to be okay."

~TBC


	8. Cracked

**Gilded Cage**

By Bluegrass Elf a.k.a. Haiku

A Death Note Fiction

Rated: M

Pairing(s): One sided Misa/Light, Nonconsensual Light/L, future Light/L

Warnings: Rape, Violence, MPreg

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note in any way, shape, or form. I do, however, claim the plot line of this story as my own. I don't mind if you use some of the elements in it, of course, but it will really irritate me if you blatantly copy my work. You're better than that. Don't do it.

I also make no claim on the lyrics of If It Doesn't Kill You, by Siouxse.

**Author's Note:**Okay, this chapter is a little short and doesn't progress the plot as much as I would have liked but I wanted to update this for Valentine's Day and I thought you all might appreciate the info you'll get at the end of the chapter. Let us just say that a lot of you have been asking about it.

Also, this chapter is dedicated to alloveryou, Agent182, and all of the other reviewers who helped keep my self-esteem from plummeting last week. If it hadn't been for you guys, I don't know if I would have been able to continue. Thank you so much for that.

**Cracked**

_If it doesn't kill you,_

_It will shape you._

_If it doesn't break you,_

_It will make you._

_**-If It Doesn't Kill You, Siouxse**_

The holding cell was no better decorated than the last time Light had taken up residence in one, the walls plain and painted white. Once again, his hands had been cuffed behind his back and he'd been left in solitude. He stared up at the speaker on the wall, identical to the one that he'd heard L's distorted voice through before, and he began to plan.

He thought first about everything he had at his disposal. Misa was still alive; he could probably count on her to take care of this entire situation. She would gladly kill every task member if it was for him. However, he couldn't put all his eggs in one basket. Misa was loyal but she often let her jealousy and anger get the best of her. Also, he had not left Misa's apartment on the best of terms. She was angry with him for some reason and Misa could be petty. Perhaps she wouldn't feel like rescuing him if she was angry enough.

Ryuk was not an option. As many apples as he bribed the Shinigami with, Ryuk never agreed to killing someone and he never gave Light anyone's name. Not to mention that he was currently possessing Misa, due to the Death Note switch.

That left two things. One was the scrap of Death Note paper he still had hidden in his watch. The other was the minor control he now had over Ryuzaki. Fear was an amazing tool. If L decided to take control of the case again, Light had the option of pushing his buttons. He could hope for a misstep on L's part. It was clear to him now that L was not as infallible as everyone, including L himself, would like to think. The right amount of pain could bring him down, the same as it could do to anyone else.

He allowed himself a moment to relish that thought; L, trembling beneath him, as human as anyone and so terrified to realize it. Beneath the mysterious, cold exterior was a man- no, not a man. A boy who had probably spent the last seven years just on the brink of adulthood but never quite getting there; never allowed to grow because the people who took care of him barely saw him as human. To the world, L was practically a machine. It was obvious from his mannerisms that he was used to being treated as such.

Even so, L was the perfect enemy and the perfect companion for Light. It would take a little reprogramming but now that Light had the idea in his head, he refused to leave without the detective. Especially since the chances were that L, almighty and most revered L, was pregnant. Admittedly, Light didn't know enough about the potion to say that for certain. It had altered L's anatomy, certainly, but that was not to say that L's female anatomy was functioning.

The potion had been an excuse more than anything, really. If it worked then that was great but even if it didn't, it was really only an excuse to keep L.

For hours he sat in silence, eyes firmly fixed on the speaker. But no sound came from it and he couldn't think of any way to escape.

--

L felt strange as he walked out of the hospital with Yagami Soichiro at his side. Maybe it was the hospital bracelet around his wrist marking him as "Yagami Ryuzaki" that made him feel a little uncomfortable in his own skin. Maybe it was because as he left the building he realized it was the first time he'd ever been in a public hospital. It was so common place for other people. They had yearly checkups and examinations at these hospitals and they came here when they caught colds. For L, the doctors had always been brought to see him; even then, only when he was seriously ill. Watari and most of the other people who had played significant roles in L's life were all intellectuals who could handle minor illnesses and injuries themselves.

The parking lot was huge and buzzing with life. L watched with mild curiosity as people moved around him, some going into the hospital and some coming out. There were elderly people with walkers or in wheelchairs. There were young people with walkers or in wheelchairs. There were people who looked perfectly healthy and there was no way of knowing why they were going in. Terminal illnesses perhaps? All around him were reminders of human mortality. He frowned, feeling overwhelmed by it all.

"Ryuzaki? What's wrong?"

L blinked and turned his gaze to Soichiro. It was only then that he realized he'd stopped walking and was simply standing in the parking lot. "Ah… sorry," he mumbled to the confused man and began walking again. But even then, he wondered if the people he'd been wondering about were wondering the same things about him. The bruises were still visible on his face and his arms. A sudden terrible thought occurred to him. Could they tell, just be looking at him? Did the bruises give him away?

Soichiro opened the door of the police car for him and L quickly clambered in, drawing his knees to his chest. The man spared him a worried glance and opened his mouth to say something but paused for a moment and seemed to think better of it. Instead he lightly patted L's shoulder before shutting the car door.

"Are you going to be alright in head quarters?" Soichiro questioned during the drive. "You are welcome to come and stay with my family."

He'd already asked that same question several times now. It boiled down to what the doctor had said about L's dissociation. Soichiro did not feel that it was very safe to leave L on his own. However, L was an adult and able to make the call himself. And L did not want to admit defeat just yet. He wanted to continue his work as best he could. He wanted to pretend nothing had happened.

"I appreciate your concern, Yagami-san, but you needn't worry," the detective replied absently, his gaze focused on the scenery outside his window. "I can tend to myself perfectly well and I have not been injured severely enough to warrant concern. Please rest assured that I will be fine on my own. Besides, someone has to stay and keep an eye on Light."

Soichiro's hands tightened slightly on the steering wheel. The young man in the passenger's seat didn't seem to notice, still fixated on the window view. From the corner of his eye, Soichiro looked L over. Since the first time he'd met L, he'd grown accustomed to the fact that this man, barely more than a boy, really was the famous detective L. After a while, it was easy to see that it wasn't some messy, ill-mannered boy they were dealing with; it was a genius.

But right now it harder than that first day to see L as a world famous detective. L still had his knees pulled to his chest as he stared dully out the window. The bruises on his face were starting to turn green and dark purple, standing out vibrantly against his pale skin. The hospital bracelet that still adorned his thin wrist certainly didn't help the picture any.

Dark eyes turned to look at him dispassionately. "Yagami-san, is something wrong? You should pay more attention to the road."

The chief's gaze immediately turned back to the road. "Ah, no, Ryuzaki, I was just thinking about something. I don't feel that leaving you at head quarters with Light is a very good idea. I think it might be bad for your health. Will you really feel safe?"

Those big eyes widened slightly. "…Of course I'll feel safe," L replied but Soichiro caught the slight waver in his voice. "He is detained in a holding cell, Yagami-san; I hardly feel there is any cause for concern."

"Ryuzaki… that… that is hardly the point," Soichiro murmured, slightly exasperated. "Of course I am not worried that he poses a threat to you. It's just…"

"It's just what?" L asked, frowning. "What are you implying, Yagami-san? That I am incapable of doing my job; that there is something wrong with me?" Soichiro clenched his jaw and didn't reply. Anger swelled up in L, a violent type of emotion that he'd never before felt to such an extent. Before, anger had been limited to tantrums when he didn't get his way and the occasional offense to his pride when his skills were underestimated. This was different. This feeling threatened to overwhelm his senses as thoroughly as fear had overwhelmed them a day earlier.

Be logical, he warned himself. Comprehend, what is this? Is it a chemical reaction? Is it a symptom? But no matter how hard he tried, L could not make the situation explain itself. If someone were to ask him then why he was angry, he would not have been able to answer. He didn't _know why_ and it was driving him crazy.

He settled for snorting immaturely. "I am an adult. I can handle things perfectly well on my own." But he wasn't sure who he was addressing, Yagami or himself.

--

The building had an oddly empty feel to it as L stepped inside, Soichiro following at his heels. The detective felt like he was just now noticing the way the big empty space echoed everything. The sound of his and Soichiro's footsteps bounced off the walls at him. The air tasted stale.

"One of us will stay here with you at all times," Soichiro stated firmly. He shook his head when L opened his mouth to protest. "It's only temporary, Ryuzaki, just until I know that you're back on your feet. You still need some bed rest, in my opinion. And as far as I know, you've never actually been left on your own."

L shot him a hateful look. Much as he knew he should be appreciative of Soichiro's efforts, he absolutely detested when control was taken out of his hands, especially in light of recent events. More than that, he hated for someone else to win the fight. There was nothing he could really do about it. Soichiro was currently in charge, much as L detested having to surrender his authority. In this situation, L was rendered basically helpless until Wammy's helped sort things about. (Because Soichiro was right, L wasn't used to doing things on his own and didn't really know how.)

"I still say that you're being overly paranoid about this, Yagami-san," he muttered sullenly. He started to make his way over to the head quarters control panel, where they'd all sat before, watching the screens and considering what they would do next. His laptop was there on the counter, waiting for him like an old friend. But Soichiro caught him by the shoulder in a gentle but firm grip and steered him towards the elevator.

"Say what you will about the matter but for now I think you need some rest," the man replied and L simply allowed himself to be pushed inside of the elevator but an angry scowl was painted on his features. He was not happy with this. Watari had always given him mostly free reign to do as he pleased. The only rules were that he had to solve cases and stay out of the public eye. L was not used to someone actually telling him what to do.

He ignored Soichiro's attempts to talk to him on the elevator ride. He was being childish, yes, but then again, when had he ever claimed to be mature?

"Ryuzaki, I don't see how you can claim to be a capable adult one moment and then behave like this the next," Soichiro grumbled, disproving that thought. L ducked his head, suddenly feeling embarrassed. It was true that he had said that he was an adult, able to handle things on his own… "Never mind that," Soichiro continued then, his tone softer. "I'm stressed and taking it out on you. I'm just worried."

L looked up at him as the elevator doors slid open and they both stepped out. "…You are experiencing a lot of inner turmoil," he stated simply. "I can understand that."

The expression on Soichiro's face was a mixture of surprised, hurt, grateful… well, a lot of emotions and L wasn't sure he knew just how many different ones were currently at war inside the man. All he was sure of was that he didn't understand and couldn't possibly even come close to doing so. He tried for a moment to imagine himself in Soichiro's position but he just could not even begin to fathom what it would be like to be in those big shoes.

He felt guilty then for being such a child about it all. Soichiro owed him nothing and if L had any decency he would be grateful to him. Watari had taught him that much, at least. "Thank you," he blurted out when Soichiro held open the door to his rooms for him. The words felt strange in his mouth. When had he last been truly grateful to someone, aside from Watari?

Soichiro managed a smile in return and lifted a hand to gently pat L's shoulder. "You're a good boy," the man murmured fondly. "Let's get you settled in and we'll worry about sorting this situation out in the morning." This time L followed obediently as Soichiro led him to the bedroom. "Do you have some nightclothes to change into?"

"I usually fall asleep in my clothes," L admitted, not at all ashamed of it. He smirked when he saw Soichiro shake his head in disapproval. "I've never felt it necessary to invest in nightclothes. Day clothes work just as well."

He could tell that Soichiro didn't think much of that but the man didn't say a word. L shuffled over to the bed and pulled back the blankets. He paused as he did so and stared at the mattress. He and Light had slept here many times before. They'd become comfortable with each other's presence. L wondered if he would be able to sleep here now without the other's comforting presence beside him.

Finally he braced himself and slipped into the bed. "Yagami-san," he called as he pulled the blankets up over himself. "There is a bottle of liquid in the warehouse. I was forced to drink it. I don't know if this is less believable or more believable than the Death Note itself but the potion but I was not a hermaphrodite before. Not until after I consumed the liquid." He felt a strange ache in his chest as he thought about the potion.

Instead of being disbelieving, Soichiro looked sickened. "After all of this, I cannot afford to discredit things I thought before were impossible. I'll have it retrieved and placed somewhere safe. Don't worry about it anymore, just get some sleep. I'll be in the next room if you need me."

L nodded slightly. Soichiro flicked the light switch off and gently closed the door, leaving L alone. The detective shivered slightly and curled himself into a ball. He doubted he'd manage to get any sleep for a while.

--

Soichiro slowly made his way over to the couch and sank down on it, placing one hand over his face. The whole ordeal was entirely too confusing. His precious Light was a murderer and, worse than that, a rapist. The head of the investigation was young man barely old enough to be out on his own and the victim of said rapist. Again he wondered just how, exactly, he was supposed to handle this situation.

Then he remembered what L had said about calling someone who could help. He fished in his pocket and found the detective's cell phone. Quickly, he scanned through the contacts until he came across the familiar name of Clarence Nightingale. After a moment's hesitation, he pressed the call button.

The phone rang several times before someone on the other end of the line picked up. "Yes?" the voice of an older man asked in English.

"Ah… this is Yagami Soichiro of the Japanese police," Soichiro began hesitantly in broken English. "I work closely with L. He instructed me to call you and request assistance with our current situation."

There was a pause on the other end. "… L is alive?" the man finally asked in Japanese and Soichiro thought he could hear relief in the man's words. "Please understand that I cannot simply take your word for it. Is L present? Before you and I can discuss anything, I must confirm that it was indeed he who told you to call."

"Oh, of course," Soichiro replied nervously. He stood up from the couch and returned to L's bedroom door. When he opened the door, L sat up in the bed and looked at him questioningly. Soichiro held the phone out to him. "He wants to speak to you before he talks to me, Ryuzaki. That Clarence Nightingale you told me to call."

L quickly climbed out of bed and took the phone from Soichiro. "This is L," he spoke, holding the phone in his usual style with his thumb and pointer finger. "Yes, I am still alive," he continued. "No… I'm afraid Watari is no longer with us. Yes. Hold just a moment." He looked up at Soichiro. "I'm sorry Yagami-san, would you mind if I continued this conversation in private? I'll tell you when we've finished."

"I'll be in the next room," Soichiro replied, nodding. He shut the door behind him as he left the room and returned to the couch. Despite being determined on to listen in, he could hear snatches of the conversation. The name Kira was repeated several times, as well as Light's name. He even heard the word 'rape' mentioned, though L's voice remained level and calm throughout the conversation.

The door to L's bedroom opened again and L stepped out. "He would like to speak with you again, Yagami-san," the detective muttered dully. Soichiro noted with concern that L seemed irritated and his face was starting to show his exhaustion. After surrendering the phone, however, L simply sat down in a chair opposite the couch and fixed his gaze on Soichiro.

Slowly, Soichiro raised the phone to his ear. "Yagami speaking."

"Yagami-san, thank you for taking care of L in Watari's absence," the man's voice said. "L has explained the situation to me. As soon as possible, I will be making the trip to Japan to retrieve both Kira and L. As you have requested, Kira will be admitted to a place where he can be watched and kept in seclusion."

"That's excellent news," Soichiro replied earnestly but L frowned and turned his gaze to his feet, glaring at them. "… L will be resuming his duties as a detective, correct?" he questioned, just to be on the safe side.

A long pause answered him, which worried him. "L will be thoroughly examined by our staff," the man finally replied. "And he will spend six months being rehabilitated. Understand that L's job is an extremely delicate one that requires a steady hand. We cannot allow him to return to that job until we are certain that he is of sound mind."

"Six months…?" Soichiro's jaw dropped. "And L… L agreed to this?"

"L's consent is not required, Yagami-san. I hope you can understand. The work that L does is essential for the good of mankind. He has always been aware that it is his duty and that he is under our custody. L's former caretaker previously had authority over him but now that he has passed on, that authority passes to me and my colleagues."

L suddenly stood up from his chair and stalked back to his bedroom. He did not slam the door like Sayu might have done but he did shut it firmly enough to make his displeasure known. "… I really don't feel that such a long period of time is required," Soichiro tried to object, feeling faint. "I would agree that he should take a break from his work but L is an adult. Shouldn't it be his decision?"

"We will be arriving within the next three days," the man said instead of answering Soichiro's question. "Once again, Yagami-san, I thank you for stepping in and taking control of the situation but your assistance is no longer needed. Please expect us to arrive some time on Thursday."

The line went dead then. Soichiro numbly closed the phone and placed it on the coffee table. More severely than ever, he felt the pain of loss. After all that had happened, both L and Light were going to be taken away.

--

Misa was worried. She had not heard from Light in twenty-four hours. Certainly, they had parted ways on ill terms the last time they had seen each other but Misa had not thought it would last for very long. Light needed her, after all, though not in the same way that Misa needed him. Her anger at being used had melted away in his absence. Who was she to complain about the attention he gave her? Any attention at all was worth a million tears and a million lost friends.

She curled on the couch with her Death Note in her hands and it strengthened her resolve. Anything that her Light wanted, she would give him. Determined now, she picked up her cell phone and called Light's number to apologize for her behavior.

The phone rang… and rang… and rang. Light did not pick up. Finally the voicemail came on, much to Misa's disappointment. She forced herself to sound cheerful as she left a message. "Hey, Light, it's your Misa! I'm so sorry about that fight we had, it was all my fault. I just wanted to call and tell you that I love you and I won't ever act like that again. I know you're probably still mad at me but please call me back when you get a chance?"

"Something wrong?" Ryuk questioned between mouthfuls of apple. He paused in his snacking when Misa didn't answer right away. "Oi, Misa-chan, cheer up. Light won't leave you hanging for long. You're too much of a wildcard, I'd say."

Misa grabbed a couch cushion and threw it at Ryuk. "Of course," she muttered bitterly. "I'm too valuable to his plans, aren't I? Of course Light won't ignore me for long. He can't."

--

The next day, Matsuda was the one to stay and watch over L. To be frank, L was not in a good mood. After his conversation with Roger, he was extremely displeased and a little unsure of what to do. He certainly didn't want to be kept from his job for six months. He could understand Roger's reasoning but it didn't make it any less upsetting.

"Have you had anything to eat yet?" Matsuda questioned, trying to remain cheerful but L could tell that he felt very awkward. "I was thinking maybe you and I could go out and get something to eat. Chief is going to bring some food for Light. He says he doesn't want us near Light's cell. I guess I can understand that, I just don't really think Light would do anything… I mean, he's handcuffed and all."

L saw his chance and he jumped on it. "Ah… I am hungry, Matsuda. I'm afraid that I don't feel well enough to go out today, however. If you're planning on going out anyway, would you mind picking up something for me and bringing it back here?"

Luckily, Matsuda was a very naïve young man. He didn't think anything at all about the request. With a smile, he nodded. "Oh, sure!" he replied, eager for the chance to get out of head quarters for a little while. "Is there anything specific you want?" He was already heading for the door.

"Pick something out for me," L replied absently, hand already hovering over the surveillance controls. As soon as he was certain that Matsuda was gone, he flipped on the controls. The view of Light's cell flickered to life on all of the screens.

Light sat in a familiar position, his head bowed and his knees pulled to his chest. Looking at that scene, L half expected Light to suddenly look up at him with imploring eyes and swear his innocence. Part of L almost wanted that to happen.

"Light-kun," he spoke. Light's head snapped up instantly, eyes narrowed. "Greetings, Light," L continued. "I am sorry to have detained you like this, I hope you can understand. I have a few questions that I would like you answer for me."

Slowly, a smirk spread across Light's face. "Questions, Lawliet? Ask away."

L flinched slightly at the use of his name. He was grateful that Light could not see it, as he was certain that Light would have looked even more smug than he already did. "Please refrain from using my name, Light-kun, unless you would prefer that I called you Kira."

The smirk fell away from Light's face to be replaced with a frown. "What exactly do you want? If you're here to gloat, you might as well get it over with."

"Gloat? While I certainly wish that were the case, I really do have questions to ask you." L clenched his jaw, refusing to let Light's words affect him. "First of all, I want confirmation on something. That potion; does it really do what you said it did?"

Light shrugged his shoulders. "It was a fertility potion, that's all I know about it," the boy replied. "I wasn't sure what it would do. Truthfully, it didn't matter very much. I had planned on killing you. If the potion had no effect, I would have simply gotten rid of you." That nasty smirk was back again. "I would say that the chances are it did what it was supposed to do. Congratulations, L."

The detective felt sick. "Do you have any concept of what you have done, Light?" he questioned softly.

"Don't act so horrified, Ryuzaki," Light replied with a snort. "Watari was in the way. If he hadn't interfered, he would still be alive. Which would you really rather? To be locked away with your precious Watari or to be here now?"

L wasn't sure how to answer. The truth was he didn't know which he would rather. He did know one thing, however. "I would rather see you punished for your crimes," he retorted. "I hope you suffer for what you have done. Never speak Watari's name again. You're not fit to even mention him."

Laughter answered him. Light's eyes glinted in amusement. "Can't choose, can you?" he pushed. "You can't honestly say that you would let me touch you again if it meant bringing him back. Lucky for you, L, you don't have to make that decision. No one comes back from the dead."

"You disgust me, Light," L whispered in return, horrified. "You really do." L hated Light right now more than he had ever hated anyone.

"The feeling is mutual, L," Light sneered in return. "Tell me- are you going to keep it?"

Before Light could say another word, L cut off the surveillance, his body trembling. Slowly he wrapped his arms around himself, feeling violated all over again. Why had he done that? What had made him think that talking to Light would help anything at all? All he knew now was…

"I'm pregnant."

~TBC


	9. Sitting Duck

**Gilded Cage**

By Bluegrass Elf a.k.a. Haiku

A Death Note Fiction

Rated: M

Pairing(s): One sided Misa/Light, Nonconsensual Light/L, future Light/L

Warnings: Rape, Violence, MPreg

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note in any way, shape, or form. I do, however, claim the plot line of this story as my own. I don't mind if you use some of the elements in it, of course, but it will really irritate me if you blatantly copy my work. You're better than that. Don't do it.

I also make no claim on the lyrics of Picture Perfect, by Jefree Star.

**Author's Note:**Wow, this chapter was fun to write. I'm very relieved to have it finished, lol, and I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. No Misa in this chapter, unfortunately, but some serious drama! =0

**Sitting Duck**

_I'm all you want.  
I'm all you need.  
You just don't know it, but you'll see.  
I'll make you love me, make you hate me.  
There is no way out now.  
You're in my trap.  
I'm in control.  
There's no escape from me, I'm told._

_**-Picture Perfect, Jefree Star**_

"I'm back! Ryuzaki, I didn't know what to get you so I got you some different- … Ryuzaki?"

Matsuda froze, the happy smile on his face melting away into a look of confusion. Slowly, he placed the plastic bags of food on the floor and approached L. "Ah… Ryuzaki, are you okay?" he asked, lifting a hand as though to give L's shoulder a shake. He thought better of it and let his hand drop to his side. "… Did something happen?"

L was curled up in his chair with his arms wrapped tightly around his stomach and his knees drawn to his chest. His eyes were clenched tightly shut. "…I am fine, Matsuda," he replied calmly without looking up. However, the muscles of his face tightened slightly in a grimace.

"… You don't look fine," Matsuda replied, frowning. He was hesitant to pry. L was still his superior and to be frank, Matsuda was more than a little intimidated by him. He admired L, certainly; looked up to him even. But he wasn't brave enough to try and control L at all. "Maybe you should go and get some rest?" he tried to suggest gently. "Come on; let's go to your room. You can eat there if you want."

"No." L's tone was sharp and clipped. Shocked, Matsuda took a step backwards. "I'll be fine here, please leave me be."

The young police officer was at a loss. Should he just leave L alone like the detective had asked? Was that healthy? He didn't think it was. "Ryuzaki… you're tired. You really should get some rest. I mean, the chair isn't a good place to take a nap, you know?" He lifted his hand again and rested it on L's shoulder.

The body beneath Matsuda's hand instantly tensed and L's eyes flew open. "Matsuda!" he barked at the man before he could stop himself. "Do not touch me!"

Matsuda snatched his hand back, eyes wide. "A-Ah, Ryuzaki, I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking." L glared at him, chest heaving as he fought down the panic that Matsuda's touch had caused. "… You're shaking," Matsuda noted, looking worried. "Look, I'm… I'm gonna' call the chief, alright? Okay." He drew out his cell phone and started to dial Soichiro's number.

"Don't." Matsuda froze, his thumb hovering over the buttons on his phone. L took a deep breath to calm his racing heart. "You don't need to worry Yagami-san," he continued. "This is… it is normal. It would be unreasonable to call and disturb Yagami-san every time it happened. I apologize if I scared you."

"… You're okay now?" Matsuda asked, still unsure. "I mean, Chief wouldn't mind coming if you need him."

L shook his head. "That will not be necessary," he replied stubbornly. "I'm fine. What did you bring to eat?"

L hated feeling this helpless. He watched Matsuda set out all of his purchases with barely any interest at all; he wasn't hungry. The thought of trying to eat something made his stomach churn. A few feet away, his laptop sat abandoned. He hadn't touched it since confronting Light. What was the point? He'd already tried earlier to access his case files, only to find that he'd been locked out of the system. It seemed Roger knew him far too well.

He hadn't told Roger everything. For instance, Roger knew nothing about the potion and L had given him very vague descriptions of the rapes. There was no way for Roger to know that L was pregnant. L wasn't sure what Roger's reaction to that news would be. Watari wasn't there to make sure L got his own say in things so the choice would be taken completely out of his hands when Roger found out. If the House decided L should carry the baby to full term, then that would happen. They would probably take the child away afterward, too. If they decided that pregnancy was too much of a risk, L would not be able to keep them from performing an abortion. His arms tightened subconsciously around himself at the thought.

Roger also knew nothing about Misa, though L was not entirely certain why he had failed to mention her. Perhaps it was because he felt sorry for her, in a way. They technically had no evidence against her so if L remained silent, she had the opportunity to escape. But would she continue to kill without Light? It would probably be best to give Roger all of the information he'd left out. Things would go smoother that way.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Matsuda asked worriedly. "You look… sad."

"I am sad," L mumbled, raising his thumb to his lips to chew at it anxiously. "Rather, I am… frustrated. Or maybe nervous." He looked over at Matsuda thoughtfully. "I'm leaving day after tomorrow."

Shock again found its way to Matsuda's face. "Eh?! You're leaving? But… where will you go? I thought you were going to stay here. With us."

A peculiar pain blossomed in L's chest. He looked away from the man quickly. "I am L. I have duties that I must return to."

He could see that Matsuda didn't understand but he couldn't explain things to the man. Soichiro knew by necessity only and Matsuda didn't need to listen to L whine about how much this turn of events sucked. In fact, L didn't need to be whining at all. Wammy's House was the authority. What they said was law for L. Watari had protected him for years but Watari was gone now. He needed to just give in and accept that fact.

"_You've always belonged to someone."_

"Yes," he mumbled to himself. "I suppose I have."

Matsuda excused himself shortly afterward to take some food down to Light. After all, they couldn't just starve the boy until Roger arrived. L was not entirely comfortable with Matsuda being entrusted with that job, however, considering that Matsuda couldn't help being sympathetic towards Light and the young officer was also extremely gullible. It wasn't that L thought that Matsuda would help Light escape but it was quite possible that Light could suggest something seemingly innocent to Matsuda that the man would agree to without thinking.

He tried not to worry about it too much. Matsuda was a trained police officer, despite how much he might act like a child. And L didn't need to spend any time worrying about Light; it only made things worse. He twirled around his chair, bored. With no cases to do, no Watari to keep him amused, L felt like he was going to go insane. He'd never had so much time to do nothing before. His brain needed stimulation, desperately.

With nothing else to keep him occupied, his thoughts continuously drifted back to Light, accompanied by various emotions. Sometimes it made him angry to think about the boy. How dare Light presume to steal L away, to hurt him and defile him? How dare Light kill/ Watari? Did Light really think he was some sort of god, some holy deity who could do as he pleased? But the anger always gave way to more shameful emotions; fear, confusion, frustration. He hated it. He hated it so much.

After a while, L started to wonder if something had happened to Matsuda. The young man had been absent for quite a while. Surely it didn't take so long just to feed Light? Perhaps the boy was being difficult. L reached out to turn on the monitors.

"No need to do that, Ryuzaki. I'm right here."

L's body locked up, his fingers frozen inches above the power button. He felt the cold barrel of a gun being pressed against the back of his head. "Light…"

"Get up, Ryuzaki. We're leaving."

* * *

The door to Light's cell opened with a loud creak and Light's head instantly snapped up. Matsuda hesitantly stepped inside, carrying a bento box with him. "Light-kun," he greeted nervously. Light could see that he was very uncomfortable. "I, um… I brought you some food. Are you hungry?"

Light wasn't in a good mood, of course, and for a moment he thought about turning his nose up at the offered box. But then he saw an opportunity. "How am I supposed to eat it?" asked bluntly, fixing Matsuda with an irritated stare and jingling his handcuffs.

"Oh… I suppose I could feed it to you," Matsuda mumbled, embarrassed. He opened up the lunch box and took out the chopsticks. "Here you go." He picked up a piece of sushi with the chopsticks and lifted it up to Light's mouth. The boy turned his face away obstinately.

"This is ridiculous," he snapped. Matsuda's face fell, to his delight. The plan was working so far. Matsuda was so easy to manipulate. "I can't even have these handcuffs off long enough to feed myself?"

Matsuda slowly lowered the chopsticks, looking distressed. "I'm sorry, Light-kun, your dad said the handcuffs couldn't come off under any circumstance. You know I'd take them off if it wasn't for that."

Light could have grinned at how well this was working but he kept his expression a sour scowl. "Please," he scoffed angrily. "What do you think I'm going to do? Run away? Where would I go?"

"Light-kun…"

"Matsuda, listen to me!" Light gazed at the young officer with imploring eyes. "It's _me, _Matsuda. What would I do? Knock you out and take off? Come on… can't you let me keep just a little dignity?"

The man bit his lip, staring at Light with wide eyes. What Light was saying made sense, somehow. After all, this was Light. Matsuda had always looked up to Light and had always wanted to be good friends with the boy. It was still hard to connect Light with the horrible crime that had been committed against Ryuzaki. "… Okay," he finally agreed. "But please, Light-kun, don't tell your dad. And as soon as you're done eating, the handcuffs go back on."

"Of course," Light replied, a grateful smile spreading across his face. "Thank you so much, Matsuda. You're a good friend."

The statement made Matsuda's cheeks turn red with embarrassment. Light thought of him as a friend? That made him so happy. With a smile of his own, he took out the keys to Light's handcuffs and unlocked the restraints from around Light's wrists. They fell to the floor with a clatter and Light sighed in relief, rubbing his sore wrists.

"Thank you," the young murderer repeated. He held out his hand to Matsuda, as though to shake hands with him. Matsuda beamed happily and grasped Light's hand in return.

"It's no problem, Light-kun," he replied pleasantly. "I mean, it is you, after all. I know you're not going to do anything."

"Of course not," Light agreed kindly. He started to stand up, using Matsuda's hand as a support. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate this," he continued, pleased when Matsuda's grin just grew even bigger. This was so easy. "No one else would have."

Before Matsuda could say anything in return, Light suddenly grasped his upper arm with his free hand and with all strength he possessed he slammed the man against the wall of the cell. Shocked and confused, Matsuda stared at Light with wide, betrayed eyes. "Light-kun, what-?"

"Sorry," Light replied genuinely before forcing Matsuda down on the floor. He fished the man's gun out of its holster. "You're too nice, Matsuda. You really shouldn't have." He tried to ignore the horrified, hurt look on Matsuda's face as he brought the handle of the gun down on him.

He left the unconscious Matsuda lying in the room and quickly navigated his way through the building. He doubted that there was anyone else in the building. If the other task force members had been present, they would not have sent Matsuda to feed Light. Of course, there was always a chance that they were present, so Light had to stay on guard. But if he was lucky, he could out of here fairly quickly. He just needed to try and find the Death Note first.

As fast as he could, he made his way to the main room. Once there, he was greeted with the most perfect sight he could have imagined.

He quietly approached the detective, smirking when he saw the other man reaching for the button to turn on the monitors. "No need to do that, Ryuzaki," he spoke up smugly, delighting in the way L's body froze at the sound of his voice. "I'm right here." He pressed the barrel of the gun to the back of L's head.

"Light," L whimpered and Light could see the detective's terrified expression reflected in the biggest monitor screen.

"Get up, Ryuzaki," he growled, pressing the gun a little harder against L's skull. "We're leaving."

L's only reaction was to slowly turn his head to look at Light with wide eyes. Light could practically see the cogs turning in his mind as he searched for some way out of the situation. "Where are we going?" the detective asked and Light knew he was only stalling. He saw the detective's hand move just a few inches.

"That's not important," he snapped. "We're taking the Death Note and we're leaving. Now get up and show me where it is."

"…No, I don't think so, Light." L's fingers suddenly pushed a button, a different one that Light had never learned the purpose of. Red lights suddenly began blinking all throughout the room and the wail of an alarm. "I've put us on lockdown. You won't leave this building, Kira."

The whole plan fell through with those words. Light stared at L in disbelief. He hadn't even known that it was possible to lock this place down! "Damn it, L!" he exclaimed. "Turn the lockdown off!" He waved the gun in L's face. "Do you have a death wish?!"

"Light won't shoot me," L replied simply and Light marveled at how calm the detective was managing to stay. "I have something that you need. Don't I, Light?"

The statement infuriated Light. He needed to get out of here and he needed to take L with him. He couldn't leave the detective behind, not knowing that L was pregnant with Light's child. And L was using the child against him. He couldn't kill L if he wanted the baby. "Maybe I can't kill you," the boy hissed dangerously. "But I promise you, if you don't turn the lockdown off right now I will make you regret it."

His threat succeeded in making L flinch terribly and shrink away from Light but the detective shook his head. "I can't let you leave here, Light. What happens to me is of little consequence. For the good of the world, I have to keep you here."

"For the good of the world?" Light's anger grew. How could L be so blind?! How could he not see that everything Light did was for the good of the world? "I am helping the world, Ryuzaki! I am ridding it of all the worthless scum; I am making it safe for people to walk in the streets at night! You claim to be doing this for the good of the world but if you were really concerned about the good of the world you would be leaving with me now. Don't you understand? You and I could make things perfect!"

L clenched his eyes shut and shook his head again. "I know you think you are justified, Light," he whispered. "But I can't let you out of here."

"Ryuzaki!" Light roughly smacked the detective across the face with his free hand, still pointing the gun with the other. L made a choked noise of fear and wobbled in his chair, gripping the arm rests to keep from falling. Light fisted his hand in the detective's shirt and pulled him out of the chair, shoving him to the floor. Terrified, L cowered where he fell as Light pushed the lockdown button desperately. "Damn it, it's asking for a code!" the teen exclaimed. "Ryuzaki, what's the code?!"

"Not telling you," L spat defiantly. He cried out in pain when Light kicked him squarely in the chest. "Hurting… hurting me won't help you. I won't cooperate." He could not and would not let Light win this time. Even if he died, he could keep Light in this building as long as it took.

Frustrated, the teen turned away from the screens and shoved the gun into his back pocket. He knelt down next to L, grasping the detective's chin in his hand. L stared back at him but Light could see the fear in those dark orbs. "Do you really think you can hold out that long? No one knows there's anything wrong. No one is coming to save you. I can make you hurt more than anything you've ever experienced."

"Worse than you've already done?" L whispered back. "I don't believe you, Light." He suddenly threw a punch at the boy, catching Light in the face and giving him time to scramble to his feet. Light swore loudly, clutching at his cheek. "Don't think you can just bully me like before, Light," the detective spat. "You have taken away everything you could threaten me with and we are now on an equal playing field. Do you think I'm so scared of you that I'll just allow you to overpower me?"

Light slowly got to his feet, still holding his cheek. It would bruise, he was certain. L could punch fairly hard; thankfully, not as hard as he could kick. "Do you think your tough act is going to fool me?" he sneered. He was tired of all this and he just wanted to leave as soon as possible. "I know you're scared of me. I saw to that. Now, just make this easier on everyone and unlock the building. I don't want to hurt you."

But there was no way L was going to give in so easily. It was true, he was scared. However, here in the building that he'd designed himself he was not nearly as scared as he had been in that warehouse, where he'd had nothing to his advantage. Here he had everything to his advantage. "You are a fool," he growled, clenching his hands into fists. "I'm not going anywhere. No matter what you do to me, it will still be better than going with you. I will not release you on the world again."

"You can't stop me, L," Light snarled, drawing the gun from his back pocket again. "You have two choices. You'll turn off the lockdown or I'll shoot you."

L could have rolled his eyes. "There are so many different reasons why you wouldn't pull that trigger," he stated calmly, his confidence growing the more frustrated that Light became. "First of all, you've made the mistake of choosing me for giving birth to your child. If you shoot me, you'll kill the child too. Furthermore, if you shoot me you'll completely destroy any chance you have of getting out of here. No one else knows the security code." He smirked. "Looks like I win this round, Light-kun."

"You think so, do you?" Light had never felt so downright frustrated. He tried to calm himself down. He had to think about this, he couldn't just let his anger get the better of him. L was right, Light couldn't shoot him and L was too smart to be tricked into thinking he would. He had to come up with a better threat. And then it hit him. "Well, I'll admit, killing you is something I'm hoping to avoid," he began with a smirk of his own. "But you're not the only hostage in this situation. Matsuda is still alive. Wouldn't you like him to stay that way?" The way L's body tensed was delicious. Light's smirk grew. "Does he know what you've already done to save him, Ryuzaki? Does he know I had you down on your knees pleasuring me just so I wouldn't write his name in the Death Note?" L's dark eyes turned to the ground, his expression a mixture of shame and hurt. "Maybe I should tell him," Light continued viciously, "right before I put a bullet in his head."

He turned his back on L and started to return the way he'd come, wondering if L would really let him go through with it. He doubted it but there was still a chance that he was going to have to shoot Matsuda to get L to cooperate.

He didn't get further than five feet when a body suddenly collided with him, knocking all of the air out of him and causing him to topple to the ground, the gun falling from his hands and skidding a few feet away. It took a moment for Light to figure out what had happened. L had tackled him.

"Keep your dirty hands off of him," the detective snarled, effectively using his body weight to pin Light on the floor. "I will not allow you to kill again. I will not allow you to beat me again. Give up, Light."

"Never," Light spat, managing to twist in L's hold to swing a punch at him as L had done to him earlier, catching the detective in the jaw. L's head snapped to the side but the detective didn't move otherwise. Slowly, L turned his face back to Light, his expression as cold and dead as Light had ever seen it. Light gave a frustrated shout and swung another punch. L was prepared this time and caught Light's fist in a firm hold.

The detective leaned down slightly, gazing into Light's eyes. "You really thought you could just do whatever you wanted to me," he spat angrily. "You don't want to save the world. You just want to be a savior. All of the school awards and proud parents in the world couldn't satisfy you. You had to have more. Now you're going to die for that, Light. Haven't you figured that out yet?"

A flicker of fear appeared in Light's eyes. He was going to die? L was going to have him executed? However, he quickly shook it off. "I'm not going to die, Ryuzaki," he retorted, "because I'm not going to stick around for that. But I refuse to leave here without you." He suddenly closed the distant between them and crashed his lips against L's. The detective froze again and Light used the opportunity to flip their positions. Releasing L from the kiss, he grinned down at his captive. "Admit it L, you know that what I'm doing is making the world better. Don't act like you wouldn't have done the same as me if it had been you that found the Death Note."

"This is not about me, Light," L growled in return, still trying to stay in control of his emotions but his heart was pounding in his chest. This position was far too familiar. Memories flashed in his head, memories of pain and fear. Light seemed to notice because the terrible boy kept grinning and leaned down again, almost lovingly pressing his lips to L's again. L made a muffled noise of protest and squirmed in Light's grip. The boy grabbed hold of L's hands and pinned them above his head, trapping the detective.

"Be a good boy and tell me the code, L," Light whispered against L's lips. "Don't make me fuck you right here."

Fear gripped L and his eyes grew wider than ever. No, he couldn't go through that again! But he couldn't give Light the code. He couldn't let Light go free. He clenched his eyes shut and shook his head desperately. Light's lips against his became more forceful, the boy's tongue demanding entrance, but L refused to open his mouth. Light transferred both of L's arms to his left hand and used his free right hand to reach lower, cupping L through his jeans.

L tried to shout in shock and fear but Light's mouth still covered his own. Light used the opportunity to sweep his tongue into L's mouth and the detective choked in disgust. With Light's tongue in his mouth and Light's hand still holding his crotch, L could feel himself starting to panic. He had to get away! He couldn't let this happen again! So he did the only thing he could think to do; he bit down on that violating tongue as hard as he could.

Light pulled away with a pained shout, tasting blood in his mouth. Still pinned, L stared up at him with defiant eyes but his kiss bruised lips trembled and his chest heaved as his breathing became more labored. "Damn it, Ryuzaki, I will not stand for this!" Light snarled. He drew his fist back and punched L again. L choked back a cry of pain. "You will do as I say!"

The boy stood and pulled L up with him before slamming L against the wall. L groaned as his crooked spine roughly collided with the hard surface. Light took hold of L's shoulders and shook him roughly, causing the back of the detective's head to smack against the wall harshly. L stared at Light with wide, terrified eyes. He had only seen Light this angry one other time and the thought of what had happened then paralyzed him with fear.

"You are not in control, L!" Light shouted, punching L again; and then again and again and again. L was feeling faint in addition to the pain by the time Light calmed down and backed up. The detective, deprived of the support Light's hold had offered him, sank down the wall to the floor. It felt like his nose was broken and he knew it was bleeding because the blood was dripping down his face.

"Look what you made me do, Ryuzaki," Light murmured, trying to calm his own breathing and get his anger under control. He knelt down in front of L and gently cupped the detective's face. "I don't want to hurt you. Please don't make me do it again. Just tell me what the code is, alright?"

It would have been easier and safer for L at that point to just give in and tell Light the code. He was hurting so much now he just wanted it to be over. But as he looked into Light's eyes and saw past the mock kindness, the thought of doing so only made him hurt more. He couldn't give in. He had to keep fighting or Light would win. He took a deep breath and spoke one word. "No."

The way Light's face contorted with pure anger nearly made L's heart freeze. What had he done?! Was he and idiot?! Light was going to hurt him again for this and suddenly all of L's bravery was gone and fear filled him up completely.

"Crying, Ryuzaki?" Light sneered and it was only then that L realized tears were running down his face. He drew a shuddering breath and a sob broke free. He shook his head desperately, despite the pain it caused. "Yes you are," Light murmured and his hands moved from L's face to gently grasp L's right hand. "Shh, Ryuzaki, it's okay," he murmured, stroking the hand lovingly. "You're alright."

L screamed aloud when Light suddenly grabbed his pointer finger and snapped it. "Tell me!" Light demanded. "Tell me what the code is!" L shook his head again and the tears continued to pour down his face, mixing with blood as both liquids dripping onto his shirt.

"N-no," the detective stuttered before screaming again when Light snapped his index finger.

The boy released his hand and stood up. L breathed a sigh of relief when Light walked away, his tear-filled eyes following the teen as Light made his way to the cleaning closet and opened the door. Light reached into the closet and drew something out but L couldn't see what it was. "You really should have just told me," Light murmured, turning around to face L. In his hands was a police baton. "And I'm really not going to ask about all the crap you have in that closet or why it's there."

"C-costumes," L replied weakly, wiping his bloody nose on his sleeve. Light approached him, turning the baton over in his hands as he walked. "Light…" L murmured nervously.

"One more time, Ryuzaki; what's the code?" Light towered above L like a giant, tapping the baton in his hand warningly. "If you don't answer me, you won't like the consequences. Make this easier on yourself, alright?"

L knew what would happen if he said no. Light had already proven that he had nothing against beating L into submission. But L couldn't go down without a fight. Not only was it the right thing to stand up to Light, L just could not admit defeat. He stared up at Light and tried to push his fears away. "Go to hell, Light."

The boy didn't hesitate to bring the baton down viciously onto L's shoulder. L yelped, curling in on himself. Light brought the baton down on him again and again, striking nearly every part of his body. The only place that he didn't beat was L's midriff. Every other inch of L's body was soon throbbing. He could _feel _ribs break when Light struck his ribcage. Before Light finished, it was likely L would need emergency treatment. Or maybe Light really would kill him. L could feel himself starting to lose consciousness.

In his mind's eye, he could see memories of them as they were before. He and Light staying up until three in the morning, trying to find the mysterious murderer that kept eluding them both. Light forcing him finally to go to bed because they actually needed _some _sleep. Light's sweet smile; pure, raw intellect lurking behind that smile. That intellect was what had attracted L to him in the first place. And L could see now how much he'd fallen for Light's soul; now that it seemed Light no longer had a soul at all.

He was pulled back from his thoughts when he felt fingers on the button of his jeans. He could see a blurry image of Light stooped over him and he knew the boy was the one removing his clothes. He whimpered softly. It was going to happen again. Why couldn't he get away from this? Why couldn't Light leave him alone?

"Oh, Ryuzaki," Light whispered in L's ear, fingers dancing against the soft, sensitive flesh of L's upper thighs. "What a beautiful mess you are. You could make all the pain go away. You only have to tell me what the code is. Will you tell me?"

Everything was hurting L so much, physically and mentally. How was he supposed to cope with this? He turned his head to the side to numbly stare into space, trying to ignore when Light's fingers went lower; caressing him, violating him. He tried not to think about it because if he ignored it, maybe he wouldn't feel it. "Stop," he mumbled thickly, wishing he was strong enough to push Light away. But after that beating, he didn't feel like moving.

"Why?" the demon murmured, hand stroking L gently. "Don't you like it, Ryuzaki? It feels good. I can make you feel good."

"Get your fucking hands off of him."

Both genii looked up at the sound of the shaky but determined voice. Unfortunately for Light, it was just in time to see Matsuda bring the previously abandoned police baton down on Light's head. Light's eyes rolled back in his head and the teen collapsed overtop L. With that suffocating weight on top of him, L felt like he couldn't breathe. He struggled weakly but couldn't get out from under the heavy body. "M-Ma… Matsuda…"

Matsuda dropped the baton and grabbed hold of Light, dragging him off of the detective and swiftly snapped the handcuffs on Light's wrists. He turned back to L, who was still only half conscious and quickly slipping into unconsciousness. "H-hey, it's… it's okay now, Ryuzaki," the young officer stuttered. With trembling fingers, he began to right the detective's clothing. "I'm so sorry," he mumbled, unable to look L in the eyes as he buttoned L's jeans back. "Just hang on, I'll call an ambulance." He pulled out his phone to dial 911.

"… Lockdown code," L replied faintly, barely awake now. "The code… 13… 24… 95. Turn the… lockdown off. 13… 24… 95…"

And then L let the darkness claim him. He could only hope that Matsuda had understood him.

~TBC


	10. Ashes, Ashes

**Gilded Cage**

By Bluegrass Elf a.k.a. Haiku

A Death Note Fiction

Rated: M

Pairing(s): One sided Misa/Light, Nonconsensual Light/L, future Light/L

Warnings: Rape, Violence, MPreg

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note in any way, shape, or form. I do, however, claim the plot line of this story as my own. I don't mind if you use some of the elements in it, of course, but it will really irritate me if you blatantly copy my work. You're better than that. Don't do it.

I also make no claim on the lyrics of The Walk, by Imogen Heap.

**Author's Note: **Great response from everyone last chapter! I'm so glad you all like this story so well, your reviews are a source of inspiration for me. I hope you enjoy this next chapter just as well. Sorry it took so long for me to get this one finished, lol. Love you guys!

**Ashes, Ashes**

_Big trouble, losing control._

_Primary resistance at a critical low._

_On the double, gotta' get a hold._

_Point of no return, one second to go._

_It's not meant to be like this,_

_Not what I planned at all._

_I don't want to feel like this._

_No, it's not meant to be like this,_

_It's just what I don't need._

_Oh, why make me feel like this?_

_It's definitely all your fault._

_**-The Walk, Imogen Heap**_

Soichiro had gone home to try and explain things to his family; after all, he had to tell Sachiko and Sayu what had happened to Light. Sooner or later, they would wonder where he was. However, telling them the truth was a task that he dreaded. How did you tell a little girl that her big brother wasn't who she thought he was? How did you tell a mother that her son was a murder?

How did you admit those things to yourself?

He'd been in the middle of trying to calm down his hysterical wife and sobbing daughter when his phone rang. Seeing Matsuda's number on the caller ID, he'd nearly hit the silence button but then he'd thought better about it and reluctantly answered.

On the other end of the line, Matsuda was in tears. "Chief, I'm at the hospital," the young man blubbered. Soichiro knew something was terribly wrong as soon as he said that. "R-Ryuzaki… oh, it's all my fault, I know it. I shouldn't have… but I didn't think Light would… would… You just gotta' come, R-Ryuzaki's in the ICU…"

"I'm coming," he replied sharply. And then he was trying in vain to explain to his loved ones why he had to alone with their grief. "I have to go," he said helplessly. "Ryuzaki needs me right now. Please try to understand."

"I'll go with you," Sachiko said sharply, her eyes burning with a fire he had not seen in them since they were both much younger. "I want… I want to see for myself what Light did."

To Matsuda's credit, he had certainly taken care of things. By the time they reached the hospital, the other task force members were there as well. It seemed that Matsuda had mostly gotten his tears under control, though he was still a mess. There was a bandage above his right eye and his face was tear streaked from crying. When he saw Soichiro and his family approach, the young man hiccupped and looked as though he might start crying anew.

"Report," Soichiro all but snapped at his subordinates. The four men at first cowered under his harsh tone but Aizawa recovered quickly.

"Light somehow convinced Matsuda to take his handcuffs off," Aizawa began to explain, casting a disapproving glance in Matsuda's direction. "Apparently Light knocked Matsuda out and then tried to leave but Ryuzaki put the building on lockdown. You can probably guess what happened after that." He looked at Sachiko and Sayu, not wanting to elaborate further with them present. "Luckily Matsuda woke up and got to them before Ryuzaki was killed. Ryuzaki's in real bad shape, though."

"Yagami-san!" The doctor from before came hurrying towards them, wearing a scowl. He stopped in front of Soichiro, his hands on his hips. "Doctor Yamakawa. You remember me. Would you care to explain why your son is in the hospital a second time in worse condition than he was the last time he was here?!"

Soichiro could see the suspicion in the young doctor's eyes and he couldn't say that he blamed the man for it. After all, this situation _was_ highly suspicious. He would have thought the same if he'd been in the doctor's place. "Doctor Yamakawa, I understand that you are concerned for my son's safety but please keep your voice down around my daughter," he reprimanded the man. "She's been through enough stress as it is. Now, tell me, can we see Ryuzaki yet?"

There was a moment of silence. Doctor Yamakawa's hands clenched into fists at his sides and it was clear that he was angry but finally the man deflated a little. "…He's still out right now but he's stable. I can take you to see him if you would like."

"Please," Soichiro replied, nodding. He glanced at his wife. "Dear, you and Sayu might want to stay here."

Sachiko stubbornly shook her head and Sayu stepped behind her mother, both to support her mother and hide behind her at the same time. It made Soichiro's heart ache to see them both so distressed. He really didn't want them to see Ryuzaki. No doubt the young detective was a gruesome sight right now and it just seemed like a bad idea to subject his family to more than they'd already been. But he couldn't deny them. It was their right, after all. And maybe it would help them understand what was going on a little better.

He gave them both a stern look. "Now listen, if it is going to upset either of you to see Ryuzaki right now, I think it would be best if you didn't. I'm not going to insist that you don't but… I think you've both had plenty of drama tonight."

"Soichiro… I need to see him," Sachiko replied, her tone almost desperate. "I need to see what has been done to him, even if it will upset me."

Reluctantly, Soichiro nodded. Doctor Yamakawa motioned for them to follow him and he led them to Ryuzaki's room. He paused as they reached the door. "Please don't be alarmed when you see him," the doctor murmured, seeming to also be aware of the need to keep Sachiko and Sayu calm. "He's out of danger now, so it looks worse than it is. He's on a ventilator right now to help him breath. One of his ribs punctured his lung. He has five broken ribs in total and two broken fingers on his left hand, as well as a hairline fracture on his left wrist. We'll need to keep him here for a few weeks to recover but… he _will _heal, in time."

The two women looked rather overwhelmed but Sachiko nodded. "Alright, we're prepared," she murmured. Doctor Yamakawa offered her a comforting smile and opened the door to Ryuzaki's room, letting them inside.

The doctor was right, it did look bad- really bad. Soichiro was certain it looked worse to Sachiko and Sayu than it did to him. He'd seen abuse victims before in his line of work, had even interviewed a few. However, it wasn't easy to see L like this, even for him.

Even on the ventilator, L's breath seemed to come in short gasps. The young man's chest noticeably rose and fell with the effort it was taking his body to breathe. And the bruises… Soichiro had been horrified before when he'd seen L in the warehouse but that was nothing compared to this. L's face was a mottled mess of red and purple. Both of his eyes were blackened. Soichiro wouldn't be surprised if they were swollen shut. L's left hand had not been placed in a cast, merely a brace, but his two broken fingers had been splinted. With all of the tubes attached to him, one might have thought he was in danger of dying.

"Oh…" Sachiko raised her hand to cover her mouth. "How could he do this?" she whispered, unable to believe that her precious son really could have done this. Light was a good person! He couldn't do this to another person, she knew it. But then, how could she deny it when the proof was right in front of her? This young man, L, clearly had not caused all of this damage himself. Someone had done this to him.

"… He also has a concussion from being repeatedly beaten with a blunt object," Doctor Yamakawa spoke up. "There doesn't seem to be any internal bleeding, however. In fact, he has absolutely no injuries on his abdomen. Everywhere else has been beaten. He's lucky he didn't break more bones; his nose is broken." He gestured to the bandage on L's nose. "Possibly from the beating but he also might have been punched in the face. Given his, uh…." The doctor glanced nervously at Sayu, not really wanting to mention the rape in front of such a young girl. "Um, given the reason he was last brought here, we gave him a thorough examination but it seems that his attacker didn't go further than beating him this time."

Soichiro couldn't help sighing in relief. "Thank God," he whispered. The words seemed strange to him after he'd said them. His own son had just beaten Ryuzaki within an inch of his life. There really wasn't much of anything to be thankful for but at least it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

* * *

L woke very, very slowly. At first, he only felt fuzzy and disconnected. Gradually the pain came back to him, a prominent ache in his body. He opened his eyes and the room slowly came into focus. He found himself staring at a white ceiling. A hospital… For a moment he couldn't think of why he would be here again.

Then he remembered. Light had escaped; Light had been so angry with L for putting the building on lockdown. L felt his breathing speed up and that caused more pain, for some reason. He tried to take a deep breath but wound up coughing and choking. There was something lodged in his throat. Panic started to overcome him and he moved his right hand to touch his face. His fingers grazed plastic.

_Endotracheal tube, _he thought to himself, relaxing a little. He was on a ventilator then. That meant one of his ribs had probably punctured his lung. It also meant that he couldn't talk. The thought both irritated him and worried him. This seriously hindered his ability to communicate.

The door to the white, bland room opened and L's eyes instantly shifted to it to see who had come in. Soichiro stood there, looking extremely tired. When he saw that L was awake, the man smiled gently. "You're awake," he murmured gently. L gave the tiniest of nods in return. "That's good," Soichiro continued, making his way over to L's bedside. "I was worried for a while, even though the doctor assured us you would wake."

L nodded again because it was all he could do. He was already getting frustrated. He had a lot of questions that he needed to ask and the tube was preventing him from speaking at all. He lifted his hand and gestured to the tube, hoping Soichiro would understand that he wanted to know about it.

"It's helping you breathe," Soichiro replied immediately, which only made L roll his eyes. He knew that much. "Ah… you punctured a lung," the man continued, seemingly getting the meaning of the eye roll. "You'll only need it for a few days. Here, the nurse brought this." He reached to grab a pad of paper and a pen from the bedside table. "You can write any questions you need to ask." He placed the pad on the bed beside L and gently pressed the pen into L's uninjured hand.

"_Thank you," _L scribbled onto the paper, gripping the pen as oddly as he held a phone or a cup of coffee. _"How long will I have to be hospitalized?"_

"Several weeks," Soichiro said, frowning. "I know your people are coming for you day after tomorrow but I don't see how it will be possible for them to move you right now. The doctors are insisting on prolonged bed rest. You've broken five ribs and they have to have time to heal before you're up and moving again."

L wasn't sure whether or not he was happy with that answer. He felt odd about it. Technically, it would cause problems if he couldn't return to England immediately. He should be unhappy with this because things needed to go as smoothly as possible. It was L's responsibility to help make sure they did. But part of L was glad. Part of him didn't want to go anywhere.

"_What about Light?"_ he wrote. _"Where is he right now?"_

"In his cell again, handcuffed and thoroughly restrained," Soichiro replied and L thought that perhaps the man was trying to sound reassuring. "Mogi and Ide are at headquarters now monitoring him. There's nothing to stop this Clarence Nightingale from taking Light to a ward, as promised."

It clearly pained Soichiro to talk about his son being taken away. L looked away, feeling guilty for some reason. Obviously, he was not actually to blame. This was all completely Light's fault. But L couldn't help feeling like he was the one splitting up a family.

After a moment's silence, he scribbled down, _"I'm sorry."_

Soichiro inhaled sharply. "Ryuzaki, this is not your fault," he replied, trying to sound firm but his voice wavered slightly. "Light made his choices. You are a victim of those choices. As we all are, I suppose. Don't worry yourself over this. Let us handle Light for the time being, you don't need to be thinking about him. You've earned the right to some rest."

Well, L disagreed with that but there was no point arguing, especially when all he had at his disposal was a notepad and an ink pen. After a moment, he simply laid the pen down. He was feeling tired again. Soichiro seemed to notice because he smiled and gently patted L's hand before turning away.

"Get some rest, Ryuzaki," he spoke from the doorway. "I'll be back to check on you soon."

L let his eyes begin to drift closed. He was too tired to fight; too tired to worry about how this new turn of events would affect the plans for Thursday.

* * *

The plane trip was a long one and awkwardly, hostilely silent the entire time, aside from the chatter of the security guards that had been brought along to escort Kira when they arrived in Japan and the pilots flying the plane. The other three inhabitants of the private jet were two young boys and an older man. The older man looked tired, to say the least. The youngest boy, pale skinned with shocking white hair, was silently working a puzzle in the window seat. On the other side of the older man, the eldest boy more sulked than sat in his seat. He shot angry glares at the white haired boy, sticking out his tongue immaturely whenever the other boy glanced up at him.

"Mello, act your age," the man finally snapped after an entire plane trip of dealing with the tension in the air and listening to the boy, Mello, grumbling under his breath. "You both know that this is a very serious trip. Near is behaving quite maturely. I would expect no less from you, young sir."

"Yes, Roger," Mello mocked in return before crossing his arms over his chest and huffing in irritation. "Near's just a goody-goody."

Near did not even rise to the bait. He merely glanced up at his unhappy companion and batted his lashes once in curiosity. "While that may be true, Mello, I think that you're merely allowing your nerves to get you worked up. There's nothing to worry about. This is only trip is only a retrieval." His voice was level and calm but it only made Mello even more annoyed.

"Whatever, Near," he spat. "Excuse me if I'm a little nervous about meeting _the L. _But of course you don't even care. All you care about are your stupid toys."

"They're not stupid, Mello," Near replied absently, returning his attention to his puzzle.

"Attention passengers," the pilot's sounded over the intercom. "We'll be landing in twenty minutes. Please be prepared for landing."

The jet touched down in the Kanto region of Japan and Mello seemed to perk up a bit. The idea of meeting L was exciting to him. His entire life had been spent aspiring to be L's heir. L was his hero. He only wished that he didn't have to share this experience with Near. After all, he already had to share everything else with Near.

"What do you think he's like?" he couldn't help asking in the taxi, even though he hated Near and really didn't care whether or not the other boy answered. "I mean, maybe he's not that impressive. Maybe he's just an ordinary person." He didn't believe that, though. The image of L in his mind was a glorious one. L was a genius, almost a superhero, and he could solve any case, no matter how hard. L couldn't be some average human. L had to be superhuman.

Near looked up and gazed at him for a long moment. He shrugged his shoulders. "I think you'll be disappointed," he said bluntly.

The blonde's eye twitched. "Fuck you, Near," he spat back.

"Boys," Roger spoke up, giving them both stern looks. "That is quite enough. Both of you behave yourselves, please. I need to make a phone call and I expect you both to be silent while I do so."

Instantly, Near clammed up and Mello, albeit reluctantly and with a scowl, followed suit. Immature as Mello might behave on occasion, he and Near both knew when enough was enough. Roger sighed in relief and took out his cell phone, dialing L's number.

The two boys watched their caretaker intensely, both straining to hear whatever they could of L's voice. However, the voice that picked up was not what they had expected. It was deep and masculine. "Yagami desu," they faintly heard. Mello frowned. This was clearly not L.

"Yagami-san?" Roger questioned, switching to Japanese himself. "This is Clarence Nightingale. Why are you answering L's cell phone?" The voice on the other end spoke again but neither of the boys could make out what was being said. Roger's expression changed to one of concern. "Which hospital?" he questioned. "… I see. I'll meet you there, then."

Mello and Near exchanged looks. This was unexpected. Had something happened to L?

* * *

"He's on his way here," Soichiro explained to L, snapping the cell phone shut. It was day three of L's hospitalization. L had been in and out of consciousness the whole time but only a few hours earlier he had been taken off of the ventilator, the doctors deeming it safe for him to breathe on his own. Still, L's throat was tired and sore and the detective was not up to talking.

L nodded wearily in response. He'd been dreading this day, mostly because he wasn't sure what would happen. He didn't like being unsure of anything. He far preferred to be one hundred percent positive of the outcome.

"Try to eat some of this," Soichiro urged, picking up a jello cup. Before Roger had called, Soichiro had been attempting to coax L into eating some of the jello, one of the few foodstuffs that the detective could eat with minimal pain right now. He scooped some into the spoon and offered it to L. Reluctantly, L opened up and took the spoon into his mouth, swallowing the jello. He grimaced.

"Not hungry," he mumbled as softly as he could.

Soichiro sighed and sat the jello cup aside. "I know," he admitted. "I've not been feeling up to eating anything myself, to be honest." He fell silent then and for a while, neither of them said anything to the other. Conversation seemed so meaningless at this point. The was nothing Soichiro could say to make things better and there was nothing L could do to change their current situations, despite how powerful and in control the young man had always seemed before. Instead, they waited quietly for the arrival of the man who would change everything.

Finally, a nurse peeked into the room. "Sirs?" she addressed them. "You have visitors. Can I let them in?" Soichiro nodded and the woman opened the door the rest of the way to allow said visitors into the room.

L recognized Roger immediately. However, the two young boys that stood behind him were foreign to the detective. He narrowed his eyes, wondering why Roger would have children accompanying him. The only explanation he could think of was…

"You brought Mello and Near?" His voice was very scratchy and hoarse, far more so than was typical for him. It was still painful for him to speak.

Roger nodded and gestured for the boys to step forward. "I had not expected the situation to escalate like this and I had thought that perhaps if you met them both in person you would be able to decide which of them would be best able to fill your position."

Soichiro shifted in his seat, watching with wide eyes. He knew Roger's voice from their phone conversations but like L, he was perplexed by the two youths.

"This is not the best time for that, honestly," L replied, looking even more exhausted than he had before. Was the presence of these individuals really that stressful for him, Soichiro wondered? The young detective's face was pale and haggard. "As I'm sure you've realized, I cannot return with you today. My injuries are too extensive."

"I came to that conclusion." The older man frowned. "Of course, arrangements could be made for safe transportation but perhaps it would be best if you remained here until you have healed properly."

From behind Roger, Mello peered at the man who was supposed to be his idol. There was no way this was really L. L was not some gangly _boy_ in a hospital bed, covered in bandages. Where was the super human intellectual Mello had been expecting?

"Told you that you'd be disappointed," Near whispered softly.

At those soft words, L looked up at them sharply. His eyes seemed… dead. Empty. Mello shivered, wondering why there was no fire in them. Even expressionless Near had passion and life in his eyes. Mello had never seen eyes as broken as L's were. "You are disappointed, boys?" he asked. There was a slight waver in his tone, barely noticeable.

"They're merely shocked, L," Roger spoke up. "And to be frank, if they are disappointed in what they see, then they have every right to be. What were you thinking? This entire situation could have been avoided if you had not revealed yourself! We have always warned you to only work from the shadows. And yet you chose to do so. Don't you think that Yagami Raito would have been far less likely to target you if he had never seen your face?"

The detective flinched and averted his eyes. "It was necessary," he said softly. "And in the end, Kira was apprehended. If I had not become personally involved in his case, I suspect that right now Kira would still be at large. What is important is that no one else will die."

"You could have died!" L flinched again as Roger's voice became louder. The man had always been much harsher than Watari and L had always disliked that about him. "Thanks to you, Watari is dead and you are currently incapable of doing your job. People are dying because of this, L."

"Well, perhaps they wouldn't be if you had not locked me out of my own computer system," L spat back, starting to feel indignant. "Or perhaps you and the others could solve these cases yourself. I only just solved the Kira case and if it had been my choice to abstain from cases for a few days, I fail to see where the problem in that would be."

Soichiro stood up then, worried that L was becoming too stressed. The young man's breathing was becoming erratic and he sounded more pained as he spoke. "I think it might be best if this conversation was continued at another time. Ryuzaki is in a lot of pain right now."

His words did not budge Roger. "Unfortunately, there will not be another opportunity to continue this conversation, Yagami-san, until we return for L at a much later date when his injuries have healed. This, I might add, is yet another inconvenience you have now caused us, L."

"Then don't come back for me." The words slipped out of L's mouth before he had the opportunity to really think about them.

The old man froze. "Excuse me?" he demanded, sharp eyes fixing on L's face. "Don't come back for you?"

L had intended to tell Roger everything. Even knowing that it would probably cost him the baby, he had been prepared to place all control in Roger's hands. It was the right thing to do. It was what was expected of him. But suddenly he didn't care what was right and what was wrong. "You heard me," he replied, his voice a little stronger. "If I have become a liability, please feel free to leave me here permanently."

"Are you saying that you wish to be relieved of your position as L?!" Roger exclaimed, horrified and enraged at the same time. "What are you thinking? That is not an option!"

"What will you do? Force me to return?" L's voice was cool, as was his expression. "If I no longer wish to be the detective L, it is my right to retire from the position. Will you take away my rights as a human being, Roger? Do you really think you can contain me if I choose to defy you? I could have your secrets all over the internet in moments."

Mello and Near both stared wide-eyed at him. Not even Near had expected this much drama and it was difficult for them both to wrap their minds around this. L was refusing to return to Whammy's? Why would he want to stop being L? It was what every orphan in Whammy's House strived for. It was the ultimate goal.

"You would threaten Whammy's secrecy?" Roger demanded, quivering with anxiety. L only nodded in return, causing the old man's eyes to light up with anger. "Very well then, L, but understand that this means you will be on your own. Whammy's House will not support a usurper."

"I am certain I'll be able to manage," L responded coldly.

The ties were severed. L would not be returning to the orphanage, Roger could see that clearly. The damage done to him had been too much, plain and simple. "Very well then." The old man deflated slightly. "If this is your decision, at least choose your heir. Is it Near or Mello who will replace you?"

L tensed slightly, his gaze returning to the boys. "… They are far too young," he murmured, thinking back on his own childhood at the great detective. Mello and Near were many years older than he had been when he had first begun working on cases with Watari. "They're not even old enough to know whether they even want the position. I refuse to make such a choice."

"We're not too young!" It was Mello that spoke. He stood trembling with rage. "We've worked for this our whole lives! You can't just say you won't choose. It isn't fair!"

"You have to pick one, L, you owe us this much," Roger agreed firmly. "You cannot abandon them. They are the brightest children in the orphanage. Have the decency to tell them yourself which of them will replace you!"

L stared at the two boys with wide eyes. Two pairs of imploring, insanely curious eyes peered back at him. He had to pick one brilliant child to follow in his footsteps. One brilliant child would be spending the rest of his childhood behind a computer screen, alone and isolated… How could he choose one of them for that fate?

And then it hit him as he remembered the test scores and evaluations Watari had shown him for these two. He remembered that he had thought them perfectly matched. What one lacked, the other had in abundance.

Together, they would be an incredible detective.

"Alright," he said finally. He allowed himself a small smirk. "Then if it is my decision… I choose Near," Mello's face instantly fell, "and Mello," L finished. The look of disappointment on Mello's face changed to shock. "There is no way to tell which of these two is more intelligent. However, they would work perfectly together, theoretically."

"W-Work with Near?!" Mello exclaimed. "That's impossible! We hate each other!"

"It's fine with me," Near replied with a small shrug. "I also think we would work well together."

Enough was enough, Soichiro decided. "Ryuzaki has made his decision, so I think it would be best if you all _left_," he said firmly. "My son is still being held at the task force head quarters, which you have directions to. I think it would be best if you made good on your promise to see him safely to a mental institution, sir."

Roger looked insulted but he clenched his jaw against the harsh words that threatened to escape him. "… Alright then, our business here is concluded. Whammy's House will pay for the cost of L's hospital bills and after that, we will withdraw all connection with him." He turned his gaze to L. "This is goodbye then… Yagami Ryuzaki."

He turned and, despite Mello's objections, herded his charges out of the room. The door was shut firmly behind him.

For several minutes, L said nothing. His body was tense and his eyes were still wide as he stared at the closed door. Finally, he drew in a shuddering breath and hung his head, his uninjured hand clenching into a fist. Soichiro gently reached out to pat L's shoulder but he flinched away. "Don't touch me," he whispered harshly. "… Please don't touch me."

It was too much for L to handle, Soichiro realized. L had not been prepared to face something like this. He had probably never even considered the possibility of quitting his job. Soichiro was amazed that he had gone through with it and he couldn't help but wonder why. Was there a reason, other than a desire for freedom, why L would do this? Was there something L wasn't telling them?

"Shh," Soichiro soothed, drawing his hand away. "You're alright, Ryuzaki. You did what you had to do and I'm proud of you. Watari would be proud of you."

L's breath hitched, as though he was going to break down and cry it out. Soichiro silently prepared himself for it.

But no tears came.

~TBC


	11. Birds of a Feather

**Gilded Cage**

By Bluegrass Elf a.k.a. Haiku

A Death Note Fiction

Rated: M

Pairing(s): One sided Misa/Light, Nonconsensual Light/L, future Light/L

Warnings: Rape, Violence, MPreg

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note in any way, shape, or form. I do, however, claim the plot line of this story as my own. I don't mind if you use some of the elements in it, of course, but it will really irritate me if you blatantly copy my work. You're better than that. Don't do it.

I also make no claim on the lyrics of.

**Author's Note: **This chapter is shorter than I wanted it to be, honestly, but I hope you all won't mind. Things are finally starting to move in the direction I've been aiming for this whole time. And Misa's back, at long last.

**Birds of a Feather**

_Hold it together,_

_Birds of a feather,_

_Nothing but lies and crooked wings_

_I have the answer,_

_Spreading the cancer,_

_You are the faith inside me_

_No, don't leave me to die here,_

_Help me survive here alone_

_-__**Evil Angel, Breaking Benjamin**_

Light could hear footsteps echoing in the hallway that led to his room. He wondered if those footsteps belonged to his executioner. He had wondered that every time that someone came to check on him. L's words still haunted him, though he hated to admit it. Death could be right around the corner. In all likelihood, he would not survive the week. If he was really lucky, maybe he'd get a couple months while L sorted out the politics of it all but that was definitely the best case scenario.

L… Delicious, venomous L. Light could still taste L's mouth, could still feel how tight and warm L's body was. Pale skin, terrified eyes, tousled hair… L.

The footsteps paused just outside the door. Light's body grew tense as he waited, praying it was Aizawa or Mogi on the other side. He heard the jingle of keys, the lock turning, and then the door began to slowly open.

It took a moment for Light's eyes to adjust to the light that flooded into the cell. When they did, he was not greeted by the familiar sight of one of the task force members. Instead, an old man that Light had never seen before stood in the doorway, staring in at him with hard, sharp eyes that peered out of his wrinkled face as though they could see right through his soul.

"Yagami Light," the old man spoke. His voice sounded tired but it also sounded harsh and critical. "You have done a lot of damage, to be so young."

Light's lips twisted upwards in a vicious smirk. "You've come to kill me?" he asked. Of course that was why the man was there. Light could see in his old, tired face that he wanted to. The man desired revenge. "Go ahead then. I won't beg for my life."

The old man said nothing and Light's heart skipped a beat. Could he really let himself be killed without objecting? Without begging? He didn't want to die. Oh God, he didn't want to die…

"…No," the man spoke finally with a sigh. "I have not come to kill you. And you can thank L for that."

* * *

"_Did you really think you could escape me, L?"_

_L shivered and curled himself as tightly as he could into the corner. No, he hadn't thought that he could escape. For some reason, he hadn't thought he could escape since Light had first raped him. That violation had broken things. L's entire system had crashed. He needed to be repaired. He had work to do but he couldn't perform to his full potential with Light's virus slowly killing him from the inside out._

_He was thinking of himself as a machine again. He wondered how many people thought of him like that. Was he a tool? Was he a person to the world or just a letter on a screen and a distorted voice? _

"_Don't touch me," he said when Light came closer. His heart pounded in his chest. Even though he'd told Light not to, Light touched him anyway. "It's not fair," he whispered as Light's fingers brushed his cheek. Light suddenly gripped his arms painfully, fingers digging into L's tender flesh. "It's not fair!" he said louder. "You can't do these things to me! I am L!"_

"_Not anymore," Light whispered, his mouth coming closer to L's face. "Yagami Ryuzaki..."_

L awoke with a gasp, his eyes snapping wide open. He stared up at the hospital ceiling, panting and gasping as he fought to catch his breath. _A nightmare, _his brilliant mind instantly explained but he was still paralyzed with fear. It had seemed so real.

This was a symptom he could easily recognize. Trauma victims often relived the trauma in their minds. However, recognizing the symptom didn't help him calm down. Knowing the problem usually helped him solve said problem but not this time.

He shivered and drew his blanket up a little further. The initial shock of the dream was starting to wear off now, thankfully, but it left him feeling sick to his stomach. He wanted to shower, to try and rid himself of the feeling of Light's hands. Every time he thought about Light, he felt unclean. But he couldn't leave the bed to bathe. Not only would his injured hand hinder any attempts to clean himself but his ribs were also still healing. Even though he didn't like it, he knew it was a bad idea to move around before the doctors said it was safe.

If only there was something to distract him. Soichiro had gone home for a while and L was left on his own with nothing to do but think. Usually this was not a problem for him. One of his favorite things to do was sit by himself and think. However, he couldn't seem to think about anything but the recent events. He wanted to push it all as far back in his mind as possible but he just couldn't let himself forget about it, even for a short time. He was programmed to learn from his failures; to analyze every misstep he made and figure out how to do things better the next time around.

His uninjured hand rested lightly on his stomach. The pregnancy was another thing he was worried about. He couldn't believe he'd been so foolish as to actually cut ties with Whammy's House! Soichiro supported his decision but Soichiro did not understand the consequences of L's actions. The baby would require medical attention and, given the circumstances, a great deal of effort to keep it hidden. It would have been easy for the House to keep L's pregnancy from the public eye. Without their help, however, L was likely to be found out quickly.

Perhaps he could perform an abortion on himself. He could easily find the simplest, safest way to go about it but…he didn't really want to kill the baby. It was selfish and illogical but he wanted to keep something for himself. There was no higher authority looming over him now, threatening the child's existence. If he was smart, he could figure out how to keep it. Worst case scenario, he could hide himself away and give birth without assistance. He wondered if he'd be able to manage that. It might be best if he had some assistance. Soichiro would probably help L hide and help him with the birth. But what if there was a complication of some sort? What if the baby died?

No, he couldn't think about all that right now. Light, the baby, Whammy's House, Watari… it all needed to be put aside for now. He needed to recover right now. He needed to think "happy thoughts."

* * *

It had been too long. Misa was getting worried now. No matter how many times she called Light's cell phone, there was no answer. Had something happened to him? What if he'd been in an accident? Or worse, what if he'd been caught? Unable to handle waiting for him like this, she did the only thing she could think of. She called the Yagami household.

Sayu answered the phone with a soft, unusually subdued, "Yagami desu."

"Sayu-chan?" Misa replied brightly, slipping easily into her cheerful, friendly persona. "This is Misa-Misa! Is Light-kun there? I haven't heard from him in a while and I haven't been able to contact him on his cell phone! I'm worried. He's not hurt, is he?"

The young girl on the other end of the line whimpered and Misa's heart leapt into her throat. "Misa-chan… Light… he… they arrested him. They… they think he's Kira. He hurt that guy that Dad was working for. I saw him in the hospital. I just can't believe that Light would do that…"

Misa's eyes grew wide. Light had been caught! And Ryuzaki was in the hospital! Why hadn't Light killed Ryuzaki like he promised? No doubt it was Ryuzaki's fault Light had been captured. "Light… Light hurt Ryuzaki?" she stuttered in return, playing the part of the horrified friend and girlfriend. "I don't understand… Light would never hurt Ryuzaki! They were so close! Oh no, I can't believe this is happening! Oh, Sayu-chan, can you tell me what hospital Ryuzaki is at? I have to go visit him!"

"O-Of course," Sayu sniffled. "I'm sure you wanna' see him. Was he your friend too? I hope he's okay."

The blonde's eyes narrowed. Ryuzaki… he was to blame. She wouldn't let him get away with it.

* * *

Misa walked down the hospital hall with an air of confidence and determination about her but her cheeks were streaked with tears; tears for Light, who had stolen her heart and refused to give her anything in return. Tears for the boy who had surely been her one and only.

She stepped into L's room and quietly shut the door before turning her eyes on the battered form that lay in the bed.

His eyes were opened slightly but glazed over from sleep and the drugs being pumped into him. He'd no doubt been roused when she opened the door. For a long moment neither of them said anything at all. Finally, L's mouth twisted upwards in the tiniest of smiles that looked so… sad. Weren't smiles supposed to be happy?

"Amane-san," he greeted; his voice hoarse and scratchy. "You came to see me."

She was frozen in place. His name, it was right there: L Lawliet. She should write it down and be done with it. But Ryuzaki – no, his name was L – looked so very, very sad. She had never seen a person so hurt, so damaged as L was right now. To her horror, she felt tears prickling in her eyes.

_Damn it, Light! This is not how it's supposed to be! You're not supposed to… to get caught and leave me here to face this… _

"… Light's sister said that Light hurt you," she said softly. Her delicate hands fisted in the material of her skirt, showing her discomfort with this situation. "I thought Light had killed you."

"You've come to finish the job," L said with no question in his tone. He knew her plans. Of course he did, he was a genius. There was not any hope of Misa outsmarting L. Outsmarting people was what he did for a living and what did she do? She was a model. What a career for a murderess.

She stepped forward and, without thinking, reached out her hand. "Ryuzaki-kun, I… I am not a bad person." He only watched her, no response. "… Will you tell me what Light did?"

"He raped me," L replied without hesitation or emotion. Misa's heart clenched. Her immediate reaction was to yell at the detective for telling lies about her love. She didn't even know if he was being truthful or not, she could never tell whether or not he was lying. "Ask Doctor Yamakawa," L continured, "if you want proof." There was just the slightest hint of bitterness in his tone.

Misa raised her hand to her mouth in dismay. "Why would he do that?" she asked helplessly, crestfallen. "Light… he said he was protecting people. He wanted to stop this sort of thing. I don't understand…"

"Would you like an explanation?" L's words were laced with venom. Misa took a step back. She'd never heard him angry before. He glared at her with his wide, black eyes peering at her like they could see into her soul. "You always thought he was so wonderful. He's not. He wants to control and he wants to be the center of attention. And you have no idea the lengths he is willing to go to. He killed…" L's voice faltered and the intimidating anger seemed to seep out of him, slowly being replaced by the sadness from before. "… Watari… He doesn't even regret it." He gripped the bed sheets with his uninjured hand. "He said he _loved _me. After _raping _me and killing Watari, he had the nerve to say that to me. That is how much value there is in his love, Amane. You would do well to forget he ever existed."

His words cut like knives. It wasn't just because of what he was saying; it was the _way he was saying it_. He had always been so blank. She had never seen him afraid or angry or upset. At most, she'd seen him amused or annoyed. But every word he spoke now was full of passion and hurt. "I… I don't…" Despite the pain she could see on his face and the bandages he'd been wrapped in… she couldn't believe that Light had done this. "Light wouldn't do this!"

L stared at her for a moment, his expression hard and tense. But slowly, the lines in his face faded and he turned his gaze away from her. He released his grip on the bed sheet and lifted his hand to his throat.

"Is this yours?" he asked quietly, drawing something from under his hospital gown.

Her eyes grew wide at the sight of the familiar gold pendent. "My mother's necklace!" she exclaimed. "How did you get that?! I lost it when Light and I were on a date!"

"He gave it to me," L replied wearily. He fumbled with the latch on the necklace and held it out to her when it finally came undone. "I had a feeling it might be yours. You and I seem to be the only people he is comfortable with stealing from."

Misa took the necklace from his gingerly, holding the precious item with trembling fingers. "He… He was the only one who could have taken it… Why would he give it to you?"

She saw him shiver at the question. His eyes closed and he shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it. If you're here to kill me, you should just do it already." He opened his eyes again to stare blankly at the wall. "Go ahead and kill me."

"R-Ryuzaki…" she stuttered. He almost sounded like… like he wanted her to kill him. This was all wrong. He was supposed to be brave and triumphant because of the victory he had achieved over his enemy. Misa had always had such a glorious image in her head of L and Kira, battling it out for humanity. God and Satan locked in an eternal struggle.

That image was falling apart. God was defeated, captured, and Satan was lying in a hospital bed with his spirit broken. Her fingers curled around the golden pendant. "Ryuzaki, I can't…"

"Then get out of here!" Suddenly he was full of fight again. He pushed himself painfully into a sitting position and his eyes spat fire at her. "If you don't have it in you to finish what he started, then just get out of here!"

She backed up, flinching at his angry tone. "H-Hey… calm down…" she started.

"Out!" he bellowed.

"…Okay." She left the way she'd come.

* * *

L waited until her footsteps faded into nothing. Only then did he breathe a sigh of relief. Gingerly, he lowered himself back down on his bed and tried to relax. Barely noticeable, tremors were running through his body. He'd been unprepared for that confrontation. He hadn't expected it. And now he wondered why she hadn't killed him. Perhaps she would soon. She didn't have to be in the same room as him to kill him.

He didn't know why he'd urged her on. It had been a spur of the moment sort of thing. Yet another thing he'd never been particularly prone to before… There had to be something seriously wrong with him. He kept making such a mess of things. He shifted in the bed. A wet, sticky feeling between his legs alerted him to another problem.

His fingers trembled as he pressed the button for the nurse.

"Yagami-san, what's wrong?" the nurse asked when she peered into the room. L's stomach churned slightly at the name. "Are you in pain?" she continued, noticing the grimace on his face.

"No," he replied, shaking his head. "Or rather, I am of course still in pain but that is not the problem. I seem to bleeding again."

"Bleeding? Where?" The nurse entered the room and closed the door behind her. "Has one of your wounds reopened?"

L sighed when he realized that he'd forgotten she didn't know he'd been raped. "Is Doctor Yamakawa around?" he asked instead of bothering to explain the situation to her. He didn't _want _to tell her why he was bleeding. Yamakawa already knew.

"Well, he is but…" The nurse looked hesitant. L understood but he needed the doctor. "Really, I could probably take care of the problem," she tried to reason with him.

"No," L replied, shaking his head. "I want Doctor Yamakawa, please. Now." He didn't leave any room for argument. She took the hint and nodded briefly before scurrying out of the room. Alone again, L breathed a sigh of relief.

Some ten minutes later, Yamakawa entered the room. He made sure to close the door before offering L a smile. "Yagami-san," he greeted. "The nurse said you wanted to see me. Something about bleeding?" L nodded. "I see," Yamakawa murmured. "Well, as I told you yesterday, the bleeding is probably going to persist for a while. It's not dangerous to your health, as long as it isn't heavy bleeding. But let's get you cleaned up."

L raised his thumb to his lips and chewed at it nervously. He really hated being so helpless. Yamakawa was a very understanding individual (and very patient) but L still felt disgusting, having to ask for his assistance. And despite Yamakawa's reassurance, the bleeding was still making him extremely nervous.

"Doctor…" he murmured. "If… I was female and, hypothetically, if I were pregnant… would the bleeding be more of an issue?"

Yamakawa blinked, surprised by the question. "…It would depend on how much bleeding there was," he admitted. "Bleeding isn't uncommon in pregnancies, though. That's a very odd question to ask, Yagami-san."

"Just curious," L replied softly. "If I were to tell you a secret, would you be able to keep it?"

"I would have to keep it," Yamakawa replied. "Is there something you would like to tell me? About the attack, perhaps? It's good to talk about it."

L bit down on his thumb, eyes turning up to the ceiling as he considered whether or not he could trust the man. The truth was that he needed a doctor if he wanted to keep the baby. He'd thought long and hard about it but the only choice seemed to be to try and find someone who would keep his secret. "When I ask if you can keep a secret, I am talking about a very big secret," he told the man, turning his gaze to focus on him. "A secret that could compromise my safety if it were told to someone else."

"… I would never intentionally cause harm to you, Yagami-san." Yamakawa chose his words carefully. "I am here to help you in any way that I can."

He was very sincere, L noted. The detective weighed the pros and cons briefly. "… Doctor Yamakawa, I believe that I am pregnant," he finally murmured, "and I would like it if you could do a pregnancy test for me."

For a moment, there was silence. The doctor stared at L with wide, incredulous eyes and L stared back at him evenly, willing the man to believe him. "…How did you reach this conclusion?" Yamakawa finally asked. "Yagami-san, if this has anything to do with your being a hermaphrodite, let me assure you that the likelihood of your female anatomy being active is extremely low. Unless you have always had, say, a menstrual period that you failed to mention before?"

L saw his chance and seized it. "I was embarrassed," he told the doctor, making his voice sound timid and unsure. "It… it isn't normal for men and I…" Just the right amount of fear there at the end. He averted his eyes from the doctor's face to add to his act. "… Even if there is no chance, I would appreciate a test being done so that I don't have to worry about it."

"…Okay, well, blood tests aren't reliable until about ten days or more after conception," Yamakawa murmured, though he still sounded bewildered. "Would I be correct in assuming that you don't want anyone else to know about this?" L nodded his head curtly. "In that case, your secret is safe with me. But we'll give it another week before we test. Will that work?"

"Perfectly," L agreed, relaxing a great deal now that the problem of finding a trustworthy doctor had been taken care of. He leaned his head back against his pillow and sighed softly in relief. Perhaps it was foolish to trust Yamakawa with this when he'd only known the man for a few short days but it eased his mind to know that he didn't have to face things alone. At the very least, he wouldn't have to throw himself down a flight of stairs to kill the child inside of him.

* * *

"Back again?"

L was not impressed or surprised when Misa turned up in his hospital room again the next day. He did wonder what she wanted. After all, she had his name now. She could easily kill him with her Death Note without ever leaving her apartment.

"Why haven't you had me arrested?" she demanded, getting straight to the point. She was even more of a mess today than she had been on her last visit. Her hair was a mess; clearly she hadn't brushed it at all. What little makeup she had on was the remnant of the previous day and was still streaked and smudged from tears. She wasn't dressed up in one of her usual outrageous outfits today either. Instead she wore a simple pair of jeans and a T-shirt with a band name emblazoned across the front; normal, everyday wear that people usually threw on when they didn't want to spend too much time thinking about it.

From the midst of her worn and ragged face, her brown eyes stared at him, demanding answers. He could tell by the worry lines etched into her normally picture perfect face that she had probably been up all night thinking about the avalanche of information she'd been bombarded with. She wasn't stupid, despite how she normally tried his patience.

"You have a reason for everything," she continued, sounding far less like the infatuated child that he'd met her as and more like the woman she probably was when no one else was around; Clever, calculating, and ruthless. "I paid attention, you know, when I was staying in your building. You are so _weird_ and creepy but you always have a reason for it! So I need to know why I'm not in the same place as Light right now."

"Weird and creepy?" he muttered, frowning. "You know, I could have you barred from this room if I wanted. Doctor Yamakawa says I need to rest. You are hindering the healing process, Amane-san."

Her face turned red with anger and frustration. "Damn it, Ryuzaki, I don't _care_! You owe me answers! You took Light away from me without even giving me the chance to say goodbye and I want to know-"

"Oh, do shut up," L cut her off, rolling his eyes. "I don't owe you anything, Amane-san. If we're going to play that game, I should think it would be me that is owed something and that you're the one doing the owing. Luckily for you, I am willing to excuse your debt entirely in return for your immediate departure."

"Ryuzaki, that's not fair!"

"What do you want from me?!" L snapped, suddenly just as angry as she was, despite how hard he'd tried to hold it back. His temper had been significantly shorter since the warehouse. He just couldn't deal with this sort of thing lately. "I don't know! I suppose I should turn you in but I haven't and I don't know why. I recommend that you leave before I change my mind!"

Immediately, Misa yanked the Death Note out of her purse and flipped it open. "I'll kill you," she hissed, tensed up like a frightened wild beast, ready to strike in self-defense if need be. "You think I have a problem with killing you? I don't even like you. You're lucky you're not dead already!"

L froze, realizing that he'd pushed her too far. She was a very real threat, no matter how harmless she tended to appear, and he had momentarily forgotten that. "… Amane-san, what do you hope to accomplish by killing me?" he questioned, forcing himself to calm down.

"You sent Light away!" she replied, eyes glinting red like Light's had sometimes done. A shiver ran down L's spine. "I hate you! You need to die, Ryuzaki! You… You… How could you…?"

The Death Note slipped from her hands and L noticed then that her hands were trembling. She stared down at it but made no move to retrieve it. "I'm alone again," she said, her voice soft and insecure. "Now that he's gone, there's nobody…"

He understood the feeling.

Slowly, she bent and picked up the Death Note, tucking it back into her purse. "I should kill you," she mumbled, turning away. "I will… I swear I will, Ryuzaki. Just… I need to think about things."

She left the way she came but L knew, somehow, that she would be back. Whether or not she would actually kill him, however, was yet to be seen. And he simply did not have the strength to fight her.

**TBC**


	12. A Bird in the Hand

**Gilded Cage**

By Bluegrass Elf a.k.a. Haiku

A Death Note Fiction

Rated: M

Pairing(s): One sided Misa/Light, Nonconsensual Light/L, future Light/L

Warnings: Rape, Violence, MPreg

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note in any way, shape, or form. I do, however, claim the plot line of this story as my own. I don't mind if you use some of the elements in it, of course, but it will really irritate me if you blatantly copy my work. You're better than that. Don't do it.

I also make no claim on the lyrics of Decode, by Paramore.

**Author's Note: ** Yes, this took ages. But finally, finally, I'm out of school for the summer and I actually made decent grades. Whoo! So enjoy your new chapter, guys. This is a special one.

**A Bird in the Hand**

_How can I decide what's right_

_When you're clouding up my mind?_

_I can't win_

_You're losing sight_

_All the time_

_Not gonna ever own what's mine_

_When you're always taking sides_

_But you won't take away my pride_

_No, not this time_

_**-Decode, Paramore**_

"Are you making a trend of this?" L asked when Misa returned the next day. "This is the third day you've come here to threaten to kill me, you know, and you still haven't done so." He was pushing his luck a little by taunting her but he felt fairly safe in doing so. She was obviously hesitant to kill him, though he wasn't sure why.

Today Misa looked a lot more composed. She'd dressed herself up again, all decked out in black lace and ruffles. "I have my reasons," she told him. "I still have questions for you."

"More?" L groaned and rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. When was this girl going to leave him alone? He had half a mind to have her arrested just to get rid of her obnoxious presence.

"Yes, more!" Misa snapped in return, her eyes hardening. She took the Death Note out of her purse and opened it. "And you will answer all of them or I'll write your damned name down, _L Lawliet_."

This was enough to knock the sarcasm out of L. He pushed himself into an upright position and regarded her with a much more sober expression. "… Very well then, Amane-san."

"Where is Light?" she demanded immediately, cutting right to the chase. It wasn't like her to be so no-nonsense; L was caught off guard.

He sighed softly and considered for a moment whether or not to tell her the truth. On one hand, if she knew he had spared Light perhaps she would feel more considerate towards him. On the other hand, if she thought he was alive there was a good chance she would go looking for him.

"… I arranged for Light to spend the rest of his life comfortably in an asylum affiliated with my superiors," he finally responded. "If it brings you any comfort, he will not suffer at all and his life will be spared. Personally, I think it's more than he deserves."

She seemed relieved but his last comment made her hackles rise defensively. "Don't speak of him that way," she snarled. "I don't care what he did to you or what you _think _he did to you, he is above you! And he defeated you, he _won_."

"He was foolish and he _lost_," L snapped in response but her words hit him hard. Who was the real winner in this? L certainly didn't feel like he'd won anything. And Light was on his way to being detained in an asylum, so L doubted he could be considered a hero either. It definitely wasn't a draw. Maybe they had both lost? "Did you have any other questions," he murmured. He was starting to grow tired again. These encounters with Misa always left him drained.

The girl only stared at him for moment, looking a little less angry now. Perhaps she'd caught the note of fatigue in his tone. Perhaps that was wishful thinking. "… Will you arrest me, Ryuzaki?" she questioned and she might not have heard how tired he was but he heard the hint of fear in her voice. He felt guilty suddenly and reminded himself that Misa wasn't much older than Light. All this time, he'd been battling children.

"… Not unless Kira begins killing again," he replied, offering her a way out. "If Amane-san does not have a Death Note and no more criminals are killed, I don't see what basis I could have to having you arrested. Wouldn't you agree?"

Her face brightened a little but she still looked wary. "Why are you doing this for me?" she questioned skeptically.

"… Didn't you say we were friends, Amane-san?" he questioned, furrowing his brow. "I guess I'm trying to be a good friend." Unlike some people, he thought darkly. "Friends look out for each other, don't they?"

The look on her face said that she hadn't been expecting that. Her cheeks colored slightly and she slowly closed her Death Note and returned it to her bag. "I think that's all the questions I have for you today," she said softly, rising from her seat. She paused as she reached the door and glanced over at him. "… I'll hide the Death Note somewhere safe," she promised, much to L's surprise.

This time after she was gone, L didn't feel quite so worn out. In fact, for the first time in a while L felt a little better.

--

She was back again the following day and L was not at all surprised. When she showed up in the doorway this time, however, she was dressed in bright, happy colors and a cheerful smile adorned her face. "I brought donuts, Ryuzaki!" she announced, displaying the box of colorfully decorated treats that she held in her hands. She skipped into the room and carefully closed the door, looking around to make sure that no nurses or doctors were nearby. "Hush," she warned. "They might not be happy that I brought you sweets."

L was numb with shock as he watched her set the donuts down and open the box. "Which one do you want?" she questioned. "They've all got chocolate filling in them. I didn't know if you liked jelly or custard but I thought that chocolate would be a safe bet."

"Ah… Chocolate is fine… I'll take the strawberry one, I guess," he replied, unsure of how to respond. Should he thank her? Should he suspect a trap?

"Good choice!" she chirped, taking out the strawberry iced donut. "Here you go!"

Carefully, he took the donut in his uninjured hand and raised it to his mouth. His eyes slid closed in bliss when he bit into the delicious treat. A few more bites later, he had devoured it all and was a great deal happier.

"Can I ask what brought this on?" he questioned, licking the icing off of his fingers. "Not that I'm complaining; it's just slightly unsettling to switch from fearing for my life to eating donuts."

She beamed at him in response. "You said it yesterday, Ryuzaki," she replied. "We're friends, remember? And friends look out for each other. I know they probably haven't been giving you any sweets here. How are you supposed to get better if you're not totally comfortable, huh?"

Well, that made sense… in a strange, messed up way. L was more than a little thrown off balance by all this. It was like Misa's personality had completely changed again. Gone was the serious, sharp witted woman that he'd known for only a few days. The innocent, happy girl that he'd become acquainted with before was back.

"Want another?" she asked, offering a second donut to him. He took it from her, never one to turn down sweets. His appetite, which had been severely diminished in the last week, was quickly returning to him. A warm feeling filled him as he munched happily on the sweet. This, he decided, was definitely what having a friend should be like.

He leaned back against his pillows after he'd finished the second donut and allowed a tiny, genuine smile of gratitude to cross his face. "I don't really know why you did it, Amane-san, but… thank you. I think I needed that."

"Oh, Ryuzaki, you're so sweet," she cooed at him, just like she'd done the first day that they met. L felt heat rise to his cheeks. People didn't often say those sorts of things to him. He couldn't tell if she was being truthful or not but it was nice to think that she really thought that about him. "I've always liked you," she continued brightly. "You're so strange and quirky but I think that's what's best about you. So, I want to be friends with you. That is, if you still want to be friends with me, after everything that's happened."

"I am still willing to be your friend, Amane-san," L murmured, slightly awed. "Even though you and I have many differences of opinion, I do enjoy your company… to an extent, anyway."

She poked her tongue out him in return. "I don't think we're that different, Ryuzaki. I mean, yeah, we're different people. I like dressing up and you like, err… well, whatever it is that you like. But we have similarities, you know? We both believe in justice."

"We have entirely opposite views of how justice should be perceived," he argued.

"Not really," Misa replied, shaking her head. "We both take it into our own hands. Admittedly, I guess you and Light have a lot more in common than we do but, still…"

L sighed and shook his head. "It doesn't matter if we have anything in common," he decided softly. "I don't really feel like talking about justice anyway."

The blond nodded solemnly. "… If it helps… he lied to me too," she murmured. "I know it hurts." She looked down at her knees, her delicate hands gripping her skirt. "It was really hard for me to consider your feelings, at first. But even though I'm so selfish, Ryuzaki, I… I always knew. I knew that you and Light… that you were connected in ways that he could never connect with me. So it must hurt you even more than it hurts me."

His dark eyes widened to the size of saucers as she spoke and fresh pain filled him. She was right; it did hurt. It shamed him to realize that he had thought highly of Light, even though he suspected Light's guilt. He had thought that Light was an honorable person, a good person, with good intentions. "I…" His mouth felt dry. "I thought that he respected me," he admitted quietly. "I respected him."

"He did respect you." Misa looked up at him, her brown eyes sincere. "I know he did, really. I don't know why he… why he changed…"

A moment passed in silence because neither of them knew what to say to the other. Neither of them understood why, indeed, Light had won them both over, only to betray them like this.

"…I think," Misa spoke up finally, "that we shouldn't worry about it. You definitely shouldn't. You should rest." She stepped over to him and drew the thin hospital sheets up around him. "I'll be back tomorrow, okay?"

Then, to his surprise, she lifted her hand and gently patted the top of his head. "I'm sorry, Ryuzaki," she murmured before she hurried out of the room again.

--

The fifth time Misa came to visit, L had begun counting down the days until the blood tests could be done to show whether or not he was pregnant. He was feeling excited and anxious, anticipating finally having a definitive answer. As a result, he was in a talkative mood when the girl showed up with a box of chocolates for him.

"I always liked this brand," he told her cheerfully as he helped himself to the sweets. "I've only had them a few times. It's hard to have chocolate shipped; it often arrives melted, which is just a shame, so I usually only buy locally from wherever I'm based at the time."

Misa watched him with an amused expression. "You have chocolate all over your face, Ryuzaki," she remarked with a giggle. "Oh, and I saw those panda cookies you like. I'll stop and get some of those for you tomorrow."

"You really don't have to do this, Amane-san," L said through a mouthful of chocolate. "But I suppose I can't keep you from doing it." This, in essence, meant that he really didn't want her to stop. It was just polite to tell her that she didn't have to. He licked fingers and lips, his tongue searching out the last remnants of the delicious chocolate.

"It's alright, I don't mind." Misa moved to take a seat beside L's bed. "Hasn't anyone else come to visit you, Ryuzaki? I never run into anyone."

L nodded quickly. "Yagami-san comes every evening," he explained. "Matsuda also visited a couple of days ago but he left quickly. I suspect that he feels guilty over my being in the hospital but I told him not to worry about it."

Misa fell silent, much to L's disappointment. She was usually so talkative, to the point of being annoying, and he had been counting on her to provide him with conversation. However, it seemed like she was feeling just as awkward around him as Soichiro and Matsuda. He was getting very tired of it. These were the people he was going to have to rely on. Were they always going to walk on eggshells around him?

He sighed and let his head flop backwards against his pillow. It wasn't that he really craved company. He was used to being alone most of the time. But he needed something to keep his mind occupied. If he wasn't constantly thinking and working his brain, he became bored quickly. Being stuck in this bed, rendered practically motionless, was driving him crazy and he was desperate for anything, anything at all, to distract him.

--

"Would you like to take a walk today, Yagami-san?" Yamakawa asked the next day. When L's eyes widened in surprise, the doctor quickly amended, "I mean would you like to go for a walk in a wheelchair?"

L's face fell slightly but he nodded nonetheless. He was desperate to get out of bed; it was driving him crazy to be stuck in one place. "Can we go outside?" he asked hopefully as the doctor helped him into a wheelchair, mindful of his IV.

"I suppose so," the doctor responded with a small smile. "Fresh air could do you some good. You're far too pale, Yagami-san."

L thought to himself that Yamakawa was a little on the rude side for being Japanese.

"I never did go outside much," he remarked as they left the hospital for a stroll around the parking lot. It wasn't the most thrilling walk L had ever been on. Then again, he'd walked in some of the most beautiful places in the world, despite the fact that he didn't go outside much. But he wished there was some grass and a few more trees here. The cars and crowds of people made him nervous.

"Do you have plans for the future?" Yamakawa questioned, striking up friendly conversation. "What's your major?"

"Criminal justice," L said easily because that one would be the easiest for him to fake. "I haven't thought about what I'll do." Which was true; he didn't know what he was going to do with his life. Spend it raising a child, he supposed, but how would he support himself?

He didn't have a college degree because he'd never needed one. He didn't have people skills because he'd never needed them. Wammy's House had never prepared him for anything outside of being L. As much as he disliked the thought, Watari had been part of that. Now L was left helpless and floundering about in the deep end when he didn't even know how to swim.

"I'm sure you'll figure something out," Yamakawa remarked. "Have you thought about becoming a detective?"

"Yes," L replied. "But then I decided it wasn't really the career for me."

--

This was the day; the day L finally learned the answer to the question that had been plaguing him. L held his arm out for the needle willingly this time without a trace of the fear he'd shown that first time. In truth, he was not very bothered by needles. His panic that first time had been mostly driven by the trauma he'd gone through such a short time before.

He watched the blood travel from his arm and into the syringe with curiosity. "How long until you'll know the result?" he questioned, glancing up at the doctor.

Yamakawa gently removed the needle. "I'll push for it to get done today," he replied. "You should know by tonight, if not sooner. I'm also going to do some scans and see what we can find out about your anatomy. Have you ever had yourself examined?"

"Not really," L replied, shaking his head. That was a lie, of course. Wammy's House made sure that he was in perfect health. He had two thorough exams a year. But then again, now his body was structured differently and _that_ had never been examined.

"I'll assume that you've never had a gynecological exam before either, other than the two you've received here," Yamakawa continued.

L frowned. "The two that I've had here?" He only remembered one, the one that been part of the rape kit they'd done the first time he was brought in.

The doctor glanced at L in surprise. "Yes, a second exam was conducted when you were brought this time," he explained. "You have to understand, Yagami-san, that we had to make sure you had not been raped a second time. You are quite lucky that you were not too severely injured before. That was pure luck, I believe."

"Ah… of course," L murmured but his skin crawled with discomfort. He didn't like the idea that they'd examined him while he was unconscious. The feeling was illogical, of course, since he should have been happy that they had been thorough and made sure that all of his injuries were tended to. He was getting frustrated with all these illogical feelings and illogical responses. He supposed it was probably easier for people of lower intelligence because _they _didn't have to deal with trying to make things work _right_. They could just feel these emotions and not feel like they were letting the whole world down.

Or maybe it was like this for everyone.

"Another week and you should be ready to go home," Yamakawa added, noticing the unhappy look on L's face. "… Things might get a little easier to deal with when you're back in a familiar environment." He tried to smile reassuringly but L could tell that he really didn't have a lot of experience with this sort of trauma and didn't know what to say. The poor man worried at his bottom lip, looking awkward, like everyone did lately. "I mean," he continued, "I'm sure you're feeling… down. But it's going to get better, you know?"

"You're really bad at this," L said simply. "I think talking to a professional would probably be more beneficial for me." At the doctor's shocked, affronted look, he grinned slightly. "Don't worry about it, Yamakawa-san. I'm told I can be too blunt sometimes but you shouldn't take offense. Not everyone's a psychiatrist."

A sharp, slightly nervous laugh escaped the doctor then. "I'm sorry, Yagami-san, it's just that… you're, umm…"

"Weird?" L supplied, his dark eyes bugging out slightly. "Yes, they tell me that."

"Let's get those scans, Yagami-san," Yamakawa replied softly but he smiled in return. "You're a good kid, you know?"

"I'm a selfish bastard," L replied blankly. "And everyone thinks I believe in justice but I've only ever done what I thought made me happy. I never cared about any of the people who think I'm some sort of hero. Right now, I'm letting other people suffer because I'm… a selfish bastard."

"…Yagami-san, I can go and get the crisis counselor if you need to talk," Yamakawa offered, looking slightly stunned and mostly uncomfortable.

L shook his head. No, he didn't want to talk to a stranger about this. He wasn't sure why he'd tried talking to Yamakawa about it; maybe because Yamakawa was a safe, caring individual who'd already proven that he had good intentions. "Sorry," he mumbled.

--

"I brought you the cheesecake you mentioned last time," Misa chattered as she set about taking things out of the white plastic bag she'd brought with her. The cheesecake (a rather mouthwatering specimen) was placed on the table beside L's bed. "And I brought this book, umm, it's some complicated thing that I found at a thrift store. I think it's in English?"

L took the book from her and smiled faintly at the title. "Yes," he replied, nodding. "It's called _Wuthering Heights._ I read it as a part of my schooling." He hadn't liked it then but perhaps he would try reading it again. It was kind of comforting to have it with him. He hadn't read English in a while. "English is my first language."

She smiled broadly. "Are you American? I always wanted to go to America. I got an offer to go and do a shoot in California. It paid really well but I… well, Light had already showed up."

"I'm British," L replied. "But I have been to California. What I saw of it was nice." What he'd seen of it mostly consisted of a hotel room and a bus stop.

"Oh," Misa deflated a little. Then she brightened again. "Are you from London, then?"

"Winchester," he corrected. "But I've been to London too. It's very loud."

Misa didn't seem much impressed by this. "I've never heard about Wenu… Wenucha… that place," she muttered, giving up on pronouncing the name. "Is it a nice place? Has anything interesting ever happened there?"

"Not really." L eyed the cheesecake, licking his lips. "Can I have some of that, then?"

Just as he spoke, the door to his room opened and Soichiro stepped in, closely followed by Sachiko. Both of them froze when the spotted Misa. Soichiro's face hardened into a scowl.

"Get out of here," he growled at her, his hands clenching into fists. "If you have done _anything _to him…!"

"I just brought him cheesecake!" Misa objected, eyes widening. "Ryuzaki is my friend and I wanted to be here for him. You have no right to make me leave!"

"I have every right to make you leave my son's room, Amane, and I would not recommend pushing me because I will not hesitate to have you arrested!" Soichiro fumed while Sachiko shrunk back slightly, looking a bit lost and lot worried.

"On what grounds?" Misa demanded, scowling. "I haven't done anything wrong! I've been visiting Ryuzaki every day for a week now and I haven't hurt him! Ryuzaki, tell him that he can't make me leave!" She turned to the detective with a furious expression.

L sighed softly. "Please, everyone calm down," he murmured. "No one is going to be arresting anyone. Yagami-san, Amane-san has been very kind to me these past few days and I have decided to allow her presence for the time being. If she wanted me dead, I already would be. Amane, please relax and don't yell."

"See?" Misa demanded of Soichiro, placing her hands on her hips and sticking her tongue out at him.

The chief didn't seem placated by this and he certainly wasn't amused by Misa. "Ryuzaki, this is completely foolish and unwise! The only reason Amane isn't in the same place as Light right now is because we don't have the evidence to prove that she was the second Kira and you're telling me to just let her come and go as she pleases? Have you lost your mind?"

"Of course not, Yagami-san, please do not overreact so badly." L rubbed his head with his palms. Were they all totally nuts? Did they really have to indulge in this pointless argument right here in his hospital room? "If none of you are going to behave maturely, feel free to take your argument outside. I don't feel like being subjected to it."

"Yagami-san, the test results are back!" Yamakawa appeared in the doorway, holding up a chart. He blinked when he noticed all of the people in the room. L fixed him with a firm glare. "Ah… is now a bad time, then?" he questioned sheepishly.

"Yes, Yamakawa-san, now is a very bad time," said L, very blunt and to the point. He closed his eyes wearily, knowing that this was only going to get worse.

"What test?" Soichiro demanded, proving L's prediction true.

Yamakawa looked exceedingly uncomfortable as he looked around at the room's occupants. It was likely, he thought, that Ryuzaki didn't want any of them to know about the test but… well, with these particular results, his parents would have to learn eventually. "It's… Well, your son asked that we do a pregnancy test," he began to explain. He looked over at L. "Yagami-san, the results are positive. You were right, you are pregnant."

There it was. He was pregnant. L stared at the doctor, fighting to process that knowledge. He was really pregnant? It hadn't been a trick to mess with his mind? He was really…

"Pregnant?!" Misa exclaimed, her voice shrill and painfully loud.

"How is that possible?" Soichiro demanded; his face pale. "He's a boy!"

L said nothing. He just sat there; his uninjured hand gripped the bed sheets. He was pregnant…

"As you are aware, Yagami-san, your son is a hermaphrodite," Yamakawa tried to explain, shifting nervously. "He is capable of conceiving a child inside his body and very probably also capable of giving birth. His hips aren't as wide as a female's but they aren't too narrow." He glanced around at them all. "… May I have a word with Ryuzaki-san?" he asked politely.

"I… of course," Soichiro replied, gesturing for the doctor to come in. Yamakawa nodded to him and stepped into the room fully. The doctor smiled at L faintly as he took a seat beside his bed. Finally, L's eyes turned from the doorway to glance at Yamakawa, acknowledging his presence.

"You have a choice," Yamakawa began gently. "You can keep this child if you want to and you can probably carry it full term without any complications. As you know from earlier today, your anatomy is capable of sustaining a baby. But if that's not what you want, there's another option. You can have the fetus aborted."

It was too much. L felt like he was drowning. He was _pregnant_ and now he had to make that terrible, selfish decision that he'd been dreading and Soichiro and Misa _knew_. "I… I don't…" he began helplessly, almost wishing that Wammy's could still step in and take the decision out of his hands. "I can't take care of a baby," he whispered, eyes bugged out and his expression distressed. "What's… what's the right choice?"

"Maybe you should think about it for a few days," the doctor offered gently. "I… couldn't tell you what the right decision is. I don't think anyone could tell you that, to be honest."

L nodded and let his gaze turn to his lap. For a few moments there was nothing but silence. No one present knew what to do or what to say. "I suppose… I should probably abort it," L said at long last, though he still felt numb. "Regardless of my body's capabilities, the child deserves a caring home and I am not exactly the best candidate for that."

"Wait, Ryuzaki!" Soichiro suddenly exclaimed, causing L to look up at him in surprise. "Listen," Soichiro continued. "That's my grandchild. If you… if you don't want it, I understand. But don't think that it's completely unwanted because I… we… Sachiko and I could give the child a home."

"Are you… asking me to give birth and then surrender it to you?" L asked incredulously, staring at Soichiro. "I don't know…"

This situation was quickly escalating, Yamakawa realized. Ryuzaki looked terribly stressed, and for good reason. He certainly didn't need this decision shoved in his face right of the bat. "Listen, all of you; give him time to think about this!" he objected. "Perhaps everyone should leave for today. Ryuzaki-san needs his rest."

Soichiro and Sachiko both looked hesitant but finally nodded. "… Take your time, Ryuzaki," Soichiro murmured. "We'll come back again tomorrow to see how you're doing, alright?" L nodded slightly. "… It's alright," Soichiro murmured, forcing a tiny smile. "You'll be okay."

L didn't look up at them as they left. He didn't look up when Yamakawa's pager went off and the doctor quietly excused himself.

"Ryuzaki?"

Finally, L looked up. Misa looked back him, eyes full of questions.

"How?" she asked quietly.

He shook his head. What was he supposed to tell her? He couldn't even sort it out in his own head right now. "Please, Amane-san… not now. Can you… can you go now? Come back tomorrow. Now isn't…" His breath hitched slightly. "Now isn't a good time."

She nodded before fleeing the room, leaving L alone in the room. Alone with his thoughts, alone with that dreadful decision.

~TBC


	13. Drugstore Jesus

**Gilded Cage**

By Bluegrass Elf a.k.a. Haiku

A Death Note Fiction

Rated: M

Pairing(s): One sided Misa/Light, Non consensual Light/L, future Light/L

Warnings: Rape, Violence, MPreg

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note in any way, shape, or form. I do, however, claim the plot line of this story as my own. I don't mind if you use some of the elements in it, of course, but it will really irritate me if you blatantly copy my work. You're better than that. Don't do it.

I also make no claim on the lyrics of Drugstore Jesus, by Plumb.

**Author's Note: **I know this took forever to write. I apologize, guys, I hope it was worth the wait. The next chapter, L's getting a transvaginal ultrasound! 0.0 So keep your eyes peeled?

Oh, and also, for the last time – this is not L/Misa. You see up there at the top where it says that L and Misa are the main characters? Newsflash, main characters do not have to be in a relationship with each other. You guys, I've tried to just calmly explain this to all of the people who have asked but it's getting annoying. They won't have a relationship, end of story, okay? Don't ask me about it anymore.

**Drugstore Jesus**

_Take the blame for saving lives_

_You've got the sunset in your eyes_

_And you've got the glory on your mind_

_Your good intentions are hard to find_

_You're a drugstore Jesus_

_The miracle is gone_

_You're a drugstore Jesus_

_A saint for everyone_

_You've thrown your soul away_

_-__**Drugstore Jesus, Plumb**_

When he slept, L had nightmares again. They were dark, twisted, confusing dreams that seemed to consist of bits and pieces of trauma sewn together in skewed ways and they very seldom made any sense but L still got the gist of them. No matter how bewildering the dream might be, it always boiled down to the rape, leaving Wammy's, and being pregnant.

Several times, he'd woken up to hear himself whispering things desperately. Things like "Please don't" or "Help me." What unsettled him was that he wasn't always saying these things because he was dreaming about being attacked. Most often, it was the thought of his unborn child fixed firmly in his mind when he woke. The truth was that he didn't know what to do. He thought that maybe, just maybe, he wanted the baby. To combat this illogical feeling, he'd pointed out to himself that he wasn't capable of properly caring for it and that he didn't want to screw its life up. But then Soichiro had offered to take the child and had completely blown that argument out of the water. He couldn't say now that it wouldn't have a proper family to love it. And Soichiro and Sachiko had just lost their son; no doubt they wanted their grandchild, probably desperately so. They deserved the child if L didn't think he could take care of it.

But he was scared. More than anything, he was scared.

For the next week, as L recovered, the matter of the baby was carefully avoided. They were all more than a little worried that pressing the matter would stress him out and jeopardize the healing process. Still, they all did little things that L noticed. Misa stopped bringing only sweets; she brought healthier snacks now and lectured him about eating all of his meals so he could stay healthy. She was more attentive to his pains and needs. But L could tell that she wasn't looking after him just to be kind. That wasn't how Misa worked. She wanted the baby, probably as much as Soichiro and Sachiko did.

Sachiko brought in the Yagami family albums to show him and chattered on and on about the antics of her children when they were small. She would stare wistfully at pictures of Light in his younger days and comment on what a model child he'd always been. It was have hurt her deeply, L thought, to learn of Light's actions. It was brave of her to be here for L now. He wouldn't have blamed her if she'd wanted to stay away.

Finally, there was Soichiro. He talked almost constantly about how he only wanted to help and how he would support any decision that L made, provided it was healthy. The fact that he continuously mentioned this was enough to let L know what Soichiro wanted. There was no question that Soichiro really wanted to just demand that L keep the baby but he didn't. L supposed he should have been grateful for that.

The only thing was that now they seemed to have changed his options. It wasn't a matter of keeping the baby for himself or not anymore. It was like they had all decided that he definitely didn't want it, so it was either give the child to them or kill it. That wasn't fair, he thought. Didn't they realize that he'd quit being L for this baby? Didn't any of them understand how much _he_ wanted it?

He didn't want to be some sort of incubator for someone else's kid. That was what Light had wanted from him and that wasn't okay. It wasn't.

--

The trip to England was miserable for Light. The old man who called himself Clarence Nightingale was absolutely horrible. He saw to it that Light had what he needed to survive and nothing more. Light got the feeling that the man was close to L somehow, though he hadn't been told exactly who he was or who the two boys with him were.

Nightingale had been so unpleasant that Light was almost relieved to arrive at the hospital. The nurse who greeted them was a friendly elderly woman with brown curls that were steadily turning gray. She was about an inch taller than Light and continuously gushed about how "small and adorable" Light was. Understandably, he wasn't pleased by that but it was at least a relief that she didn't have a grudge against him like Nightingale did.

"Foursquare Place is the finest institution in England," the nurse, Mrs. Maureen, explained to him. "We do not believe in hate here, we only want to help anyone who comes through our doors. We're going to help you, Light, but you have to learn to let us in."

For the sake of making things easier on himself, Light pretended to go along with this. However, he was constantly thinking about the Death Note and about L. What were they doing with the Death Note? Would he be able to escape before he lost his memories of Kira? Was L really pregnant?

A week in Foursquare Place passed and Light was reduced to begging for information about the outside world. "Can't you just tell me about my family?" he asked Mrs. Maureen. "Anything about L? Please, what difference would it make? I can't leave here. I just want to know what's happening."

"I'm sorry, I have no connections with your family," she'd explained as gently as she could. "But I heard that L quit. I don't know why. No one knows anything except Mr. Nightingale."

The news that L had quit was a complete shock. Did that mean L was pregnant and trying to hide it? Or was L simply too traumatized to continue as the great detective?

So far in his confinement, Light had had two visitors. He didn't know their names and they hadn't come together but he thought they must be connected, somehow. They were the young boys who had been with Nightingale, a blond kid and a boy with hair so pale that Light almost thought it was white. More importantly, they had the same eyes. Light knew those eyes all too well. Cunning, mysterious orbs that sent shivers down his spine.

They had L's eyes.

--

The first steps that L had taken in two weeks were shaky and unsteady. He held on tightly to Soichiro as the man supported him and tried not to look at anyone as he fought to master his limbs once more. There was no permanent damage, Yamakawa had assured him, but he was weak from being immobile so long. Still, he was healing; physically, anyway.

"Don't push yourself too hard," Soichiro murmured gently. "Tell me when you start to lose strength. The wheelchair is right here when you need it."

L hated the insinuation that he would need the wheelchair before they got out to the car. He had no intention of using it because he knew that he could make it all the way. And with this conviction, his strength grew a little.

Not three weeks ago, walking would have been no problem for him; he would have been strong and capable. But that felt like a lifetime ago to L and he tried not to think about that old life and his old self as he struggled to place one foot in front of the other.

Suddenly, he faltered and stumbled forward. Soichiro was there, holding him up and then guiding him to sit down in the wheelchair, murmuring gentle reassurances to him. "No," L tried to object; too weak to climb back up but too stubborn to give in. "I want to walk. Please, I want to _walk_."

"You will," the man assured him gently and Sachiko murmured an agreement from her place behind the wheelchair. "You have to build up to that, Ryuzaki," Soichiro continued. "You did so well today; we're proud of you."

Ashamed, L turned his face away to stare at the tiled floor as it passed under the wheels of the wheelchair. He was sure that Soichiro's words were meant to be comforting but all he could think about was how he'd probably said that same thing to Light. Maybe after Light had been accepted with flying colors to his university? Probably a lot of times throughout Light's life. After all, Light was the model child.

He was at least allowed to climb into the backseat of the car by himself, immediately curling into a ball against the far door and ignoring the sympathetic look Soichiro gave him. His eyes squeezed shut when Soichiro shut the door. It felt like this was, somehow, the point of no return. Logically speaking, the point of no return had probably been the day that Light had first pushed him down on that bed and stripped away all of his defenses. He shuddered at the memory.

With his face pressed against the window, he opened his eyes slowly to stare out at the cars that passed them. People occasionally looked back at him from those cars, mostly small children who didn't understand the harm in staring. L had never once felt like he was one of those people; he had always been something better, something more important. Now, looking at them as they looked at him, he finally felt as small as everyone else.

Truth be told, he'd wanted to go back to the old head quarters. With Light gone, it was now the safest place that L could imagine and he desperately needed that safety. However, Soichiro had refused immediately when L had brought it up. Still weak and in need of assistance, there was no way L could be left on his own. But he wished that they would leave him on his own. Maybe he could just quietly die alone in his tower, not a burden to anyone and no longer in pain.

In the Yagami household, there was one bedroom that was empty. It had only been empty for a couple of weeks. Soichiro had practically carried L up the stairs to it, since climbing them was something that L's weak legs were just not ready for. "I know it's, umm… it might be uncomfortable for you," the man murmured as he helped L sit down on the bed. "This is all we have."

"It's fine," L replied softly as he looked around the room. It was so plain… boring. He'd seen it before, of course, on the surveillance cameras. Honestly, it suited him just fine. It was sensible, pragmatic. But it made him think about strong, unyielding hands and a threatening presence towering above him. "It's just a room."

--

He was supplied with a brand new laptop and internet access in his new room. Of course, he also had free range of the house but he seldom ventured out of his new hiding place. At mealtimes he came out because they wanted him to eat with them but he despised doing so because the meals were always awkward and silent, like his very presence was a dark cloud above their heads. He didn't want to make them uncomfortable but what could he do?

A knock came at his door while he sat perched in the desk chair, tapping at his laptop. He glanced up in surprise when the door creaked slowly open and a young, innocent face stared in at him. "Yes?" he asked softly, trying to keep his tone friendly. Yagami Sayu poked her head a little further into the room timidly.

"Umm… Ryuzaki-san?" she ventured softly. "Dad says you're really smart and… I've been having trouble with these math problems. I don't want to bother you but… would you mind explaining these problems to me? I'm really bad at math and… it helps me a lot when someone can explain it to me. Dad tried to help but he's really awful at explaining stuff like this and Mom's as bad at math as I am." She noticed the way that L was simply staring at her blankly as she spoke and took it to mean that he didn't want her around. "Umm, you know, that's okay, I can probably figure it out…"

"I'll help," L said sharply, stopping her from backing out of the door. "Light used to help you, didn't he?" That the obvious conclusion to come to, he thought. Obviously someone had always helped her before; else she wouldn't dare to ask him. "I'm sure it's not as hard as it looks. Bring it over here."

Hesitantly, Sayu inched over to him with her math books in hand. She watched him nervously out of the corner of her eye as she sat them out on the desk. "Umm, okay, so here's the part I don't understand," she said as she pointed to the problem she'd been working on. "Like, I looked up the right answer in the back of the book but I can't figure out how to get to it."

"Oh, it's simple," L replied immediately, picking up her pencil with his uninjured hand. He tucked his opposite arm protectively against his chest as he scribbled out the problem. "This goes here, which by default means that this will have to go over here. See?"

Sayu shook her head helplessly. "I just don't understand why it does that," she admitted.

Luckily, L was used to explaining things to people who weren't as smart as he was. "Look at this way," he began and dove into an explanation that soon had Sayu's head nodding in understanding as she watched him solve the problem piece by piece. "You see, it's really very simple," he concluded, handing her pencil back to her. "Do you understand it now?"

"Yeah… wow, Ryuzaki-san, you're really good at this!" A grin spread across Sayu's face as she gathered her books back up. "Thank you so much! Oh, umm, by the way… some friends of mine are going to the movies and I know you just stay up here most of the time. So, I mean, you could come with us if you want to."

To say L was shocked would be an understatement. He blinked at the girl as her offer really sank in. "I, uh… thank you, Yagami-san, but I'll have to pass," he murmured. The thought of going outside really made him sick to his stomach. Not that he would have wanted to attend a movie with a group of teenagers anyway.

The girl's face fell. "Oh, well, I kind of thought you'd say that," she admitted. "You… you really are a lot like him."

She didn't have to say who "he" was; L knew she was talking about Light, her brother. The detective's body tensed slightly and he let his eyes turn to the floor. "You are not the first one to say that," he replied, thinking back to what Misa had said in the hospital, about how he and Light had been able to relate to each other. "But I suppose it doesn't matter now."

"Well… well, you're a lot different, too," Sayu said quickly, realizing that she'd said the wrong thing. When L did not seem to be cheered, she sat her books back down on the desk. "Ryuzaki-san…"

L's eyes grew wide when he suddenly found the girl's arms around him. Sayu hugged him tightly, her pretty face contorted with unhappiness. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean to upset you. I guess it's just hard for me to think that he's really gone and… and I don't understand why he hurt you. I don't understand why he would hurt anyone. He was always so good to me and I just… it feels like he had to be controlled by something, you know? I mean…"

"I know," L said softly in return. Slowly, he lifted his arms and hugged her loosely back. "He was my friend for a while. I understand why his actions confuse you." After a moment, he pulled away from her. "You should go and enjoy yourself, Yagami-san. Don't worry about me. I'm used to spending my time alone."

The girl nodded and picked her books back up. "Alright, Ryuzaki-san, but… call me Sayu, okay?"

--

They were a kind, understanding family and L appreciated the efforts they were going to for him but he didn't like living in their house. It didn't matter if he shared their name now or how many times they told him he was welcome in their lives, he did not feel like part of their family. It was okay, as he didn't really want to belong in their world, much as he appreciated the offer. Part of him was starting to understand Light a little better. To live in the real world was absolutely infuriating and definitely boring. At Light's age, if he'd been in a similar situation with no outlet for his intelligence and sense of justice, he wondered where he would have ended up.

Of course, that wasn't very constructive thinking. L tried to push those thoughts to the back of his head while he worked on just maintaining a reasonably happy existence in the Yagami household. Life as Yagami Ryuzaki was certainly preferable to spending the rest of his life locked up, little more than Kira's personal whore. Constantly, he reminded himself that the Yagami family was doing him a favor. They could very easily have left him to his own devices. As much as he wished he was independent right about now, there was no way he could survive in this world without help. He just didn't know how.

It was late but L was still wide awake, of course, although lately he'd been feeling more fatigued than usual. He'd been reading online about all of the changes his body was likely to experience and was starting to get more than a little freaked out. For the last week, his chest had been tender to the touch. According to internet sources, this happened with women. However, L had deduced this to be because a female body would be preparing to nurse a child. The thought of _nursing_ horrified L like nothing else. He had decided that if it came to that, it would simply be the last straw for his masculinity.

As if that wasn't bad enough, morning sickness had set in now. Not that "morning" was an appropriate term for it. It struck whenever it took a notion, as far as L could tell, both randomly and when strong smells triggered it. Sachiko and Soichiro were insisting that he eat, and eat healthily at that, so L was doubly miserable. This pregnancy was only a little more than a month in and it was already almost more than he could bear.

His attention was drawn away from his laptop by an unusual tapping noise. He glanced over at the window, confused, only to be met with a much more surprising sight.

There, perched on his window ledge and tapping urgently against the glass, was a black lolita clad Amane Misa. L's eyes widened and his thumb dropped out of his mouth. What on earth was she doing in his window? Slowly, he stood up from his chair and made his way over to the window.

"Amane-san... how and why did you end up in my window?" he inquired as he opened said window, blinking at her curiously. Misa smiled at him, remaining on her perch.

"Well, it's late," she began to explain. "I climbed up the terrace. I didn't want to wake anyone up and... well, I have something very important that I have to discuss with you in private." She slid into the room and dropped her backpack, which she'd had slung over one shoulder, on the floor. From it, she drew her Death Note. "Ryuzaki, touch this," she instructed, her smile being replaced with a solemn expression.

Hesitantly, L lifted a hand and let his fingers rest briefly against the smooth black cover. "Amane-san, I don't understand the point -" he started to say but suddenly, he saw it. The great, hulking black shadow behind the blonde, grinning at him devilishly.

This time, it really was shock that caused L to fall hard on his backside.

"Amane-san... what is that?" he asked softly, his face ashen. "Another shinigami? Why have you brought that here?"

"This is Ryuk," Misa replied calmly, as though she had expected this sort of reaction from him. "He is always with me; he is attached to the one who possesses the Death Note, just as Rem was. I brought him with me because he knows about what Light did to you." She glanced over her shoulder at the dark god. "He says he'll tell you everything, just like he told me."

"Just remember, Misa-chan, you promised apples," Ryuk reminded her with an eerie chuckle. His eyes, large and yellow, locked on L with a curious gaze. He pointed a long, black finger at the detective. "You want to know, right? I gave Light the potion that did this to you."

L pulled him up off the floor and regarded the shinigami suspiciously. It certainly didn't surprise him to know that Ryuk had given the potion to Light. "You possessed Light for a time, then?" he questioned. "Why did you give him that potion? Where did it come from?"

"Yes, I possessed Yagami Light," Ryuk agreed, dipping his head forward in a nod. "He was most interesting. As for where the potion came from, I took it from the shinigami realm but it is hard to tell who made it. Probably humans at some point or another. I gave it to Light... because I wanted to see what he would do with it."

The way he said it pissed L off. It was like this whole thing was one big game to Ryuk, or some sort of television sitcom. He certainly didn't seem apologetic and L could see the malicious glint in the creature's eyes that warned him of how dangerous he was. "...Do you know _why_ he did it?" he asked nonetheless, trying to get as many answers as he could.

Ryuk shrugged his shoulders. "Well, I pointed him in the right direction. He was going to kill you, you know, and then the game would have gotten so boring. So I merely mentioned... how interesting it would be to see how intelligent a child of yours would be. He only needed to suggestion. Light can be very impulsive." He chuckled again and the sound sent chills down L's spine.

"Your plan backfired then," he remarked coldly, hoping to bite back at the creature. "The game is over entirely now. Light has been captured."

A sigh of disappointment escaped Ryuk. "Yeah, I was expecting him to last longer!" he agreed, seemingly downhearted. "Still, he lasted so much longer than most. His will was strong enough to keep him alive. Most humans kill themselves long before they get to this point. But he paid the price for surviving with the Death Note."

"What do you mean?" L questioned but Ryuk only grinned at him and refused to answer. Frowning, L decided to try a different question. "Where did he keep the Death Note? Why didn't my surveillance cameras reveal anything?"

The hideous grin on Ryuk's face spread even wider. "About the second question – I'll let you try to puzzle it out yourself. And as for where he kept the Death Note, well, the top drawer on his desk has a false bottom."

It was like being punched in the gut to L, to realize that it had been right under his nose the whole time. A false bottom in the desk drawer? He could have so easily checked that when having the cameras installed but he'd never thought... well, he had actually taken for granted that there were no hiding places in Light's room that could not be seen from the cameras. "A... false bottom?" he whispered, his eyes wide.

He whipped around to face the desk, eyes locking onto the top shelf. In an instant, he'd yanked it open and his hands were reaching for that false bottom when Ryuk's voice brought him to a sudden halt.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," the demon murmured, his voice dripping with amusement.

L slowly turned to look at Ryuk again. "Why not?" he asked coldly. But as he spoke the words, he realized why Ryuk had stopped him. "There's a booby trap?" he questioned, not really all that much surprised. It was just like Light to go to extreme measures.

"Something like that," Ryuk agreed. "I'll give you a hint; you'll need an ink pen. Beyond that, figure it out yourself. Honestly, it would be immensely amusing to me if you got it wrong. Light always said that if anyone tried, all the evidence would be destroyed. He'd lose his memories, of course, but he'd escape conviction."

"I can figure it out," L replied coldly, his eyes narrowing. "I'll prove him wrong. Light is no smarter than me, after all."

The shinigami cackled. "Well, it doesn't matter now, does it? What, worried he'll come back, detective? I thought you locked him up for good. But I guess you can never be too sure. Better safe than sorry, is it?"

That made L falter. For a moment, he simply stared at the monster, as though he was searching for an appropriate response. However, it wasn't a response he was floundering for. Instead, Ryuk's words had sent thoughts flying in his mind; thoughts about whether or not he really was afraid of Light somehow coming back. Certainly Light would work at escaping- or would he? Escape would not offer Light freedom at this point. To live as a criminal on the run would never sit right with that boy. Then again, Light's limits seemed to have steadily deteriorated throughout the time L had known him. Who knew what he was capable of now?

"... If that man ever came back here, shinigami," he began, his voice full of malice but still quiet, "I would kill him before I let him near me again. Whether or not I am afraid of him is none of your business and I owe you no answer."

Misa took a step towards him, an expression of inner turmoil etched on her pretty face. "Ryuzaki... I'm going to burn my Death Note," she murmured quietly. "When I go home tonight, I'm getting rid of it, okay?"

"Burn it...?" L's eyes grew wide with alarm. "Amane-san, the rule about destroying the notebook...?"

"Is fake," Misa confirmed, nodding her head. "So is the thirteen day rule. Light made them up to keep his notebook from being destroyed and to clear our names."

Something in L's mind clicked. He glanced back at Ryuk. "You said Light would have lost his memories if the notebook he kept in the drawer was destroyed? Is that all it takes to erase a person's memories of the Death Note? When Light was in my custody, is that what happened?"

"Not quite but you're on the right track," Ryuk replied. "Giving up ownership of the notebook also erases one's memories of it. That's all Light did."

L groaned softly as all the pieces fell into place. It was fantastic to know it all like he'd been aching to this whole time but what good did it do him now? Light was already apprehended. It didn't matter where he'd hidden the notebook or how he'd fooled them with fake rules and memory loss. It just... didn't.

"So Amane-san will lose her memories of everything," he murmured softly, gaze straying to the blonde.

Misa nodded hesitantly. "Only of my role as the second Kira," she amended. "Most things will remain. I'll still remember loving Light, I'll remember staying in your tower and helping with the case, those sorts of things. But I've written myself a note. I'll still know what happened. I don't want to forget, Ryuzaki, it's just... I think I won't feel like... well, things will be better if the notebook is destroyed. And I think you should destroy Light's and Rem's as well."

She was determined, he knew, and her tone left no room for debate. "You want to remove the threat of another Kira entirely," he said. "If the notebooks are gone, you won't be tempted and Light won't have his memories. And there will be no chance of someone new taking your places."

"It's best this way," she said simply, dipping her head forward once in a curt nod. "Trust me, Ryuzaki." She held out a hand to him and smiled. "We're friends, after all."

To L's surprise, he found a smile tugging at his own lips. "Friends," he spoke, testing the word out. Finally, he took her hand in his and gripped it firmly. "Amane-san is my only friend now. But perhaps she is my first real friend."

"I'll argue that point with you another time," Misa said, rolling her eyes. "Just remember, friends watch each others' backs. I'm there for you and you be there for me. Deal?"

L smirked at her and gave her hand a good shake. "Deal."

TBC


	14. Two in the Bush

**Gilded Cage**

By Bluegrass Elf a.k.a. Haiku

A Death Note Fiction

Rated: M

Pairing(s): One sided Misa/Light, Nonconsensual Light/L, future Light/L

Warnings: Rape, Violence, MPreg

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note in any way, shape, or form. I do, however, claim the plot line of this story as my own. I don't mind if you use some of the elements in it, of course, but it will really irritate me if you blatantly copy my work. You're better than that. Don't do it.

I also make no claim on the lyrics of Mother, by Tori Amos.

**Author's Note:** Don't kill me, guys! I know this took forever. But hopefully I can make up for that with the content of this chapter? It's shorter than usual but I think the end will be a big surprise. =3

**Two in the Bush**

_Go, go, go, go now_

_Out of the nest, it's time_

_Go, go, go now_

_Circus girl without a safety net_

_Here here now_

_Don't cry_

_You raised your hand for the assignment_

_**- Mother, Tori Amos**_

L hadn't heard from Misa since she'd climbed in through the window. He had no idea if she'd actually followed through with burning her notebook or not; he hadn't mentioned the incident to Soichiro and wasn't entirely sure how to go about doing so. It would mean erasing Kira permanently; Light wouldn't remember his guilt. Part of L wanted him to remember- wanted Light to at least know what he did wrong. Who could L blame for all of this if Light didn't remember?

It was the beginning of the eighth week of L's pregnancy. No one had even mentioned it to him the whole time he'd been out of the hospital, other than to tell him that he had to start eating better. That was only implying the baby, not actually acknowledging it. L would have been happy to ignore it for as long as he could but apparently as long as he could was not very long. His own body, at this point, was doing it's best to keep him from forgetting.

His chest was still sore and now he was experiencing cramps in his abdomen. They probably weren't all that bad, compared to the cramps that women experienced on a monthly basis, but L honestly had a very low pain tolerance. He spent most days simply curled up in bed now, trying to stay comfortable. On top of that, he'd been sick night and day with "morning sickness." It just kept getting worse and last week his face had broken out in a smattering of bumps that reminded him of traumatizing teenage years. This wasn't fun at all. He wished, oh how he wished, that he could go back to the way things were before. He liked being spoiled and sheltered and having the world at his fingertips. He didn't like being pregnant.

He came down for breakfast on Monday, slouching as always and idly scratching the back of his head, when Soichiro, who had been eating when L entered the room, suddenly looked up and gave him a critical once-over. For a moment, neither of them spoke and L's upper lip twitched in frustration as he waited for an explanation.

"You need to go and get cleaned up," Soichiro finally said. He took another bite of his breakfast, chewed, then swallowed. "You have an appointment today, remember?"

L narrowed his eyes at the man. "... No one said anything about an appointment," he murmured and considered taking a step back. "A hospital appointment?" He wasn't going back there if he could get out of it. It would be his luck that they'd find something terribly wrong with him that would get him stuck in there for another two weeks.

The look Soichiro gave him was not entirely kind; if L had to put a label on it... he'd call it disapproving. L didn't really like getting that look from Soichiro. "We scheduled the appointment the day we checked you out, remember?" the man replied. "Ryuzaki, if you paid any attention at all... it's been written on the calendar right there for two weeks."

Well, L never read the wall calendar and why would he? He never went anywhere. And he'd been far too preoccupied with actually getting out of the hospital to be bothered with wondering what Soichiro had talked to Dr. Yamakawa about for so long. "We could reschedule it," he reasoned. "I'm healthy, I don't see why I need to go back in."

He tried to move forward into the kitchen, with the intention of preparing himself a nice bowl of cereal, when Soichiro reached out and caught him by the arm. "Go and clean up before you eat," he told L firmly. "We're not rescheduling and you know why. I've let you ignore this for long enough but the fact of the matter is that you're pregnant and today you're going to have to decide what to do about it."

The cold feeling of dread that washed over L must have shown on his face because Soichiro's expression immediately softened. "... Just go and get dressed," the man murmured, loosening his grip on L's arm. "I made it sound scarier than it really is. It's just a checkup. If you're not ready to make your decision yet, you've still got a little more time."

L nodded his head rapidly and removed himself entirely from Soichiro's hold. "Sure," he agreed softly. He made his way upstairs as quickly as he could without making it look obvious that he really wanted to get away. Soichiro could probably still tell. The thought made L shiver and wrap his arms around himself protectively.

Unfortunately, he ran into Sachiko in the hallway. She was already dressed in a crisp white skirt and blouse and she smiled at him cheerfully. "It's an exciting day," she said, pausing in the hallway and, as a result, forcing L to pause as well. "You might get to see your baby today, you know. When I was about five weeks along with Light, the doctors did an ultrasound. I remember how exciting it was."

L smiled back at her thinly. "An ultrasound?" he asked, mostly talking to himself. He really wasn't sure that he wanted to see the baby. Not that the cramps and morning sickness and sore chest weren't already making the baby more than real enough but an ultrasound just seemed like it would... seal the deal, so to speak. "... It would be interesting," he finally acquiesced.

As he changed out of his favored white shirt into one of the slightly nicer T-shirts that Soichiro and Sachiko had provided for him, he thought about what a strange situation this really was. He paused to look at his body in the mirror and wondered how it would change in the coming months. Right now he was skinny as always, with a few new scars littered about.

"I'm going to get fat," he muttered to himself and pulled the shirt the rest of the way on with a huff.

He went about washing his face and brushing his teeth and hair lethargically, trying to take as much time as possible. Maybe if he loafed around long enough, they'd miss the appointment and have to reschedule after all. Unfortunately, there was only so long you could drag out brushing your teeth. Eventually he had to give in and head downstairs.

"You look worried, dear," Sachiko remarked with concern as she watched him slowly tie the laces on his shoes. "It's not that scary, I promise. The doctors just have to make certain that you're healthy. Trust me, I went through this twice." She patted his shoulder reassuringly.

Despite her words, L was not reassured. He didn't want to go back to the hospital. He wanted to avoid the hospital at all costs, with all its needles and nasty jello cups and gynecological exams. "I would like some cake after this," he muttered, shuffling out the door reluctantly.

Sachiko laughed softly. "We'll ask the doctor about that."

–

This was the first time L had entered the hospital on his own two feet and it felt strange. Accompanied by Soichiro and Sachiko, he sat down in the waiting room and pulled his knees to his chest while he waited. Soichiro went to the desk and filled out forms for him, much to L's relief, only asking L to sign where it was needed. L absently picked at his shoelaces, wishing he could take his sneakers off. He didn't like them, of course. They were too restricting and made his feet feel like they were suffocating, as little sense as that made.

A nurse called his name and he looked up in surprise. "Yagami Ryuzaki," she repeated kindly, beckoning him towards her. "Doctor Yamakawa will see you now. Come this way, please."

The room she led him to was small and private, with an examination table that she instructed him to sit on. There were two chairs against the wall across from the table, where Sachiko and Soichiro sat. L didn't care much for having them watch whatever was going to happen but he couldn't very well tell them to leave. In fact, he couldn't tell them to do anything and he was growing increasingly more frustrated with his lack of control. Perhaps he had never truly ever been his own boss but Watari had always made him feel like he was.

"Yagami-san," Yamakawa greeted cheerfully when he entered the room, tugging on rubber gloves. "It's been a while since I saw you. Which is a good thing, probably. How have you been feeling? Everything heal up alright?"

"Everything seems to be in working order once more," L replied. He held up his hand and wiggled the two previously broken fingers to illustrate his point. "I've been feeling a little under the weather but I assume that's unrelated to my injuries and has more to do with my... condition."

The doctor nodded sympathetically. "Depending on the symptoms you're experiencing, that's most likely. Have you been experiencing a lot of nausea? Morning sickness?" L nodded. "Ah... anything else in particular that has you a little concerned?"

L glanced briefly at his two companions, wishing again that they weren't present for this. There were a few things he wanted to talk to Yamakawa about but they were embarrassing questions that he certainly didn't want to talk about in front of two such proper people as them. "... I've been experiencing some abdominal cramps but I read that they're normal. My face broke out," he gestured to the unsightly blemishes that marred his face, "and my chest has been sore. The latter, I'm particularly concerned with. To my knowledge, it happens with women when their bodies are preparing for breast feeding."

"You've done your research," Yamakawa noted, arching one eyebrow. "You are correct about the cramps. They're normal and so are the breakouts. Don't worry too much about it but if the cramps become extremely painful, don't be afraid to call in an appointment. As for your chest..." He pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Well, you're probably right about that too, I'm afraid."

"I am?" L paled slightly. This was one of the few instances in which he wished he'd been wrong. "I'm not going to develop breasts, am I?"

Yamakawa pursed his lips again. "... That I don't know," he admitted, shrugging his shoulders. "It's commonplace for a woman's breasts to become enlarged when she's pregnant. You are another story entirely. I suppose we'll just have to wait and see what happens."

With a sigh, L nodded. "I see."

"About that," Yamakawa murmured, suddenly solemn. "I hate to pressure you about this, Yagami-san, but if you're wanting to abort the pregnancy, it's probably better to do it sooner, rather than later. Have you given it anymore thought?"

There was that question that had been haunting L. He fidgeted slightly, picking at the hem of his shirt. "I've... been ignoring it," he finally admitted. "There are various reasons why I shouldn't keep the baby but I... am not certain that abortion is the best decision." He carefully kept a blank expression on his face as he spoke. Knowing that he would eventually have to make this decision had been making him miserable for weeks now.

"Would you like to have an ultrasound today?" Yamakawa questioned, trying to smile to cheer his patient up. "Sometimes seeing the baby can help people decide whether or not to keep it. It won't be very big right now but it's visible."

L took a few long moments to ponder that. It was probably about time he had an ultrasound, if he wanted to do everything properly in this pregnancy. And he did want to do it right if he decided to go through with it. On the other hand, it meant actually... _seeing _the baby.

"... An ultrasound would probably be a good idea," he agreed finally with a sigh.

Yamakawa nodded in agreement. "Well, this room has everything necessary for that procedure so I don't your parents and I give you a little privacy and you can change into the hospital gown on the counter here." He gestured to the gown before motioning for Soichiro and Sachiko to follow him out.

Alone in the chilly exam room, L regarded the gown with distaste. "You and I do not get along," he told it with a frown as he started to tug off his shirt. There were a million different places he would rather be right about now.

The paper gown never helped him feel less vulnerable. It was so light, so _paper thin_, that it was akin to wearing nothing at all. Nonetheless, he put it on and shed the rest of his clothes. "Finished," he called out as he sat back down on the examination table.

To his discomfort, Soichiro and Sachiko both followed the doctor back in. He shifted on the table, trying to cover up as much of his skin as possible. Even having his legs bare in front of other people was a rare thing for him.

"Bend your knees and put your feet up in these stirrups," Yamakawa instructed, his back turned to L as he worked at the counter. L frowned, wondering why he would need to put his legs up for an ultrasound, but did as he was told – keeping a close eye on the doctor.

Yamakawa finally turned, holding a white cylindrical object in his hands. L's eyes widened when he saw it. "Not that thing again," the former detective groused, starting to pull his feet back out of the stirrups. "You said this was an ultrasound – you didn't say it was _transvaginal_."

He was well acquainted withthe item Yamakawa held in his hands. The thorough examination Yamakawa had insisted on before had consisted of a transvaginal ultrasound to examine his new female anatomy from the inside out. It _wasn't _an experience he wanted to repeat.

"Feet back up, Yagami-san," Yamakawa replied with a patient smile. "You and I both know that this is a painless procedure. At this stage, your best view of the baby will be with him." He waved the white cylinder.

Reluctantly, L put his feet back up and tried not to look too uncomfortable. He was certain that he still did and he didn't dare look at his two companions. Of all the people to witness something like this, those two... "I really didn't like it," he told Yamakawa woodenly. He _hated_ it. And he hadn't yet admitted it out loud but he'd hated the transvaginal ultrasound because he didn't want anything in _there_. Not after... well, it just didn't sit right with him. Which he thought should be perfectly understandable but Yamakawa hadn't noticed and L sure wasn't going to say anything about it.

"Just relax," the doctor replied as he moved between L's legs. L pursed his lips into a thin line in discomfort, feeling the probe as it was pushed into him. There was no way he could relax about this.

"Look at the screen, Yagami-san," Yamakawa instructed with a smile. "I promise, this is worth it."

L turned to look at the screen but not before giving Yamakawa a good glare. And then, the image on the screen stole his attention entirely. "Is that...?" He pointed at the gray matter on the screen helplessly, educated enough to know that he was probably looking at a baby but still not quite certain.

"Yes," Yamakawa said simply. He grinned at L. "Lets try and get a better view. It's just going to look like a blob right now but that, Yagami-san, is your baby." He moved the probe to change the angle and L didn't even notice the discomfort this time – he was far too wrapped up in the images on the screen.

He frowned suddenly as he watched the images shift. "Wait..." He pointed at the screen, where another gray blob had come into view beside the first one. "Is... is that...?"

Yamakawa had frozen and was peering at the blob just as intently as L was. "That... is a second baby," he said finally.

It didn't really register at first. It was like everything sort of... blurred for a moment. And then, when things cleared again, the revelation hit L in the stomach like a well aimed blow. "A... a second one?" he all but whispered. All thoughts of an abortion went flying out the window. One fetus, maybe he could have convinced himself it was the right thing. But two... there was just no way that he could...

"Looks like twins, Yagami-san," Yamakawa said with a strained smile, knowing that L wasn't necessarily happy with the news. "Double the love, right? They both look healthy, growing at a normal rate. It's not possible to tell the gender yet, it's still too soon, but this ultrasound can check for a lot of disorders and birth defects."

L was only half listening. Slowly, he shifted his gaze from the image on the screen to Soichiro and Sachiko. For a moment, he just stared at them, deep in thought. When he finally spoke, his throat felt thick. "If I..." he began slowly, "gave them to you... could I... could I still see them?"

A gasp escaped Sachiko and she put a hand over her mouth. "Oh, Ryuzaki... you could see them any time you wanted to, dear. We wouldn't keep them from you. How could we?" Soichiro placed a hand on his wife's shoulder and nodded in agreement.

L sighed and nodded, his entire body seeming to relax. "Okay," he said, his voice still shaky. "I think I've made my decision, then. I'll... I'll have them."

TBC~


	15. Birdcage

**Gilded Cage**

By Haiku

A Death Note Fanfiction

Rated: M

Warnings: Rape, Violence, Mpreg

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note in any way, shape, or form. I do, however, claim the plot line of this story as my own. I don't mind if you use some of the elements in it, of course, but it will really irritate me if you blatantly copy my work. You're better than that. Don't do it.

I also make no claim on the lyrics of Heart of Life, by John Mayer.

**Author's Note: **To those who are still confused – this story features L as its main character and Misa as the second most important character. That is why you see it listed on the site as L/Misa. That does not- and never has- indicate the pairing featured in this story. The pairings in this story are clearly listed in the summary and at the beginning of each chapter.

**Birdcage**

_I hate to see you cry_

_Lying there in that position_

_There's things you need to hear_

_So turn off your tears and listen_

_Pain throws your heart to the ground_

_Love turns the whole thing around_

_No, it won't all go the way it should_

_But I know the heart of life is good_

_**-Heart of Life, John Mayer**_

Light had crafted a cage for L from that warehouse. It had all the bells and whistles, everything to make it into a home and everything to make it into a prison. It was corporeal, tangible, and Soichiro had assumed that by taking L out of the warehouse, he was taking L out of the gilded cage. At first, L had also thought that. He'd been elated to be free of his bonds and once again safe.

In the dead of the night, L woke up screaming.

It was not the first nightmare, not by a long shot, but it was every bit as terrible as the first one had been. He rolled over on his side as he calmed and wrapped his arms around his extra pillow. It wasn't enough, it seemed, that Light had attacked him four different times. L had to relive those attacks or invented ones every night in his sleep, unable to escape the memories even in the dark.

L was exactly three months pregnant now and still he had not heard from Misa again. What was she waiting for, he wondered? Sometimes he thought about tracking her down but he didn't think Soichiro would approve and venturing outside was simply…

It was like now that the walls of the warehouse were gone, new bars had taken their place to form L's cage. Bars made up mostly of mental blocks and personal failures. Here he was, outside of Light's handmade prison, and inside another one entirely. But it seemed he simply couldn't make himself escape being caged and Light's words still haunted him, refusing to be forgotten – maybe this was how it had always been. Had he always been caged?

Sometimes he remembered snatches of his childhood, wild and barefoot in the dirty streets of Winchester. They were dark days meant to be buried and never thought of again. Watari had saved him from that life, placed him somewhere safe where nothing could hurt him again.

A cage.

Disconcerted, L dragged himself out of the bed and pulled a large T-shirt on over his boxers. Quietly, he padded out of his room and down the stairs to the kitchen. There was no use dwelling on unpleasant things up there in that room that had once been Light's own cage. It did him no good to stare at Light's dusty schoolbooks, lined up neatly on the shelves, and wonder how desperate Light must have been for freedom.

It wasn't the fault of Light's family, of course. They were good people who worked hard and provided for their own as best they could. It was just that Light was not like them. He and L were a different breed entirely, one that did not thrive on the same things as other humans. What made a happy home for Sayu did not make a happy home for Light.

There was a slice of cake in the refrigerator and L was supposed to be watching what he ate, for the sake of the twins, but he found himself giving in to the urge and drawing the plate out. He savored the first bite, letting the precious taste of sugar overwhelm him and drown out everything else. Nothing else had to matter.

Halfway through, he stopped and turned his gaze to the kitchen window. It had started to rain and he could hear the patter of water on the roof as it fell. It had been a long time since he'd felt rain on his skin. In a cage, the bird never has to feel nature's cruelty. A bird would be grateful for the shelter, perhaps, but how could such a creature be happy secluded and locked away?

L wanted to feel the rain again.

--

She had stayed away too long, Misa knew that. After burning her Death Note and then finding the note she'd written to herself, she'd been shell-shocked – too much so to dare contacting L again. Her shame was intense. To know that she had, no matter how unwittingly, aided in L's abduction and assault had made her physically ill for days.

_He's your friend. How could you let that happen to him? That is not justice._

At least that morning felt fresh and clean from the rain the night before when she stepped out of her apartment complex. She breathed in the air deeply and thought to herself that this could be a new beginning. Maybe she could be a better person this time.

She thought of L's child as she made her way to the Yagami home. Like it or not, Light still kept a special place in her heart and she yearned for something, anything, that could have a piece of him in it. And she did feel jealousy towards L. To have a child of Light's would have been the ultimate gift for Misa but L wasn't even sure he wanted it. L was thinking about having an abortion. But no matter how much she wished it was otherwise, she couldn't protect that precious baby. It was L's choice to make and hadn't the choice already been taken out of his hands too many times in the past?

So she tried to look at the situation from L's point of view. She imagined herself raped, be it by a close friend or a stranger, and impregnated by that same person. It was too hard – she couldn't fathom how L felt about it. But she thought it made a degree of sense that L would not want a reminder of his attacker- especially not a reminder in the form of a child with his rapist's face.

_You can do this, Misa. You can be there for him and atone for your sins. It's the least you can do._

Walking outside like this was one of her favorite things to do. It made her feel free and open and she did it often, against her manager's wishes. She really hadn't done a lot of modeling lately, though. Not since that one guy had said she seemed different – like she'd lost her spark. Well, she still had her spark, thank you very much, and Light wasn't going to take that away from her. She was Misa-Misa! She would persevere.

Her mood cheered considerably and by the time she knocked on the door to that plain little house, she was very nearly grinning. Determined, she knew she could set things right now. Things were going to get better and she would do her best to convince L to keep the baby. Maybe she'd get to help take care of it sometimes, if Light's father ever decided to trust her again. Not that she blamed him for that, because she had lied to the man and helped Light carry out Kira's work and all but she still couldn't help seeing him as a sort of father figure (he was the father-in-law that every girl dreamed of, kind and caring and protective of his own).

The door opened but her cheery smile was not reciprocated on the weary face of Yagami Sachiko. The older woman definitely looked worse for the wear. "Have you seen him?" she asked anxiously, her face lighting up in hope.

It started to rain again.

"Who?" Misa questioned in confusion as she ducked inside to avoid the sudden downpour. In the living room, she caught a glimpse of Soichiro talking angrily on the phone and Sayu sitting on the couch nearby, looking nervous and worried. No sign of L. "Is Ryuzaki missing?" she asked; quickly putting two and two together.

Sachiko nodded miserably and gently closed the front door. "We woke up this morning and he was gone. Not even a note! We didn't realize he was gone until a couple hours ago. But my husband says he's been gone longer than that, the cake we found on the table was already stale."

Misa found herself thinking for one absurd moment, _of course there's cake involved when it has to do with Ryuzaki_. Quickly, she shook off that thought and tried to think about what could have happened. "Were there any signs of a struggle?" she questioned, kidnapping coming to mind first after everything that had happened. Sachiko shook her head.

"As far as we can tell, he just… left," she murmured. "I don't understand – he hasn't been out of the house on his own since we brought him here."

Something clicked in Misa's mind. "Why?" she asked, all business now.

"I guess he's just been… scared," Sachiko offered helplessly. "Doctor Yamakawa said it was normal. I thought he was starting to come out of it, gradually, but he had his ultrasound a month ago and he's just gone downhill since then. Now this… I'm afraid of what he'll do to himself."

"I think I know where he is." Misa's eyes shone with triumph. Of course L would go _there_. Why hadn't anyone thought to check there yet? "I'll go find him, okay?" she said with one hand on the door. "I'll call you when I know he's alright. Don't worry, Yagami-san, I'm on it!"

--

The few hours of night still left, L had spent going from one floor of the building to the next, retracing steps and reliving memories. Here he'd said this and there Light had said that. In this room they'd lost their tempers and fought the way boys fight, secretly enjoying the exertion it took and never hitting hard enough to cause damage.

By around 8:30 am, the rain had started back. It was right around then that L reached the roof and as he stepped out into the downpour, he thought he should have come up here earlier. From the roof, he could see for miles. Of course, he'd always known that this view existed (he'd designed the building, after all) but he'd never come up to really see it before.

He stood at the railing and looked down on the street below. This tower had been his cage for a while. It felt strange to be here now when he could leave it again whenever he wanted to. He didn't have to hide behind locked doors and retina scans. There was nothing more for him to hide from.

The rain soaked him down quickly but he stayed there for some time and he didn't think about how getting sick could hurt the twins, or how he was going to have to try and track down some dry clothes after this.

He leaned over further on the rails. If he just let go, everything could be over. Then he would truly be free of all his chains. There would be no consequences, nothing to make him regret his decision. There would simply be nothing at all.

It was a tempting thought. His hold on the railing loosened just a little.

"Ryuzaki! No!"

The scream cut through the rain, through L's thoughts, and made the young man jump back from the railing in surprise. Wild eyed, he looked around for the source of the noise and his eyes landed on Misa, standing under the shelter and out of the rain while she looked on in apparent horror.

She yelled something else but he couldn't make it out through the rain. He lifted a hand to his ear. She yelled again but still the sound was too muffled for him to really make out the words. The blonde seemed to realize this. She huffed and marched herself out into the downpour. From the looks of it, she'd been wet before she'd even gotten there anyway. What was she doing here anyway?

"What do you think you're doing?!" she demanded hotly when she finally reached him. Her eyes glared daggers at him and she put her hands on her hips. "You could have fallen over that rail, you idiot, in all this rain!"

She wasn't very intimidating, despite her anger. There was something gone from her eyes that he knew had been there when she came to him at the hospital and even on the night when she'd snuck into his room. A glint of dangerous red…

"I wasn't…" he began, intending to assure her that he was in no danger, but he trailed off. After all, he had been thinking about just letting go…

She seemed to sense that everything was not quite right. "What were you thinking?!" she snapped, regarding him with a furious gaze. "You weren't going to let go on purpose, were you?!" He looked away from her in shame and she looked horrified. "Ryuzaki, why?!"

"It… seemed like it would be easier," he mumbled. The excuse sounded pitiful even to his own ears and he could tell it did nothing to improve Misa's mood.

The girl stared at him for a few long moments as though she couldn't quite comprehend the situation. Her eyes strayed to the railing and she shuddered harshly. "Come on, you're going to get sick out here," she snapped, quickly looking away. She grabbed his wrist and tugged him along behind her back into the building. He followed obediently, too tired to fight back.

It turned out that she had a remarkable memory because she quickly relocated the floor that Light and L had shared, digging out some dry clothes for L and herself from the closet. "Change into these," she instructed, stuffing one of his old outfits into his hands. "I'll be right back." She disappeared into the bathroom with some of L's old clothes herself.

L felt strange, putting on the old jeans and white shirt again after wearing "normal" clothes for so long. It was comfortable, in a way, to be back in the familiar threads. It set his mind at ease. Heaving a sigh, he flopped down on the bed to wait for Misa. It had been months since he was last in this bed and it felt like a lifetime since the last time he'd been there with Light's warm body beside him, offering silent comfort to lull him into sleep.

He rolled over on his side and laid his head against the pillows, remembering those days fondly. Light had been so kind and so brilliant, so fascinating. All L wanted in this whole world was to go back to that. If only he could turn back time, never let Light recover his memories, maybe things would be beautiful right now instead of all wrong.

--

Misa opened the bathroom door and was greeted with the sound of soft, muffled crying coming from the bedroom. In L's oversized clothes, she cautiously made her way to the doorway and glanced in on her companion to find him curled up on the big bed, sobbing quietly into the pillow. The sight made her freeze there, hanging on the doorframe.

In her mind, he had always been as untouchable as Light. The two of them were so strong and so smart and she couldn't help looking up to them. She was jealous of them even. But now she felt like a jerk for ever thinking of L as more, or less, than a human being who could hurt as well as anyone could. She felt bad for wanting to convince him to have the baby when it was obvious that he was in no condition to deal with a responsibility like that.

"Ryuzaki?" She approached the bed and sat down on the end. L's crying came to an abrupt halt, as though he'd forgotten about her until now. "Are you okay?" she asked softly.

He slowly raised his head to look at her and she could see his eyes were puffy and red. He rubbed at his face to wipe away the tear tracks but not in time to keep her from seeing them. "I'm fine," he lied at first; his voice was hollow. Misa was not fooled. There was no way he was fine when he looked like that – when she'd just found him contemplating jumping off the roof.

"You're not."

He sighed heavily and nodded his head in agreement. "I'm too tired to argue," he muttered. "I'm not fine. But what good does it do to admit it? Every step that can be taken is being taken and if I… if I'm not getting any better by now, maybe I'll never get better."

"Of course you'll get better." Misa tried to smile but she was certain it didn't come out quite right, despite her efforts. She placed a hand on his leg, offering comfort. "You've been through a lot but it's not the end. Things can get better if you let them. I'll help you."

"You disappeared," L said miserably, to her surprise. "I thought you were going to be around but you didn't visit or call. So I thought maybe I was wrong about you."

Guilt swept over her. "I thought you'd call if you needed me," she admitted. "After I burned my Death Note… well, it was a lot to take in and I guess I just needed some time to sort things out. You had Light's family taking care of you."

He nodded in understanding but she wished he wasn't just accepting that like it was no big deal when it had obviously upset him. Maybe he was just relieved that she hadn't decided she didn't want to be his friend after all. He must have been thinking that maybe having friends just wasn't worth it.

"I'm sorry if you thought I was… I dunno, giving up on our friendship or something," she told him. "I want to be friends with you, Ryuzaki. I think it's pretty much unavoidable at this point. I know you're having a hard time right now and I… I feel responsible for a lot of it. I'm sorry." She bowed her head in shame. "… Did you really want to kill yourself?"

L flinched at that. "… I wasn't thinking that I wanted to kill myself," he said. "But I guess I did. It just didn't feel worth all the pain anymore. There're so many decisions and choices and I don't know how to make them. I'm supposed to be a genius, Amane. If I'm a genius, why can't I function on my own? What… what did they do to me to make me like this…?"

"They?" Misa frowned in confusion. "Who are you talking about?"

He looked up at her and it only took him a few moments to decide to tell her everything. The story came spilling out him, starting with the day Watari had found him homeless on the streets. She sat on the bed and listened to everything he had to say and when he stopped talking about his own life, she took it as an invitation to talk about her own. She told him about her parents' deaths, how she'd dropped out of high school to become a model and pay the bills. She told him about her childhood and how it had been happy but it hurt to remember it now. It hurt to think that she'd had happiness once, had tasted it, and had it ripped away from her.

"We have more in common than I thought we would," she said with a cheerful grin after hours of sharing stories and managing to bond, somehow, despite everything that had transpired between them.

"We don't have all that much in common at all," L said flatly and it made Misa laugh because it was true – there weren't a lot of parallels in their stories and they weren't very similar people. This didn't worry Misa all that much, to be honest.

"You don't have to be exactly alike to be friends," she told him. "I mean, we're not relationship compatible but we could definitely be good friends." That made L laugh because the thought of the two of them in a relationship really was absurd.

The sound of Misa's cell phone ringing interrupted their bonding time and Misa's eyes were suddenly wide as saucers as she scrambled back to the bathroom to get it. "I forgot to call Sachiko-san!" she exclaimed from the other room. She pushed the answer button quickly. "Hello?"

"Misa-san!" Sachiko's worried voice replied. "Did you find him?! Is something wrong?!"

"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry," the blonde blubbered in shame. "I did find him, he was at the tower, but he was soaking wet, so I had to get him some dry clothes. He's safe though, don't worry! He's just fine. I think he just needed some time to himself, you know?"

L walked through the sitting room to stand in the bathroom doorway and watched Misa curiously.

"Do you need someone to come and pick you up? I can send my husband," Sachiko said, sounding immensely relieved. "Is Ryuzaki nearby? I'd like to speak to him."

"Yeah, he's right here!" Misa replied. "Here, I'll give the phone to him." She handed the cell phone over at L, who looked perplexed. "Good luck," she spoke softly, so Sachiko wouldn't hear. "A worried mom is the most annoying thing ever, let me tell ya. I'll be doing our laundry if you need me."

--

"Hello?" L asked the phone receiver, watching Misa gather up her wet clothes from the bathroom floor. The blonde gave him a thumbs up before scurrying out of the room and leaving him to deal with the situation on his own.

"Ryuzaki!" Sachiko exclaimed with relief in her voice. "Oh, sweetie, we were so worried! Why didn't you tell us you were going somewhere? I thought something bad had happened, maybe you were in danger, oh goodness… But thankfully you're safe. Are you okay?"

L blushed deeply. He hadn't even thought to leave a note, he'd just gone without worrying about how they would feel when they woke up and couldn't find him. "I'm sorry," he mumbled sheepishly. "I just wanted to come and look through the tower. I should have left you a note. I'm fine."

"I'll send Soichiro to pick you two up," the woman said, sounding gentler now and not so worried. "I'm just happy you're alright. But Ryuzaki, please don't do anything like that again. You're free to go where you want to but let us know that you're going so we won't worry, okay?"

"Yes ma'am," he replied and couldn't help feeling a little warmer. They were actually worried about him…? The situation had been so awkward and he wouldn't have blamed them if they felt like he was more of a nuisance than anything else. It was good to know he was wanted.

"Thank you, Ryuzaki." There was a smile in Sachiko's voice. "You know we care about you, don't you? We don't want you to get hurt."

L swallowed a lump in his throat. "Yes," he said softly. "I know."

--

They waited together on the first floor for Soichiro, once again clad in the clothes they'd started out in, now dry from their trip to the dryer. A few moments passed in silence and then L looked over at Misa and cleared his throat. "I'm having twins," he informed her.

Her whole face lit up immediately and a squeal escaped her that was almost deafening. "Oh my god, Ryuzaki! Twins! This is, like, the best news ever!" She threw her arms around him and hugged him tight, catching him off guard. Then she pulled back and a horrified expression crossed her face. "Oh! I meant… well, I mean, I shouldn't have said that, because I don't know if you're keeping them or not…"

"I am." L gave her a soft smile and then shrugged. "Rather, I'm going to carry them to term. After that, I've agreed to give them to Yagami-san and his wife. They'll take good care of them. Being a mother just isn't my… forte?"

A giggle escaped Misa. "I guess you would be their mom, wouldn't you?" she said, looking amused. "No, you really don't strike me as the maternal type. But can you really give them up like that? Even after you go through childbirth and everything? I've always heard that it's really hard for most women to give up their children to adoption."

"I don't think I'll have that problem," L replied. "I don't want children and I never have. I just want to see that they're safe. That is my responsibility to them."

Misa frowned slightly. "Well, after they're born… what are you going to do? Are you planning on leaving?"

The former detective huffed. "I don't know," he replied with slight irritation. "I've been thinking about it but I'm just not sure. Maybe I'll just come back here and live. I don't know how I'll pay the electrical bills or the water bills. This place is not really meant for even the average person to try to live in. It is bigger than most apartment complexes, after all."

"You're so smart, I'm sure you could get a good job," Misa reasoned. "You could just get a regular apartment, too. You don't really need all this space, do you? I mean, you don't need all these computers anymore and you don't really have a lot of other personal belongings."

L looked intrigued. "Well, yes, that is true… And I have no desire to live with Yagami-san's family, despite how kind they have been. It doesn't feel quite right."

"Oh, hey! Move in with me!" Misa's face lit up. "If you don't want to live with them, I mean. I have a small apartment but if we were both paying the rent, we could afford a bigger place! You need someone around while you're pregnant, at least. What do you think, Ryuzaki? Would it be worth a shot?"

The suggestion caught L off guard. "Move in with you…? Well, I suppose I could." He lifted his thumb to his lips and chewed it nervously. "It would make sense to have help paying the bills. I don't know how long I could work. It will be obvious within another month, I think."

"I can pick up the slack until the twins are born," Misa assured him. "It's just, what, six months away?" Her eyes grew wide. "Wow… in six months, they'll be here. That's… that's pretty amazing, isn't it?"

L swallowed hard but managed a smile nonetheless. "…Yes," he agreed, absently placing a hand on his stomach. "It rather is."

He stood up suddenly and strode to the safe, still resting silently in the corner. Misa followed him and watched with wide eyes as he unlocked it and took out a familiar black book. The young man held it reverently for a moment.

"What are you doing?" Misa asked softly.

L looked over at her with a solemn expression. "I'm going to burn it."

TBC


	16. Fly the Coop

**Gilded Cage**

**By: **Haiku

**Fandom: **Death Note

**Pairing: **Light/L

**Warnings: **Rape, Mpreg, Violence

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Death Note in any way, shape, or form. I do, however, claim the plot line of this story as my own. I don't mind if you use some of the elements in it, of course, but it will really irritate me if you blatantly copy my work. You're better than that. Don't do it.

I also make no claim on the lyrics of Great Indoors, by John Mayer.

**Author's Note: **I am so sorry this chapter took so long to get out. School has kept me so completely preoccupied that I had to choose between writing this story and making good grades. However, a sweet reviewer asked for an update for Christmas and I couldn't very well refuse. I very nearly didn't succeed in getting this done by the deadline but I managed! I hope you all enjoy!

As a side note, I'd like to ask that the threats stop. I don't appreciate being threatened by my reviewers and someone actually made a threat to _take _my story and continue it themselves. I am extremely displeased with this display of immaturity and would like for rude!anon to know that said review was not appreciated. Thanks guys, please remember that this is all for fun.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

**Fly the Coop**

_Check your pulse, it is proof that you're not listening to_

_The call your life's been issuing you_

_The rhythm of a line of idle days_

_Scared of the world outside, you should go explore_

_Pull all the shades and wander the great indoors_

_**Great Indoors, John Mayer**_

L stood patiently as Sachiko packed item after item into his suitcases, surprised by the sheer number of things she seemed to have decided belonged to him. He'd politely asked to take some clothes with him at first, anticipating taking only a few outfits and his laptop. However, Sachiko was determined that he should be well off if he was going to be on his own.

Admittedly, the family hadn't been happy when he'd told them of his decision to rent an apartment with Amane. Soichiro still didn't trust her – with good reason, L thought, but surely Soichiro trusted L's own ability to judge a person? Perhaps Soichiro felt that L's perception had been compromised as of late. However, with calm and stubborn persistence, he'd won them over and they'd agreed – especially when he'd threatened to do it on his own, given that he was under no obligation to obey them in any manner.

"Remember to shower once a day and eat three square meals," Sachiko said, packing underwear neatly in next to his jeans. "Watch the sugar, young man. Don't make me come over there just to make sure you're eating right. Please call, won't you, at least once a week? At least, at first. I know you're capable of looking after yourself but it isn't a transition you should rush into."

"Amane-san will be there to remind me," L murmured, gently biting down on his thumb. Sachiko's eagerness to help him was still overwhelming. He supposed she was replacing her son with him, desperate for another person to love and protect with her boy so suddenly ripped away. As illogical as it was, he did feel guilty for taking Light from her. And so, he allowed her to mother him.

A huff left Sachiko's lips and she turned to him with worried eyes. "I know," she replied softly. "It's just in my nature to worry. You know that you can call any time you need to, right?"

"Yagami-san," L said with a slight smile. "You don't owe me anything but I will call. I will stay in touch. Perhaps you can come by now and then."

"Of course I will!" Sachiko exclaimed, suddenly throwing her arms around him and hugging him tight. "Sweet boy, I will visit you as often as I can."

L tensed up when he felt her body began to shake. Her sobs were so soft that he barely heard them but he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back. "Yagami-san, you don't even know me," he murmured helplessly.

--

"I like that look on you," Misa commented as they stood in the elevator, referring to the black T-shirt L was wearing. "Black's a good color on you because of your hair and how dark your eyes are. But you know, you need some color too. Oh! We could go shopping, Ryuzaki! I would help you pick out the coolest clothes! And then we could go get an ice cream cone!"

The suggestion made L cringe (though the offer of ice cream was tempting). However, he wasn't quite ready to put himself through the torture of exploring fashion stores with Misa-Misa; maybe another time, when he was wasted or something and not thinking clearly. "Amane-san, I think I like plain clothes," he told her calmly. "They make me feel comfortable."

Misa grabbed up L's suitcases as the elevator came to a halt and stumbled out into the hall with them. "Shit, Ryuzaki, these bags are heavy," she huffed, not for the first time. "What do they have in them?"

"I'm not sure," L replied with a shrug. "I can get them. You really don't need to…"

She shook her head defiantly and soldiered on down the hall. "You don't need to be lifting stuff like this! You could hurt the babies! You are going to be extra careful from now on or they might come out deformed with, like, extra arms and stuff!"

"I don't think so." L slipped his hands in his pockets and followed after her, mildly amused. She was certainly excited about the babies, to be sure. Perhaps the Yagami's would let her be part of their lives after this was all said and done. He sincerely doubted her parenting skills but maybe she'd make a good aunt or something.

The apartment was small and very close to what L had imagined. Misa was obviously an avid jewelry collector and had bits and pieces all around the apartment. The closet of her bedroom was filled to bursting with elaborate lace dresses and mannequin head arranged on her dresser sported wigs of various styles. Misa was certainly a model, both at work and at play.

Despite the overabundance of lace and diamonds, it wasn't so very annoying. It was endearing, almost, to know that she was letting him stay in this place. This was obviously her private world – the one that no one else ever got to see.

"Here's the other bedroom that I've been using for storage," Misa explained as they reached a tightly shut door. "The door sticks," she said as she put her shoulder into shoving it open. "Like, we can rearrange stuff and make it look nicer. I just have boxes in here right now but there's room for a futon. I sleep on a western style bed but I have a futon somewhere in here."

L hung back at the doorway and watched her poked through the stacked boxes. After a few moments, she let out a triumphant exclamation and pulled out the aforementioned futon. "Here we go! You don't mind futons, do you? I'll bet they don't sleep on futons in that window place you come from, huh?"

"Winchester," L corrected. "No, they mostly sleep on western style beds, but I haven't been to Winchester in a long time. I am accustomed to the sleeping habits of many countries, so the futon will more than suffice. Perhaps some extra blankets could be added to it, though?"

"Oh, no problem! I've got this great comforter, you'll really like it. It's got skulls on it!"

--

The room full of boxes felt familiar and comfortable to L. It reminded him of moving from place to place with Watari, never staying anywhere for too long. It kept him from feeling tied down to this apartment. If he wanted to, he could pretend that any moment, he'd need to grab his laptop and catch the next flight to America or Germany – wherever his latest case came from.

Problem was that he couldn't seem to get to sleep. Curled up under the "skull blanket," he would stare at the boxes for long hours into the night, wondering what was inside of them. Dead bodies, he thought grimly to himself. Or perhaps weapons of some sort. Likely, they were actually filled with clothes and not nearly as interesting as L dreamed them to be.

It was lying in bed like this that he noticed how his abdomen had rounded as he rested his hands on top of the small bump. The twins were making themselves known, finally.

--

Things didn't make sense to Light these days. He moved about as though in a daze, allowing nurses to handle him and care for him without complaints. But he was certain that there had been a time when things made sense. He knew there had to be. Now, though, there were so many burry memories floating aimlessly in his head like stray pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

Sometimes, there was a man's voice that talked to him instead of the nurses. He barely paid the nurses any mind but he _knew _this man was important; this man could give him information. So he talked, hoping for some kind of help from the other, anything to ease his agonizing confusion.

"Just woke up like this," he whispered, eyes fixed on nothing in particular. "I'm not crazy, I just don't remember those things that I… that I keep remembering. Please, tell me I'm not crazy. Why don't things make sense?"

"Kira, what do you remember?" the old voice spoke to him sternly. "What did you do?"

That name sparked something in Light. He knew it so well. It was almost like a brand seared across his heart. "I'm not Kira. My name is Yagami Light. I'm a normal college student. I make good grades, I work hard. I'm not Kira. I wouldn't…"

"Wouldn't?"

"No, I wouldn't."

--

The café was small, simple, and served wonderful muffins. It was out of the way, so L liked coming here the best. The baby bump wasn't quite visible through his clothes at four and a half months but he was still paranoid about it. When he went out (if ever) he liked to keep himself hidden from prying eyes.

"Finish your egg," Misa reminded him, poking her fork at the egg that he'd only eaten about half of in the 45 minutes they'd been in the café. "You need the extra protein, remember? If you don't eat right, Ryuzaki, they're gonna' come out, like, tiny or something." She lifted her fingers and indicated the possible size with her thumb and forefinger.

L just slouched and reluctantly picked up his own fork. "Children aren't worth it," he swore under his breath as he eyed the egg like an enemy to be faced down. "I haven't had anything sweet all day," he mourned, eyes straying to the lovely muffins on display at the counter.

"Hurry up before they get here," Misa prodded stubbornly. "And don't even start with that, you so had waffles with syrup for breakfast and a pop tart on the way here. So eat or you won't get a muffin at all because Yagami-san and his family will be here and we'll have to leave to see the new apartment without buying one."

That was enough to talk L into finishing the egg. He swallowed it down in as few bites as possible, managing to smear egg all over his mouth in the process. "Now?" he asked hopefully, giving her his best pout. She took her napkin and scrubbed at his face as she rolled her eyes.

"You're such a baby, Ryuzaki. Yeah, go get a muffin. But nothing too sweet!"

She didn't complain when he sat back down with a double chocolate chunk muffin and began to happily munch it. "It's good," he told her brightly through a mouthful. "Want a bite?" He offered the half eaten muffin to her. She held up a hand.

"Uh, no thanks," she replied with a grimace. "You can have it."

L shrugged his shoulders. If she didn't want any muffin, he wasn't going to force it on her. That just meant more for him. Licking the crumbs from his mouth, he grinned at her. "Amane-san should get one of the poppy seed muffins, they're very good."

"Sweets are bad for my figure," she insisted stubbornly. "I've got a big shoot coming up in a couple weeks, so I've got to be really careful and all that candy that you leave laying around the house is totally making me fat. I've gained five pounds since you moved in!"

"Oh, you weigh a hundred pounds now?" he asked in mock surprise. "You're right, Amane-san, I apologize. Obviously, leaving candy lying about was an invitation I should not have offered. In fact, I insist that whenever you find that candy from now on, you should simply tell me and I will stop whatever I am doing to retrieve it and properly dispose of it."

The look on her face said she didn't appreciate the sarcasm and she waved her fork at him. "You don't need it anymore than I do, smarty pants," she reminded him. "I'll just throw it away instead. You are so going to rot your teeth if you keep eating sweets like that. I'm surprised you haven't already done it."

L flashed her a grin, showing off pearly white teeth. "I take the utmost care of my teeth, Amane-sand. Without teeth, it would be quite difficult to partake of sweets."

The bells on the door of the café jingled and both L and Misa turned to see Soichiro and Sachiko enter the establishment. Misa beamed and waved them over. "We're over here! We just finished our meals!" She stood and gathered her bags as they approached. L shoved the last of his muffin into his mouth before following.

"Amane-san, you look nice today," Sachiko greeted, pleasantly surprised by the long, flowing skirt that Misa had donned with a simple black top and matching boots. It was much more conservative than what Misa had been known for wearing in the past.

"My manager wants me to go for a more girl next door kind of look," Misa explained, twirling around in her skirt. "It's not really my style but it's nice to try something new every now and then, I think! You look wonderful too, Yagami-san!"

The older woman blushed deeply but smiled. Her eyes turned to L and widened slightly. "Oh… Dear, you look… nice too…"

L shoved his hands into the pockets of the light blue hoodie that Misa had forced him into and shrugged his shoulders. "I asked Amane-san to pick up a sweatshirt for me but she got this instead. It still serves its purpose, so I have not complained. It is a little bright, though."

"A little," Sachiko agreed, her smile returning. "Okay, you two, let's go see this apartment and figure out if it's the one you want."

They rode the train to the apartment and L didn't mind all the people surrounding them when he was sandwiched safely between Soichiro and Misa. He openly stared at the other passengers, often making them shift uncomfortably in their seats, but he was oblivious to their discomfort. It was interesting to study them all like this in their natural environment – watching the way they all went through the motions, slowly working their ways to their last breath.

Life, he decided, was a strange and wonderful study.

"The view is great!" Misa gushed, standing in front of the apartment's huge windows. The view overlooked the city below and a huge expanse of blue sky. The blonde lifted her arms and held them out from her body, inhaling deeply. "I feel like I could fly out of them!"

"Dangerous," L told her simply as he moved away to inspect the spacious kitchen. The granite countertops were nice and new. "I should learn to cook," he mused to himself as he ran a finger along the polished surface.

While Soichiro and Sachiko carefully inspected the pipes and electricity, Misa danced about in the living room with the light shining in on her from the windows. "We could put my sofa right here," she indicated, "and the television set could go here. I think I'll get a new one if I get a really big paycheck. A widescreen! I always wanted a widescreen."

"There are three bedrooms," Soichiro said, "so you could turn the smallest one into a study."

"Or a dressing room!" Misa suggested before throwing herself onto the living room carpet. "Oh, it's so soft!"

"I like the idea of a study," L mused, folding his hands around the baby bump. "I might buy a desktop computer. They're better for running my preferred programs and storing large amounts of information. I have a few mini projects I could easily turn into a database of sources and leads for the police, Yagami-san, regarding some still unsolved cases in the area."

"You've been keeping up with the news, of course." Soichiro arched an eyebrow. "…If you would like to continue your work as L, we could use your help. Just don't push yourself too hard. Do whatever feels comfortable."

"…I don't think I'll be L anymore," the young man murmured after a moment's thought. "I did quit, after all. However, Eraldo Coil and Denuve have yet to resign their posts. Please be on the lookout for the two of them."

--

A week later, L had sworn off leaving the apartment for any reason. The windows, which had initially captured Misa's imagination, turned out to be L's favorite part of the apartment. It was nice to stare out at the people below with the safe glass shield protecting him from everything. And these days, he'd developed a habit of pacing about the living room, as the babies made it more and more difficult for him to find a comfortable position when he tried to sit or lay down.

Said babies were very active now and seemed intent on bruising up L's insides before they were big enough to make themselves known in the world. At first, he'd kept quiet about it, slightly embarrassed to speak about it to anyone, but Misa had seen him flinch in pain on various occasions and had eventually put two and two together. She was constantly nagging him now, wanting to feel the bump to see if the babies would kick when she did. So far, she had been disappointed.

Sachiko had called the previous day to tell him that she was going shopping for baby clothes and like and Soichiro had started to renovate Light's room to turn it into a nursery. She'd asked if L wanted to go with her but he'd politely declined.

"You are so going to wear a hole in the carpet," Misa commented with a sigh as she walked into the room, fastening an earring as she went. "I'll bring Chinese food back with me, okay? We haven't had anything bad for us in a while."

L paused in his pacing, his stomach growling at the offer. "Coconut shrimp," he told her before turning on the television. The news flickered to life on the screen and L resumed his pacing as he watched and absorbed the information.

--

"There's the first one's head," Yamakawa explained as he pointed at the much more definable shape of a baby on the screen. "And there's the second one. They both look happy and healthy, Yagami-san. Congratulations, you're officially at the halfway point with no complications. Would you like to find out what the sexes are?"

L watched the screen in curiosity. He almost said no to the question because part of him wanted to be surprised but then he remembered that Soichiro and Sachiko would probably want to know. Reluctantly, he nodded. "Go ahead and tell me, if it's possible," he replied.

When he left the hospital that day, it was with the knowledge that his body was currently housing a little boy and a little girl.

--

L hugged a pillow to his chest, his face contorted in agony, as Misa attempted to work out the kinks in his back. "The doctor told you about your posture," she scolded him, shaking her head. "You're almost six months pregnant – the damage is pretty much down now."

"I know," he growled back at her irritably. "I think I need a back brace. My spine is ill-designed for this sort of strain."

She paused in the massage and sighed, resting her cheek against his shoulder. "… You're huge," she remarked with a giggle, quickly ducking when he swatted at her. "I'll make you a smoothie," she suggested. "Strawberry, right?"

--

"What's it like, living with Misa-Misa?" Sayu asked from where she was lying upside down in the living room armchair. "Like, it's gotta' be totally cool. Hey, Ryuzaki, do you think you and Misa-Misa would ever date? Sorry, I know that's a weird question. I'm just curious because you do live with her and all and Mom and Dad talk about it sometimes."

L looked over at her with wide eyes. "… Amane is not my type," he finally replied, shaking his head.

"Oh, you like guys?" Sayu questioned. "I'm totally cool with that too. I have friends at school who're gay. Dad thinks it's weird but I don't see a problem with it, you know? You think you are? Like, what's your dream guy look like?"

"Sayu," L replied with a sigh. "I appreciate your company – it was nice of you to come over. However, my sexuality is one of those things I don't really discuss with anyone. I believe it to be a private matter, you see?"

The girl pouted. "Okay, sorry, I was being too nosey. But hypothetically, if you liked guys, who's your type?"

"… Ryuga Hideki," L replied after a moment's consideration.

"Seriously?! I have all his movies! I so have to bring them over!"

--

He'd read up on the matter and he knew that increased libido was very typical at this stage of pregnancy but every time he started to feel the urge, he still had a habit of turning on a warm shower and hiding under the spray as he pleasured himself, needing to feel like he was cleaning off the filth even as he inflicted it upon himself.

The worst was when he reached orgasm and Light's face flashed in his mind. Every time it happened, he'd curl up on his bed and pull the covers over his head and hide there, sometimes for a few hours, sometime for a few days. Occasionally, Misa would attempt to get him to talk to her about it but he always refused.

"Look, I know you're still messed up," she spoke gently to the mound of blankets one day. "…I just want you to know that I'm your friend and you can tell me about anything, even if it's gross or something."

"I'm fine," the mound of blankets replied.

"You don't look fine," Misa said, reaching out to gently poke the mound. "Come out of there, Ryuzaki, I made supper and you're letting it get cold."

After a moment, L threw back his blankets and stared up at her. "Help?" he asked, holding out a hand to her.

--

L was having a lovely dream and this was odd because he normally didn't have vivid dreams. They were often mixed up swirling facts that had little or no defining forms. However, in this dream there was a huge cupcake with a strawberry and L could see it as plainly as he had ever seen anything. He could practically taste that cupcake and his mouth watered as he was about to take a bite…

A sharp scream snapped him back into consciousness with a surprised shout of his own and he nearly fell off the couch. Luckily, Misa grabbed hold of him and pulled him back. She stared down at him with a sheepish, guilty expression.

"I'm so sorry! I know I shouldn't have but you were sleeping and I thought I'd just have a feel instead of bothering you when you're awake, you know?" she jabbered excitedly. "I mean, a feel of the babies! I just really wanted to see if I could feel them kick and one of them did! So then I got so excited that, I don't know, it just came out. I'm so sorry! I woke you up!"

L sighed and shook his head as his body began to relax again. "… Could you get me a cupcake?"

--

The maternity clothes that Sachiko had brought to L were starting to feel rather snug. L spent some time in front of Misa's mirror, displeased with what he saw. He'd always had a fantastic metabolism and what weight he did gain, he'd worked off with a few different forms of exercise. However, there was no way he could work off all the weight he was gaining right now.

"Single moms sometimes have a hard time dealing with this sort of thing," Yamakawa told him gently. "You don't have a spouse to tell you that you still look good. But the facts, and I know you appreciate facts, are this; the weight is important for a healthy pregnancy. You need to be especially safe with your twins – there's always a higher risk. You're seven months along now – premature is a very real threat."

--

The refrigerator was covered in ultrasound pictures and pregnancy tips, held up with colorful magnets that Misa had gotten into a habit of buying when she went shopping. L often caught himself staring at the images, tracking his babies' development from the earliest image to the latest. They looked human at this point. They looked real.

Misa and Sayu insisted on sneaking him down to the hotel's swimming pool and despite his objections, he found himself enjoying the sensation of weightlessness as he finally gave his tired legs a rest in the water. However, he was too paranoid to stay in the water long, for fear of another tenant spotting him, and soon abandoned the sanctuary of the water.

Sleep was ridiculously hard and L was certain that this was the most uncomfortable experience in the world. Why did so many people go through this by choice?

--

"This is ridiculous," L grumbled as Misa struggled to fit a pair of headphones over his baby bump. "You're just going to upset them and I'm the one that has to suffer for it."

Misa shook her head stubbornly. "I want them to be singers!" she insisted stubbornly. "Someone said that playing music for them when they're still in the womb helps. I mean, it sounds silly, but you never know. Wouldn't they be cute, Ryuzaki? Twin singers! Or maybe they'd play piano and violin together, that would be so adorable!"

"I am very seriously considering murder, Amane," L warned, even as the faint sound of Misa's singing began to filter through the headphones. "And of course it's your CD. Brilliant."

--

At eight months, L felt like he was going to explode at any moment. Unfortunately, any moment was constantly threatening to arrive, with Braxton-Hicks contractions sending him to the hospital in a tizzy about ever three days. Yamakawa had warned L repeatedly that with twins, labor was likely to come early. By now, L was getting stir-crazy. He was _ready _for the babies to be born because they'd taken up housing in his body for far too long by now.

He wanted to be able to _walk _again.

However, he refused to stay in the hospital for the remaining weeks.

"I brought you something," Misa said, oddly solemn as she put her bag down on the couch. She took out to teddy bears, one blue and one pink. "I know you're set on giving them away but you've been through a lot for these babies, Ryuzaki. You should… You should think about what you're doing, okay?"

L hid the bears in his closet.

--

A few weeks later, L was doing his best to clean the apartment with his limited mobility. He wasn't getting a lot done and it probably wasn't a bright idea, but he desperately needed something to keep him busy. Misa had tried to talk him out of it at first but had finally given up and settled for following him around, laughing when he had to give up and ask her to help him move things.

In the middle of pushing the couch to the other side of the living room, L suddenly froze, his eyes widening. Misa paused as well, frowning in concern. "Ryuzaki, what's wrong?" she asked gently, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

L turned to her and spoke only one word. "Now."

~TBC


End file.
